Look (he said, channeling the President-Elect), I'm not a real music reviewer. Those guys are invariably douche bags who think they're smarter than everyone because they break an album down instead of enjoying it. My tastes aren't discerning either. So here are seven (6) new CDs from this fall that I've decided to review, plus a bonus review! (P.S. that "so" doesn't logically follow from the previous thought. Deal with it)
Metallica, Death Magnetic - Somewhere along the way, Metallica stopped being badass metal artists and started to be giant pussies who got made fun of for everything they did - cutting their hair, crying about Napster, releasing St. Anger - so it's hard to remember just how good Metallica can be. They hadn't released a studio album resembling real music in a decade (some would say longer) so naturally there was both a) a lot of hype about this CD and b) less hype than there should be.
Death Magnetic was hailed as a return to the old days, and it lived up to its billing to some extent. It might just be the best thing they've done since Ride the Lightning, and I say that as someone that liked less than popular Metallica effords like ReLoad and S&M. The first single, The Day that Never Comes, is a preview of how the band got back to its thrash metal roots, but tracks like Unforgiven III are good examples of Metallica blending in its post-80s work. This CD isn't quite an all-time classic, but it's a damn good CD.
AC/DC, Black Ice - I don't mean to make AC/DC seem like Nickelback, but if you've heard one AC/DC album, you've heard them all. That's not a terrible thing, because what AC/DC does - loud, aggresive guitars, crashing drums, and screeching vocals, it does well. But there still isn't a ton of depth in their 30 years of collected works.
Black Ice lives up to that. It's not a bad album by any stretch. It's great if you want something really loud and aggressive playing on your iPod. Sure, Brian Johnson can't seem to hit those trademark high notes as well anymore, but that's what happens with age. Sure, there's nothing groundbreaking, but does anyone think that the Youngs are doing things that are the musical heir to Beethoven?
Akon, Freedom - I have no idea how to review this CD. It's good. I'm So Paid is my jam. I enjoy making ridiculous remarks that end in "right now na na". Whatever.
Kanye West, 808s and Heartbreak - I was initially inclined to dismiss/ridicule/hate this album, but after actually listening to it, I like it a lot. The Auto-Tune that he uses throughout and has fallen in love with is more than a little ridiculous. But some of the tracks on this CD are amazing. The use of the African drums as a contrast to the Auto-Tune is very good, and just like all his previous efforts, Kanye knows how to produce a killer track.
What Kanye does can be a little over the top. Or maybe a lot over the top. I believe that he himself called Robocop a "disaster" or something like that. But when he hits - Love Lockdown, Heartless, Amazing, See You in My Nightmare - the results are as good as what he's produced on earlier albums.
The Killers, Day and Age - I love the Killers. Everyone of their CDs so far has been really good, but each CD has been radically different from the last. Hot Fuss was a sort of techno-rock that used a lot of synth and was really quirky. Then Sam's Town went for the Bruce Springsteen vibe. Sawdust was a bunch of B-sides, and seemed to be a little bit more in the vein of Sam's Town.
Now there's Day and Age. This CD has horns, it has weird chanting, bizzare lyrics that are about being abducted by aliens. . .I don't know what to make of it. The Killers are over the the top, but I love it.
But why is this CD only like a half hour long? 10 songs? Really? I mean they haven't come out with a real studio album in two years, and that's the best they can do?
Guns n' Roses, Chinese Democracy - I think this must be the record which has been maligned before its release more than any other. After numerous false starts, and SEVENTEEN YEARS after their last studio album, Guns n' Roses - one of my all-time favorite bands - finally releases a new record.
Except it's not Guns n' Roses. It's Axl Rose and a Cavalcade of Guitar Players who Aren't Slash and Who Left in the Middle of the Project Probably Because Axl Rose is a Psycho. The only remaining "original" member is the keyboard player, Dizzy Reed. And as there were no keyboards on Appetite for Destruction, he's not really an original member, is he?
Chuck Klosterman had a great review of Chinese Democracy, saying in part, "Sometimes it seems like Axl believes every single Guns N' Roses song needs to employ every single thing that Guns N' Roses has the capacity to do—there needs to be a soft part, a hard part, a falsetto stretch, some piano plinking, some R&B bullshit, a little Judas Priest, subhuman sound effects, a few Robert Plant yowls, dolphin squeaks, wind, overt sentimentality, and a caustic modernization of the blues."
And that's absolutely true. You don't take 17 years to make 14 songs if you aren't something of a perfectionist (understatement alert), but in Roses's case it's incredibly true and obvious from listening to the record. Does Madagascar really need two minutes of audio samples from Cool Hand Luke and Martin Luther King, Jr? Is it neccessary for the credits to about half of the songs include someone on "orchestra arrangement"? Apparently the answer to these questions are yes.
That's not to say it isn't a very good CD. Maybe as a follow up to their smash hits from the late 80s and early 90s, it disappoints, but the mix of classic sounding rock songs and epic ballads is a fitting followup to the Use Your Illusion albums. Still, the CD feels at home today rather than a stale revival of what worked in the early 1990s. I'm just hoping Axl decides to cobble together another CD before 2025.
SPECIAL GUEST REVIEW BY ANOTHER SAYS THINGS BLOGGER, RITCHIE*
Britney Spears, Circus - Hey Andrew, do you seek Amy? Get it? Because the line is "If You Seek Amy"? And it's clever, see. Anyway, I definitely bought this CD.
*Not actually Ritchie, though true to life in both style and content.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Dave Neal Gets to Ride Up Front
because he's a good guy at sports?
Seriously, did Dave Neal just drop 17 points in 17 minutes against the #5 team in the country, on ESPN2, en route to winning the Old Spice Player of the Game? Was that a tryptophan induced hallucination?
As someone who absolutely talked TONS of shit about Dave Neal throughout the early part of the season, let me take this moment to extract my foot from my mouth and congratulate Dave "YMCA" Neal on his 27 points in the last two Terps' wins. Nice job, big man.
The Terps managed to rout Michigan State tonight by 18, even with Greivis Vasquez not playing his best game. Sure, he dished 6 dimes and grabbed a team-high 6 boards, but he also shot 5-14 from the field and played very poorly as Michigan State caught up to the Terps at the end of the first half. I am no Greivis hater, but the man needed to settle himself in the worst way for much of the game tonight.
Adrian Bowie came up huge all game, particularly in the first half, scoring 13 points in total while the other point guard, Eric Hayes, was huge with 13 points, 5 assists and 3 steals. Hayes looks a bit quicker this year and more aggressive tonight than he has in the past. The new spry Hayes can be a key asset on a contending Terps team over the next two seasons. And Adrian Bowie can shoot now (he hit three threes). His bandwagon is now filled, and I'm still in the conductor's seat (do they sit?).
I already mentioned how big the non-cyborg edition of Dave Neal was tonight, but Braxton Dupree played perhaps his best game of the season, scoring 7 points and grabbing 5 rebounds in a career high 31 minutes all while looking as active on both ends as he has at any point in his career. Michigan State is pretty damn physical (aka they play a garbage Big Ten style) so holding his own and staying on the court tonight was huge for Brax.
Now the Terps get to play another top 10 team in Gonzaga tomorrow evening, before facing either Georgetown (!!) or Tennessee on Sunday evening in either the championship or the third place game of the Old Spice Classic. Hopefully the Terps get the Hoyas because they're too scared to play us otherwise. Also - they aren't very good. They have little depth, and if the Terps got them into a track meet, Georgetown would lose.
Other stuff:
*Sean Mosley is pretty damn awesome. He might be the smartest player on the team - Dino and EHayes are also on that list, though the whole team has generally played smart ball so far this season. Twice he made plays that really don't translate well to an internets blog, one on a rebound and one on an assist. Since they won't translate well, I won't describe them. Rest assured they were real, and they were spectacular.
*Michigan State shot 44% from the FT line. LOL. That pretty much means that Tom Izzo could hire Ekene Ibekwe as his team's Shot Doctor (D.D.S) and improve them.
*Isn't Gonzaga always highly rated only to underachieve in the tournament? Why can't we win this game? Since we basically don't play anyone for the rest of the nonconference schedule after this weekend, winning one of the next two is still pretty damn important.
*Korean Durant got zero minutes tonight. I have no complaints about the rotation, but that made me sad. What's more fun than watching Korean Durant play ball?
*Is there something below the doghouse to describe where Jerome Burney is that is worse than "dog house"? Again, not that he really should have played tonight, but I feel like he might never see the court again for more than two minutes in a game.
*What is up with this bulleted list? Who do I think I am, a sportswriter? BRB, have 2 add more cliches. (The rhetorical questions were also trite and overused).
*I'm pumped. Fuck a Gonzaga.
*4-0-1 <3 Gary
Seriously, did Dave Neal just drop 17 points in 17 minutes against the #5 team in the country, on ESPN2, en route to winning the Old Spice Player of the Game? Was that a tryptophan induced hallucination?
As someone who absolutely talked TONS of shit about Dave Neal throughout the early part of the season, let me take this moment to extract my foot from my mouth and congratulate Dave "YMCA" Neal on his 27 points in the last two Terps' wins. Nice job, big man.
The Terps managed to rout Michigan State tonight by 18, even with Greivis Vasquez not playing his best game. Sure, he dished 6 dimes and grabbed a team-high 6 boards, but he also shot 5-14 from the field and played very poorly as Michigan State caught up to the Terps at the end of the first half. I am no Greivis hater, but the man needed to settle himself in the worst way for much of the game tonight.
Adrian Bowie came up huge all game, particularly in the first half, scoring 13 points in total while the other point guard, Eric Hayes, was huge with 13 points, 5 assists and 3 steals. Hayes looks a bit quicker this year and more aggressive tonight than he has in the past. The new spry Hayes can be a key asset on a contending Terps team over the next two seasons. And Adrian Bowie can shoot now (he hit three threes). His bandwagon is now filled, and I'm still in the conductor's seat (do they sit?).
I already mentioned how big the non-cyborg edition of Dave Neal was tonight, but Braxton Dupree played perhaps his best game of the season, scoring 7 points and grabbing 5 rebounds in a career high 31 minutes all while looking as active on both ends as he has at any point in his career. Michigan State is pretty damn physical (aka they play a garbage Big Ten style) so holding his own and staying on the court tonight was huge for Brax.
Now the Terps get to play another top 10 team in Gonzaga tomorrow evening, before facing either Georgetown (!!) or Tennessee on Sunday evening in either the championship or the third place game of the Old Spice Classic. Hopefully the Terps get the Hoyas because they're too scared to play us otherwise. Also - they aren't very good. They have little depth, and if the Terps got them into a track meet, Georgetown would lose.
Other stuff:
*Sean Mosley is pretty damn awesome. He might be the smartest player on the team - Dino and EHayes are also on that list, though the whole team has generally played smart ball so far this season. Twice he made plays that really don't translate well to an internets blog, one on a rebound and one on an assist. Since they won't translate well, I won't describe them. Rest assured they were real, and they were spectacular.
*Michigan State shot 44% from the FT line. LOL. That pretty much means that Tom Izzo could hire Ekene Ibekwe as his team's Shot Doctor (D.D.S) and improve them.
*Isn't Gonzaga always highly rated only to underachieve in the tournament? Why can't we win this game? Since we basically don't play anyone for the rest of the nonconference schedule after this weekend, winning one of the next two is still pretty damn important.
*Korean Durant got zero minutes tonight. I have no complaints about the rotation, but that made me sad. What's more fun than watching Korean Durant play ball?
*Is there something below the doghouse to describe where Jerome Burney is that is worse than "dog house"? Again, not that he really should have played tonight, but I feel like he might never see the court again for more than two minutes in a game.
*What is up with this bulleted list? Who do I think I am, a sportswriter? BRB, have 2 add more cliches. (The rhetorical questions were also trite and overused).
*I'm pumped. Fuck a Gonzaga.
*4-0-1 <3 Gary
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Terps Preseason Wrap-Up
Saturday in College Park the Terps put it on the glass against D-III opponent Northwood, beating them 104-60. It was the first time since the 06-07 season that the Terps scored 50 or more in a half and also the first time since 06-07 that they scored more than 100 in a game. Of course, this was expected considering the opponent. Except, of course, that this is Maryland sports and we're always good to play down to competition. It was good to see the Terps actually play well and roll an opponent that they should roll. It's hard to truly tell how the Terps will do this year as they played clearly inferior competition. But hopefully they can continue to build from this game and continue to improve into ACC play.
A few thoughts and notes on the game:
I'm probably taking the over.
A few thoughts and notes on the game:
- For a Saturday game at 2:00 PM the student attendance was fairly good. The court sections were mostly full and the wall was about 1/3 full for most of the game. Considering the opponent, the score, and the time, I'd day things weren't too bad. Hopefully this bodes well for fan support this year and a decline in the scan and leavers. (It won't, but a boy can dream, can't he?) Paid attendance, however, was atrocious. It was probably easier to count the fans there than the fans not there. Can I blame them? Yes. This is Maryland Basketball.
- Speaking of Maryland Basketball, here's my favorite quote of a certain G. Williams, said after the Oct. 29th scrimmage: This is [expletive] Maryland. This is your [expletive] school. This is my [expletive] school. This is where we won a [expletive] national championship.
- Robert Ehsan, Maryand's new full time coach looks like a sharp cat. Also, I use terms from the 50s. He's pretty much had all his coaching experience under Gary. He graduated from UC Davis in 2005 and has been on the Terps staff since then. He's learn to emulate the master insofar as he even has the Gary Williams crouch. I could see big things from him.
- The announcer needs to announce Keith Booth last on the list of assitance coaches. Currently, he's named right before Rob Ehsan, and I feel like i'm not given enough time to shout "BOOOOOOOOOOOTH." I will now go back in my hole.
- Greivis Vasquez, who did not play Saturday due to violating some rule, looks good in a suit. Let's hope not to see it again until Draft Day 2009.
- Landom Milbourne is good. He looks like he may finally be living up to his potential. He showed hot flashes at times last year but was anything but consistent with it. His ability to slash and drive to the basket is enhanced by his much improved ability to finish. Add to that his nice outside shot and the Terps have a good upperclassman to take some of the offensive workload off of Greivis.
- Thank you, NCAA for not screwing us over on Jin Soo Kim. Kim looks like the real deal as a recruit. He has a nice shot and has the muscle and size to get to the basket and finish. Although he missed all but one of his threes, I'll give him a pass because he's probably still getting used to the longer distance. All of his shots were at least on target and hit the back of the rim. He looked a tad slow playing the two, but that also could be chalked up to him only beginning practice last week. He often looked confused on defense in the first half, but by the time the second half rolled around, he had found his rhythm on both sides of the court.
- Adrian Bowie has a jumper. ACC, you have been warned.
- Maybe it's because we don't have the talented big men any more, but it almost seems like we're getting more rebounds. My theory: Because we don't have Gist and Boom to rely on anymore to get the ball, our guards and "big" men are trying harder for to get the ball. This could be a good thing.
- Braxton Dupree, who lost a lot of weight over the summer and really shaped up, showed a lot of hustle. He needs to go up stronger around the basket, but he grabbed a lot of tough rebounds and showed signs as to why he was a four star recruit.
- That being said, our front court will not be pretty. Outside of Landon, the Terps don't have any solid inside man. We all knew this coming into the season, but it's even more evident when it's seen in person. Burney really has no offensive presence. Gregory will get more play, and although he has a mid-range jumper, he doesn't show much of the inside game. Steve Goins actually looked decent, but he's in Braxton Dupree condition Circa 2007. And of course, Dave Neal is Dave Neal. Let's hope Gary employs the four guard offense.
I'm probably taking the over.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Terps Terps Terps
Have you seen the preseason college basketball publications? They all seem to agree that the Terps are going to finish in the bottom half of the lig this season. The Sporting News even went so far as to pick Maryland dead last in the ACC. That's nearly unfathomable for a program that finished tied for 5th in the conference last season, even while having its worst team in about 15 years.
It's easy to be pessimistic about the coming season, but I'm not having any of that. And neither is Gary Williams, who will be saying Hi Hater to all the naysayers when March rolls around. Don't believe me? Here are five reasons why this team will dance in March.
5. Adrian Bowie is a year older and a year better.
I'm a big fan of Adrian Bowie to say the least. He can handle the ball, he can score, and he can defend. He's already one of the best finishers in the league, to the point that it's often amazing to see how he contorts his body to score in traffic. The one thing that held him back from a breakout season last year was his complete inability to shoot, but if early indications from scrimmages are correct, Bowie has worked hard to correct that flaw in his game. The threes fell for him in three intersquad scrimmages, and if that continues, he will be an All-ACC player by his Junior season.
4. The ACC sucks
Sure, there's UNC, the prohibitive favorites to win the National Championship, but then what? Duke should be very good, but they're far from a team that imposes fear in the hearts of opponents now that Ratface has stopped recruiting post players. Wake Forest is being picked by many to finish third, but they failed to even make the NIT last season. Miami should be good, but that's a one man show with Jack McClinton and no one else of note. Virginia Tech? Good one. The top two spots should be reserved for UNC and Duke, but the Terps can be better than any of the other teams in the conference this season.
3. Sugar Sean Mosley and Korean Durant
Sean Mosley is good at basketball. I hate to talk about intangibles (except when mocking Cap'n Jetes!), but Mosley has them. What I mean is that I couldn't really explain to you why he's good, at least not properly. Sure, he has certain skills, but more than that, he will be one of those guys that has a knack for making plays and doing what the team needs to win. He's an excellent scorer (second all-time among Maryland HS players) who will also hustle for 40 minutes. He's a "Gary Williams player". Think Juan Dixon. Think Greivis Vasquez.
Korean Durant (a/k/a Jin Soo Kim a/k/a Jin Soo Choi) is the greatest person ever to hail from South Korea, and the first to play DI basketball. He led all scorers (along with Landon Milbourne) with 20 points in the Terps exhibition rout of Northwood. Kim's shot was not falling (1-6 from three), but he poured in 18 points in the second half by taking the ball to the hoop. That's impressive for a guy that was supposed to be a three point specialist. Kim also showed great smarts and passing ability. Combine those attributes with a 6-8 frame and you have a potential breakout star.
2. Matchups
This team does not have good big men. Braxton Dupree shed a ton of weight, and should be much improved, but he won't be Lonny Baxter just yet. After that, things are thin at best. Dave Neal will play, but shouldn't. Jerome Burney is an athletic shot blocker, but he'll need to be more than that to play major minutes. Dino Gregory could be improved and ready to play, but he's small. Steve Goins can't crack the lineup in scrimmages.
Gary Williams has said that this team may play a "four guard" lineup with Landon Milbourne sliding to the four to get more of the team's guard depth on the floor. Now some will wonder if Milbourne can keep up with ACC power forwards, but let's turn it around - can they stay with him? Milbourne didn't have a breakout season last year, but he is a very athletic player at 6'6" or so who can hit the three very well. Going small might have its disadvantages, but ask Duke if it dooms you.
1. Greivis Vasquez
Greivis Vasquez will probably go down in Maryland history as the most under-appreciated star in program history. Coming off a 2nd team All-ACC selection (which should have been a first team selection), Vasquez might be gone after this season. But boy can he play. He hasn't yet got a triple-double, but he will. He drops dimes, grabs boards, and scores in many different ways. People who focus on the turnovers or the missed shots are missing the point like a free throw. Vasquez is skilled floor leader who gives 100% every time out. If this is his last year in the Red & White, I'm going to enjoy it.
Still not convinced?
Maryland Basketball is going to be back on the map (Your boy back in the building, Brooklyn we back on the map / Me and my beautiful beeeeeeeitch in the back of that 'Bach).
It's easy to be pessimistic about the coming season, but I'm not having any of that. And neither is Gary Williams, who will be saying Hi Hater to all the naysayers when March rolls around. Don't believe me? Here are five reasons why this team will dance in March.
5. Adrian Bowie is a year older and a year better.
I'm a big fan of Adrian Bowie to say the least. He can handle the ball, he can score, and he can defend. He's already one of the best finishers in the league, to the point that it's often amazing to see how he contorts his body to score in traffic. The one thing that held him back from a breakout season last year was his complete inability to shoot, but if early indications from scrimmages are correct, Bowie has worked hard to correct that flaw in his game. The threes fell for him in three intersquad scrimmages, and if that continues, he will be an All-ACC player by his Junior season.
4. The ACC sucks
Sure, there's UNC, the prohibitive favorites to win the National Championship, but then what? Duke should be very good, but they're far from a team that imposes fear in the hearts of opponents now that Ratface has stopped recruiting post players. Wake Forest is being picked by many to finish third, but they failed to even make the NIT last season. Miami should be good, but that's a one man show with Jack McClinton and no one else of note. Virginia Tech? Good one. The top two spots should be reserved for UNC and Duke, but the Terps can be better than any of the other teams in the conference this season.
3. Sugar Sean Mosley and Korean Durant
Sean Mosley is good at basketball. I hate to talk about intangibles (except when mocking Cap'n Jetes!), but Mosley has them. What I mean is that I couldn't really explain to you why he's good, at least not properly. Sure, he has certain skills, but more than that, he will be one of those guys that has a knack for making plays and doing what the team needs to win. He's an excellent scorer (second all-time among Maryland HS players) who will also hustle for 40 minutes. He's a "Gary Williams player". Think Juan Dixon. Think Greivis Vasquez.
Korean Durant (a/k/a Jin Soo Kim a/k/a Jin Soo Choi) is the greatest person ever to hail from South Korea, and the first to play DI basketball. He led all scorers (along with Landon Milbourne) with 20 points in the Terps exhibition rout of Northwood. Kim's shot was not falling (1-6 from three), but he poured in 18 points in the second half by taking the ball to the hoop. That's impressive for a guy that was supposed to be a three point specialist. Kim also showed great smarts and passing ability. Combine those attributes with a 6-8 frame and you have a potential breakout star.
2. Matchups
This team does not have good big men. Braxton Dupree shed a ton of weight, and should be much improved, but he won't be Lonny Baxter just yet. After that, things are thin at best. Dave Neal will play, but shouldn't. Jerome Burney is an athletic shot blocker, but he'll need to be more than that to play major minutes. Dino Gregory could be improved and ready to play, but he's small. Steve Goins can't crack the lineup in scrimmages.
Gary Williams has said that this team may play a "four guard" lineup with Landon Milbourne sliding to the four to get more of the team's guard depth on the floor. Now some will wonder if Milbourne can keep up with ACC power forwards, but let's turn it around - can they stay with him? Milbourne didn't have a breakout season last year, but he is a very athletic player at 6'6" or so who can hit the three very well. Going small might have its disadvantages, but ask Duke if it dooms you.
1. Greivis Vasquez
Greivis Vasquez will probably go down in Maryland history as the most under-appreciated star in program history. Coming off a 2nd team All-ACC selection (which should have been a first team selection), Vasquez might be gone after this season. But boy can he play. He hasn't yet got a triple-double, but he will. He drops dimes, grabs boards, and scores in many different ways. People who focus on the turnovers or the missed shots are missing the point like a free throw. Vasquez is skilled floor leader who gives 100% every time out. If this is his last year in the Red & White, I'm going to enjoy it.
Still not convinced?
Maryland Basketball is going to be back on the map (Your boy back in the building, Brooklyn we back on the map / Me and my beautiful beeeeeeeitch in the back of that 'Bach).
Friday, October 17, 2008
A good old fashion rant.
Right-handers of the world, there are more of you. We left-handers understand this and deal accordingly. We frequently conform to your world (e.g. scissors, computer mice, handshakes, et al). Again, we understand this and deal accordingly. But, there is one injustice I will not stand for, and that is the plight of desk selection for every left-handed person in a lecture hall or classroom.
I frequently enter my classrooms and quickly scan the landscape of backwards-hat-laden, headphone-plugged-in drones and tight tee-shirt-wearing, thong-revealing clones to find the only left-handed desks in the whole room already occupied.
My thought process often begins by giving these folks the benefit of the doubt, considering that maybe, just maybe, they use these left-handed desks for their properly created and intended purposes. I mean, I am not out to criticize my fellow left-handed brethren and sistren. Plus, I consider myself rather levelheaded and polite.
So I let it go, and take my right-handed desk elsewhere, pushing past swiveled legs with my swollen backpack, apologizing for making them shift and lift their desk out of my way.
A few minutes into lecture, I frequently find myself disappointed with my own good graces toward said left-handed-desk-hoarding students. The majority of them end up being right-handed, many using these seats to sit near their equally right-handed chums.
As I sit there, taking notes in a scrawled and crooked position (somewhat resembling a Cirque du Soleil contortionist), my back twists and tightens. And with each uncomfortable maneuver to alleviate the muscle spasm brewing in my lower lumbar region, I am reminded that I could be sitting in a desk better suited for me.
This is an unfair analogy; BUT, if it helps you remember, consider left-handed desks to be the “handicapped parking” of the classroom seating They aren’t for you. Please don’t use them. And, I’ll probably try to institute some ticketing and fine process on you if I catch you sitting there illegally.
They aren’t for your convenience, for you to sit near friends, or because you don’t want to be the person to push past all those people who awkwardly take all the seats near the aisle (another huge annoyance I might address later).
We lefties only get a handful of these seats (12 at most in the biggest chemistry lecture hall on campus, in my experience), and it means the world to us if you would so graciously MOVE.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Heroes: Stop Annoying Me
I was going to make this witty and long with many points backing up my thesis (my thesis = Heroes annoyed me tonight), but now not so much. The issue is, Heroes keeps introducing shades of gray into their characterizations, rather than having everyone just being good or bad in a black and white manner. That's good, but they're overdoing it.
Sylar isn't a heartless killer, he's a somewhat intelligent and empathetic man that can be redeemed.
Peter now has "Gabriel's" power, and he's turning into what Sylar is trying not to be. [Not to mention his uber-annoying future self].
Stephen Canfield isn't actually a bad guy who needs to go back to Level 5, he's just misunderstood by The Company, particularly Noah Bennett.
And Noah, let's not get started there. All he wants to do is kill Sylar, and with good reason, but Sylar's quotes about him being a "user" of people ring too true for a supposed good guy.
Mohinder? Well, he's mad with power and encasing people in a mucus like substance. Why is he doing that? For reasons.
Hiro even killed his best friend. Not that that one will stick, but WTF. Ando is awesome, and Hiro killed him nonchalantly.
Of course the show is still entertaining. The story of the formula has great potential, as does the Noah-Sylar dynamic. Peter and Sylar's looming showdown will be great too. Now please Heroes writers, let's just have a little less of you beating me over the head with how many of the characters aren't what we thought they were.
Sylar isn't a heartless killer, he's a somewhat intelligent and empathetic man that can be redeemed.
Peter now has "Gabriel's" power, and he's turning into what Sylar is trying not to be. [Not to mention his uber-annoying future self].
Stephen Canfield isn't actually a bad guy who needs to go back to Level 5, he's just misunderstood by The Company, particularly Noah Bennett.
And Noah, let's not get started there. All he wants to do is kill Sylar, and with good reason, but Sylar's quotes about him being a "user" of people ring too true for a supposed good guy.
Mohinder? Well, he's mad with power and encasing people in a mucus like substance. Why is he doing that? For reasons.
Hiro even killed his best friend. Not that that one will stick, but WTF. Ando is awesome, and Hiro killed him nonchalantly.
Of course the show is still entertaining. The story of the formula has great potential, as does the Noah-Sylar dynamic. Peter and Sylar's looming showdown will be great too. Now please Heroes writers, let's just have a little less of you beating me over the head with how many of the characters aren't what we thought they were.
Key Moves Corollary 2!!!
Standard warning: these key moves will make people think less of you, and may cause serious intestinal harm.
- Generating math formulas to evaluate non-mathematical situations is DEFINITELY a key move. For example: Sarah Jessica Parker + Tail = Horse + makeup – cuteness – friendliness + body fat
- Making fun of, insulting and otherwise comparing Sarah Jessica Parker to a horse (or even multiple horses) is a key move.
- Fests are a key move when trying to do a
- Concept Albums … obvious key move… need I say more? I think not.
- Eating food with GUSTO… key move.
- Using phrases related to and/or made popular by failblog.org is a key move in all situations. Examples include: ‘Epic fail’, ‘taxonomy fail’, or just the classic ‘fail’
- Sarcastic links are a key move. For example: Sarah Jessica Parker recently starred in a new movie about the extremely popular TV show ‘Sex and the City’
(No horses... I mean Sarah Jessica Parkers... no, I meant horses... were harmed in the writing of this blog post. Plenty of Sarah Jessica Parkers were.)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Pictures That Make Me Laugh at Midnight
So I know that this is a sports and entertainment blog. I get that. I concepted the idea with Steve in Papa Kagan's class. I know it's not for personal thoughts or reflections. The thing is, it's currently midnight, the very beginning of June 30th, 2008. I've been on summer break for well over a month now and I've only seen a few of my friends from school, and that really hasn't been to hang out. It's been rough not getting to see or talk to the guys who made a wacky year of dorm living so bearable and fungasmic.
But I was perusing the facebook website and came across some fun pictures that made me laugh out loud. Not a "lol," but a genuine, doubled over, laugh. These pictures are all of the five of us in our natural habitat, the 2201 Calvert. (Aside: I'm probably giving away too much information right now. But the way I see it, Starbucks is overpriced. Also, the only people who read this blog are people we know anyway, so it doesn't really matter. ) As my way of rationalizing this blog to the motif of the overall "says things" ethos, I'm just going to say that these pictures will certainly inform people of who we are and what we're about. Our blog seems inane and almost certainly insane. We have weird random in-jokes and things that will make all five of us laugh.
I present the first picture, the one that originally made me want to write this post.
Of course, a picture like this is worth a thousand words and deserves all sorts of an explanation. By the way, if any of the bloggers on this website don't find this picture extremely amusing, he's out of my top five.
Basically, Steve is applying spackle to the wall where he busted it with a Boom move and I'm choking out Rob. If you've ever seen an action spy movie, the hero always comes up behind a guard, puts a chookehold on him, then says "shh, shh, shh" as the victim is put to sleep and laid on the ground by the hero. That's what I'm doing to Rob in this picture. With the sound effects and everything.
So I wrote that over the summer. And then I "lost my muse." I just couldn't find any way to write about it. It's not that I didn't have anything to say about it, it's just that I couldn't find the words to fully express that picture. So here I am, in October, almost four months later. A third of a year has passed. Some of my original groanings were fulfilled. I saw my friends. Hanging out happened. Rob yelled at me ad nauseum to finish this damn blog post. And I have no idea how to finish it. So I'm just gonna publish it. Not like anyone read this shit anyways.
Peace yo
But I was perusing the facebook website and came across some fun pictures that made me laugh out loud. Not a "lol," but a genuine, doubled over, laugh. These pictures are all of the five of us in our natural habitat, the 2201 Calvert. (Aside: I'm probably giving away too much information right now. But the way I see it, Starbucks is overpriced. Also, the only people who read this blog are people we know anyway, so it doesn't really matter. ) As my way of rationalizing this blog to the motif of the overall "says things" ethos, I'm just going to say that these pictures will certainly inform people of who we are and what we're about. Our blog seems inane and almost certainly insane. We have weird random in-jokes and things that will make all five of us laugh.
I present the first picture, the one that originally made me want to write this post.
Of course, a picture like this is worth a thousand words and deserves all sorts of an explanation. By the way, if any of the bloggers on this website don't find this picture extremely amusing, he's out of my top five.
Basically, Steve is applying spackle to the wall where he busted it with a Boom move and I'm choking out Rob. If you've ever seen an action spy movie, the hero always comes up behind a guard, puts a chookehold on him, then says "shh, shh, shh" as the victim is put to sleep and laid on the ground by the hero. That's what I'm doing to Rob in this picture. With the sound effects and everything.
So I wrote that over the summer. And then I "lost my muse." I just couldn't find any way to write about it. It's not that I didn't have anything to say about it, it's just that I couldn't find the words to fully express that picture. So here I am, in October, almost four months later. A third of a year has passed. Some of my original groanings were fulfilled. I saw my friends. Hanging out happened. Rob yelled at me ad nauseum to finish this damn blog post. And I have no idea how to finish it. So I'm just gonna publish it. Not like anyone read this shit anyways.
Peace yo
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Wat
If you're a Terps fan, you're hard-wired with a sense of pessimism that causes you to think the worst possible outcome will always be the one that you witness. Maybe it's a function of the Bias tragedy, the years as a football bottom dweller, and the close-but-no-cigar nature of the basketball for so many years before the National Championship. Or maybe it's just something ingrained in all sports fans (especially the loud ones from Philly - you know the ones I mean).
Either way, if you've watched this year's Terps football team, you know that nothing is set in stone. Start the season by losing to Middle Tennessee and squeaking by Delaware. Follow that up with wins over Cal and Clemson when things look bleakest. So even going into what is, on paper, a laugher against Virginia, you just don't take things lightly. The Terps could blow the Cavs out, or they could squeak by them. A loss isn't out of the question. But no one saw this travesty coming.
This loss was worse than the Terps' basketball losses to American and Ohio last December. The Terps not only lost to the worst team in the conference, they were thoroughly whipped, 31-0. It was amazing. After Virginia came into Byrd last season and beat the Terps by constantly running off-tackle, led by Mikell Simpson and Cedric Peerman, they did the same thing tonight. Peerman had 110 yards (only 96 in UVA's first four games) and Simpson had 77 yards (105 coming into tonight).
Let me take this opportunity to remind you that this was a Virginia team that had lost by a combined score of 128-20 to its three Division I-A opponents this season. Including a four-TD loss to a Duke team that hadn't won a conference game since 2004. Think about that one.
The Terps looked particularly terrible at the line of scrimmage. Both lines lack talent, and it was exposed against a supposedly inferior team for the second time this season. The defensive line has a complete lack of playmakers, and the offensive line was terrible in both rush and pass protection, despite being one of the most experienced units in the country. Da'rel Scott put up poor numbers again this week, but its tough for him to run when defenders are already in the backfield when he touches the ball.
The coaching staff is an embarrassment at this point. The Fridge is 15-19 in ACC games since the start of the 2004 season, a record that barely qualifies as mediocre. Defensive coordinator Chris Cosh does not seem to ever have watched a game of football before in his life, and seems only slightly more qualified to be a collegiate coordinator than my Mom is. With all due respect to retards, Cosh is a retard.
New Offensive Coordinator James Franklin is showing why Fridge likes him so much. His offense has somehow managed to give DHB just one touch (no catches) in two weeks of ACC play. Even if he isn't open in the passing game, how awesome has he been running the ball? He has about 300 yards on 11 carries over the past two seasons, and with the team down big, you don't even try to get something going by giving your star playmaker the ball? And let's not even talk about the lack of imagination in playcalling when Josh Portis goes under center. With just two throws (compared to 25 runs) this year so far, it isn't hard for opposing defenses to guess what happens when Portis plays QB.
So who cares anymore? The Terps will probably win the two more games that they need to make it to a bowl game. But is anyone excited about playing Navy in the first annual EagleBank Bowl at RFK stadium a few days before Christmas? I'm not, and unfortunately the Fridge's warranty has expired (me = clever).
Either way, if you've watched this year's Terps football team, you know that nothing is set in stone. Start the season by losing to Middle Tennessee and squeaking by Delaware. Follow that up with wins over Cal and Clemson when things look bleakest. So even going into what is, on paper, a laugher against Virginia, you just don't take things lightly. The Terps could blow the Cavs out, or they could squeak by them. A loss isn't out of the question. But no one saw this travesty coming.
This loss was worse than the Terps' basketball losses to American and Ohio last December. The Terps not only lost to the worst team in the conference, they were thoroughly whipped, 31-0. It was amazing. After Virginia came into Byrd last season and beat the Terps by constantly running off-tackle, led by Mikell Simpson and Cedric Peerman, they did the same thing tonight. Peerman had 110 yards (only 96 in UVA's first four games) and Simpson had 77 yards (105 coming into tonight).
Let me take this opportunity to remind you that this was a Virginia team that had lost by a combined score of 128-20 to its three Division I-A opponents this season. Including a four-TD loss to a Duke team that hadn't won a conference game since 2004. Think about that one.
The Terps looked particularly terrible at the line of scrimmage. Both lines lack talent, and it was exposed against a supposedly inferior team for the second time this season. The defensive line has a complete lack of playmakers, and the offensive line was terrible in both rush and pass protection, despite being one of the most experienced units in the country. Da'rel Scott put up poor numbers again this week, but its tough for him to run when defenders are already in the backfield when he touches the ball.
The coaching staff is an embarrassment at this point. The Fridge is 15-19 in ACC games since the start of the 2004 season, a record that barely qualifies as mediocre. Defensive coordinator Chris Cosh does not seem to ever have watched a game of football before in his life, and seems only slightly more qualified to be a collegiate coordinator than my Mom is. With all due respect to retards, Cosh is a retard.
New Offensive Coordinator James Franklin is showing why Fridge likes him so much. His offense has somehow managed to give DHB just one touch (no catches) in two weeks of ACC play. Even if he isn't open in the passing game, how awesome has he been running the ball? He has about 300 yards on 11 carries over the past two seasons, and with the team down big, you don't even try to get something going by giving your star playmaker the ball? And let's not even talk about the lack of imagination in playcalling when Josh Portis goes under center. With just two throws (compared to 25 runs) this year so far, it isn't hard for opposing defenses to guess what happens when Portis plays QB.
So who cares anymore? The Terps will probably win the two more games that they need to make it to a bowl game. But is anyone excited about playing Navy in the first annual EagleBank Bowl at RFK stadium a few days before Christmas? I'm not, and unfortunately the Fridge's warranty has expired (me = clever).
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I knew he was up to something...
Seeing how no one else posts on here anymore, I'll add another goofy picture for your viewing enjoyment.
Oh yeah. UMD Football beat California, EMU, and Clemson.
No big deal.
Oh yeah. UMD Football beat California, EMU, and Clemson.
No big deal.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Those were the days, my friend.
Off-campus living is not nearly as fun yet. Stupid overestimated housing crunch...You sold me out, UMD. This is poor.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
What to do When Your Team Loses to MTSU
Friends, this is a bleak time. The nation is divided over which presidential candidate is least unfit to serve as our Commander in Chief. Gas costs more than those commercials tells me it takes to feed a small African child each day. Worst of all, YOUR Maryland Terrapins lost to the lowly Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders. So what can you, as one who Trusts in Testudo, do to combat the feelings of depression and angst? Here are some tips.
1) Drink. Heavily.
You can't just drink beer or liquor. No, this isn't something that can be cured by drowning your sorrows in liquor (the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems). No, the only drink that can make you feel better at this time is . . .
Booty Sweat! (arriving September 9th)
2) Study the Fridge's Diet.
This seems to be a gruesome and arduous undertaking. It is, but imagine if you could publish your research in an article comparing Fridge's diet to that of Michael Phelps, the Olympic hoss who famously eats over 10,000 calories a day - about the recommended daily allowance of calories for 4-5 adult humans.
But alas, while some might say that Fridge trains like an Olympic athlete, we have to remember that unlike Phelps, who spends most of his time underwater, Fridge spends most of his time under the shade of the roof of his golf cart.
3) Watch the replay of Senior Day 2008 basketball vs. Clemson.
To remind yourself, that no matter where you are or what you're doing, the pain could always be worse.
4) Go home and kill your horses.
Because horses are terrible people.
(N.B. this does not apply to those who do not live in the Middle of Nowhere, USA)
5) Reevaluate your priorities.
Sports are just a novelty, a diversion from the drudgery and difficulty of modern life. In the end, even those who participate in them get only fleeting glory and fulfillment. Should we not be pursuing more noble goals? Goals that don't have such a zero-sum nature?
Is this what we want to do with our university? Spend millions upon millions of dollars to support a football program at the expense of academics? Is Ralph Friedgen worth the seven-figure salary he receives? I, for one, can no longer support intercollegiate athletics at Maryland.
Just kidding, see you at the Cal game.
1) Drink. Heavily.
You can't just drink beer or liquor. No, this isn't something that can be cured by drowning your sorrows in liquor (the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems). No, the only drink that can make you feel better at this time is . . .
Booty Sweat! (arriving September 9th)
2) Study the Fridge's Diet.
This seems to be a gruesome and arduous undertaking. It is, but imagine if you could publish your research in an article comparing Fridge's diet to that of Michael Phelps, the Olympic hoss who famously eats over 10,000 calories a day - about the recommended daily allowance of calories for 4-5 adult humans.
But alas, while some might say that Fridge trains like an Olympic athlete, we have to remember that unlike Phelps, who spends most of his time underwater, Fridge spends most of his time under the shade of the roof of his golf cart.
3) Watch the replay of Senior Day 2008 basketball vs. Clemson.
To remind yourself, that no matter where you are or what you're doing, the pain could always be worse.
4) Go home and kill your horses.
Because horses are terrible people.
(N.B. this does not apply to those who do not live in the Middle of Nowhere, USA)
5) Reevaluate your priorities.
Sports are just a novelty, a diversion from the drudgery and difficulty of modern life. In the end, even those who participate in them get only fleeting glory and fulfillment. Should we not be pursuing more noble goals? Goals that don't have such a zero-sum nature?
Is this what we want to do with our university? Spend millions upon millions of dollars to support a football program at the expense of academics? Is Ralph Friedgen worth the seven-figure salary he receives? I, for one, can no longer support intercollegiate athletics at Maryland.
Just kidding, see you at the Cal game.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Enter The Red Zone
Enter The Red Zone. That's the slogan for the 2008 Terps Football Season. It's catchy enough, and it makes for some great posters to hang in your dorm room. With the season just five weeks away, let's preview the team that will be going to the 2009 Orange Bowl! (Our slogan for the 2008 Says Things Blogger Season: We believe in Terps Football because that's all there is!)
That's right, the Terrapins are going to win the conference, and the media doesn't even know it yet. They just picked the Terps to finish fifth in the Atlantic Division, with C Edwin Williams being the only Terp named to the preseason All-ACC team, no doubt because of his Terpness (in a related matter, Dave Neal grew four inches and will be averaging a double-double this season). But there are more Terps ready to destroy the ACC, and here are a few.
Offensive MVP - Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR. This guy is good. And fast. Faster than the Flash and that white sprinter who's going to dominate in the Olympics.
He's all set to have huge season catching the ball on his way to becoming a first round pick in 2009 NFL draft- at least that's what my "sources" with the scoops on the 2009 mock drafts say. His numbers have been depressed somewhat by the lack of aggressiveness in Coach Friedgen's offense, but hopefully new offensive coordinator James Franklin's take on the West Coast Offense will lead to more touches for DHB. He wasn't even named as a preseason All-ACC selection (Aaron Kelly of Clemson and Hakeem Nicks of UNC were), but that doesn't stop him from having more upside than any wide receiver in the country besides the insane Michael Crabtree of Texas Tech.
Defensive MVP - Adrian Moten, LB. Last year's MVP was Erin Henderson. Guys that play LB for Maryland with the name of Henderson tend to be really, really good. And despite leaving early and going undrafted in April, Erin Henderson certainly was really, really good. It's tempting to pick Dave Philistin to replace Henderson considering that he racked up 124 tackles.
But we're going to go with the guy who has all the potential in the world. As a redshirt freshman last season, he finished second on the team in sacks (behind NFL draft pick Dre Moore) and third in tackles for loss (behind Henderson and Moore) without even starting a game. What a beast. He also tied for the team lead in forced fumbles with three. Now that he'll be starting, expect his numbers to soar and expect to hear Johnny Holliday call his name a LOT on Saturdays this fall.
Breakout Player - Da'Rel Scott, RB. I love the Fridge, but the man went to the well too often with now-departed RB Keon Lattimore and Lance Ball when neither produced as well as they had in the past. Scott, then a RS FR, got limited touches, but tended to make something happen when he did get the ball. Now he'll have his chance, either as the featured back or more likely as part of split role with Morgan Green. Either way, Scott will touch the ball at least 15-20 times a game and will show off his game changing speed and shiftiness. Last year Scott had only 15 plays from scrimmage but still managed to break off two gains of 30+ yards. Expect more of the same this season.
So there you have it, a bare minimum preview of YOUR Maryland Terrapins, volume 2008. There will be more as the season draws closer. . . or maybe there won't be more. I haven't decided. Just remember that these three players are men among boys on the field.
That's right, the Terrapins are going to win the conference, and the media doesn't even know it yet. They just picked the Terps to finish fifth in the Atlantic Division, with C Edwin Williams being the only Terp named to the preseason All-ACC team, no doubt because of his Terpness (in a related matter, Dave Neal grew four inches and will be averaging a double-double this season). But there are more Terps ready to destroy the ACC, and here are a few.
Offensive MVP - Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR. This guy is good. And fast. Faster than the Flash and that white sprinter who's going to dominate in the Olympics.
He's all set to have huge season catching the ball on his way to becoming a first round pick in 2009 NFL draft- at least that's what my "sources" with the scoops on the 2009 mock drafts say. His numbers have been depressed somewhat by the lack of aggressiveness in Coach Friedgen's offense, but hopefully new offensive coordinator James Franklin's take on the West Coast Offense will lead to more touches for DHB. He wasn't even named as a preseason All-ACC selection (Aaron Kelly of Clemson and Hakeem Nicks of UNC were), but that doesn't stop him from having more upside than any wide receiver in the country besides the insane Michael Crabtree of Texas Tech.
Defensive MVP - Adrian Moten, LB. Last year's MVP was Erin Henderson. Guys that play LB for Maryland with the name of Henderson tend to be really, really good. And despite leaving early and going undrafted in April, Erin Henderson certainly was really, really good. It's tempting to pick Dave Philistin to replace Henderson considering that he racked up 124 tackles.
But we're going to go with the guy who has all the potential in the world. As a redshirt freshman last season, he finished second on the team in sacks (behind NFL draft pick Dre Moore) and third in tackles for loss (behind Henderson and Moore) without even starting a game. What a beast. He also tied for the team lead in forced fumbles with three. Now that he'll be starting, expect his numbers to soar and expect to hear Johnny Holliday call his name a LOT on Saturdays this fall.
Breakout Player - Da'Rel Scott, RB. I love the Fridge, but the man went to the well too often with now-departed RB Keon Lattimore and Lance Ball when neither produced as well as they had in the past. Scott, then a RS FR, got limited touches, but tended to make something happen when he did get the ball. Now he'll have his chance, either as the featured back or more likely as part of split role with Morgan Green. Either way, Scott will touch the ball at least 15-20 times a game and will show off his game changing speed and shiftiness. Last year Scott had only 15 plays from scrimmage but still managed to break off two gains of 30+ yards. Expect more of the same this season.
So there you have it, a bare minimum preview of YOUR Maryland Terrapins, volume 2008. There will be more as the season draws closer. . . or maybe there won't be more. I haven't decided. Just remember that these three players are men among boys on the field.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Ravens Sign Flacco
It's always good news when your team signs its first round pick. It's also good news when it signs him and it doesn't cause the commissioner to throw a shit fit cause young bucks is gettin' G's. The Ravens signed Delaware QB Joe Flacco for a nice sum of 30 million American dollars over the next five years. I have no idea what that does to cap space and all that nonsense, but I don't really care. He's only guaranteed about $8.something million, which isn't a whole hell of a lot. And if Flacco pans out $6 million a year is going to be a steal.
He's got the body to be a good QB at the professional level, he had the numbers in college, and from what I hear he has the mental capacity to learn a playbook and get his shit done.
But here's what I think will truly make him a good quarterback for the Ravens: The dude is ugly as sin.
Pic: Captain Caveman.
Just look at that face. And that isn't a candid picture taken by some fan. That's a picture taken for the team to use in this press release. Even trying to look his best, he is one unsightly character. He's the complete opposite of pretty-boy Kyle Boller. Hopefully his playing style is completely opposite Boller's. He wasn't charming the ladies all through college. Flacco had to be in the trainer's room, watching tape and improving his game. We won't have to worry about Flacco being seen with Tara Reid. His focus is gonna be game first, rich 23 year old second. And seriously, which guy do you want under center with two minutes left in the fourth? Andre the Giant's son or some Matt Leinart wannabe?
He's got the body to be a good QB at the professional level, he had the numbers in college, and from what I hear he has the mental capacity to learn a playbook and get his shit done.
But here's what I think will truly make him a good quarterback for the Ravens: The dude is ugly as sin.
Pic: Captain Caveman.Friday, July 11, 2008
How Do Girls Do This?
So I'm a dumbass. Not much new there. But this is just something that should be shared. I know that I've given our loyal readers plenty to make them skeptical about which team I play for, (See: Podcast 2) and this will be no exception. I have recently took it upon myself to do a little "manscaping."And yes, before Josh even comments it, I'm going to say it. "Manscaping FTL."
It wasn't entirely my idea, although I did little to prevent it. I didn't even start the process. It just kinda happened. I was sitting at my table and my friend decided to take a pair of scissors to my arm. Not the flesh, just the hair. Of course, I let her. Dumbass. I could have moved my arm or did some sort of karate move involving incapcitating her, taking the scissors, and doing 2.5 somersaults in the air. Unfortunately for all of us, my speed and agility has gone down with age. That and I'm lazy as sin. So the scissors hit the hair, and there's a pretty big swatch of my arm covering gone. For those who don't know, I am lucky enough to be of Italian descent, which means I get to be a hairy goomba. Here's proof:
That would be my right arm. My friend attacked my left arm. As you'll note, that arm is fairly covered but not "fair"ly covered. That was a hair joke. You should not laugh at it. I'm no Robin Williams, but I'm also no choir boy in the forearm. So when scissors hit hair, it caused a noticeable patch of emptiness. Actually, it was semi-emptiness. There was still some stubble left, which gave me a very "trailer-park" look.
My other buddies, including Ritchmond P. Sinclair, told me I should stop there. I could just write it off as a burn accident. Of course, I didn't move my arm, and my other associate continued to cut. Why I didn't move my arm I don't know. Why I didn't stop the madness, I don't know. But eventually it got to be that my entire arm then looked like it had gone through a fight with a terrible set of clippers.
The stubble was actually kinda cool. It felt like the hair on the back of your neck after you get a haircut. I love that feeling. The thing is, I just like that feeling on my neck, not my arm. I couldn't leave my arm as is because as is was ass ugly. So I decided to go all in and shave my arm. I'll write that again for those too stunned to have read it. I decided to shave my arm.
I first looked for an actual buzzer, but alas, I could not find one in our house. Sidenote 1: What is the official name of those buzzer things? Sidenote 2: I think I lost my mom's buzzer cause I was the last one to use it and now I can't find it. Sorry mom. Back the lecture at hand. So I decided to go at it with only a pair of scissors, some shaving cream, and my trust razor.
I went down to my basement, as all good boys do, to do the job. Mostly it was to keep it clean. Actually, it was all just to keep it clean. I could do the work over a large basin in the basement. Anyway, I went to work with the scissors and didn't do a much better job than my friend. I decided to just fuck it and move straight for the razor. I lathered up and got ready and it was then that I realized that girl's do this shit in the shower like every three days, and I'm already seeing how much of a bitch it is. The face is such a small area to contain. It's just cheeks, mouth, and neck. There is a lot of area on the arm. I can't imagine the whole leg. Not that I'm saying girls should stop shaving their legs. But if you girls wanna be a prickly cactus for a few days, I'm entirely cool by it.
So I shaved my forearm, as that was the only part that had been cut. It's extremely hard to get the elbow and the other side of the arm. Conveniently, I had a mirror to help out, but that still didn't keep the task from being completely daunting. In about ten minutes, I had completely shaved my arm. It was weird. Really weird. I wasn't really sure who's arm I was looking at. Although I had painstakingly finished shaving my forearm, I decided to through caution to the wind and just do my whole arm. I didn't want to look like shit, did I? This was an even harder job to accomplish. The backside of the arm is next to impossible to shave. Not to mention that I hadn't cut any hair on the upper arm and I had to constantly keep washing out the razor. (Quick props to Gillette Fusion for supplying a razor.) So all in all, I spent about a half hour shaving my arm. An interesting experiment, to say the least. Here's what my arm looks like now:
Yeah, huh?
It's most definitely different. I don't know how I feel about it just yet. It was definitely a lot of work for not a whole lot of results. I suppose if I had muscles it would be alright and I could flash off the guns. Yet, I cannot. I am not a muscly-armed paper boy. Oh well. It is kinda cool having the clean shaven forearm as it brings out what little tan I have. It also makes the arm look sleek. I missed a few spots but it's not like I really care. It's still kinda not manly, and I don't think I'd do it again. It's gonna itch when the hair starts growing back, and there's already all sorts of razor marks and soap pimples coming up. The arm is just not used to this treatment. Now all I have to do is explain to people why I only have one arm shaved. Any good suggestions?
It wasn't entirely my idea, although I did little to prevent it. I didn't even start the process. It just kinda happened. I was sitting at my table and my friend decided to take a pair of scissors to my arm. Not the flesh, just the hair. Of course, I let her. Dumbass. I could have moved my arm or did some sort of karate move involving incapcitating her, taking the scissors, and doing 2.5 somersaults in the air. Unfortunately for all of us, my speed and agility has gone down with age. That and I'm lazy as sin. So the scissors hit the hair, and there's a pretty big swatch of my arm covering gone. For those who don't know, I am lucky enough to be of Italian descent, which means I get to be a hairy goomba. Here's proof:
That would be my right arm. My friend attacked my left arm. As you'll note, that arm is fairly covered but not "fair"ly covered. That was a hair joke. You should not laugh at it. I'm no Robin Williams, but I'm also no choir boy in the forearm. So when scissors hit hair, it caused a noticeable patch of emptiness. Actually, it was semi-emptiness. There was still some stubble left, which gave me a very "trailer-park" look.
My other buddies, including Ritchmond P. Sinclair, told me I should stop there. I could just write it off as a burn accident. Of course, I didn't move my arm, and my other associate continued to cut. Why I didn't move my arm I don't know. Why I didn't stop the madness, I don't know. But eventually it got to be that my entire arm then looked like it had gone through a fight with a terrible set of clippers.
The stubble was actually kinda cool. It felt like the hair on the back of your neck after you get a haircut. I love that feeling. The thing is, I just like that feeling on my neck, not my arm. I couldn't leave my arm as is because as is was ass ugly. So I decided to go all in and shave my arm. I'll write that again for those too stunned to have read it. I decided to shave my arm.
I first looked for an actual buzzer, but alas, I could not find one in our house. Sidenote 1: What is the official name of those buzzer things? Sidenote 2: I think I lost my mom's buzzer cause I was the last one to use it and now I can't find it. Sorry mom. Back the lecture at hand. So I decided to go at it with only a pair of scissors, some shaving cream, and my trust razor.
I went down to my basement, as all good boys do, to do the job. Mostly it was to keep it clean. Actually, it was all just to keep it clean. I could do the work over a large basin in the basement. Anyway, I went to work with the scissors and didn't do a much better job than my friend. I decided to just fuck it and move straight for the razor. I lathered up and got ready and it was then that I realized that girl's do this shit in the shower like every three days, and I'm already seeing how much of a bitch it is. The face is such a small area to contain. It's just cheeks, mouth, and neck. There is a lot of area on the arm. I can't imagine the whole leg. Not that I'm saying girls should stop shaving their legs. But if you girls wanna be a prickly cactus for a few days, I'm entirely cool by it.
So I shaved my forearm, as that was the only part that had been cut. It's extremely hard to get the elbow and the other side of the arm. Conveniently, I had a mirror to help out, but that still didn't keep the task from being completely daunting. In about ten minutes, I had completely shaved my arm. It was weird. Really weird. I wasn't really sure who's arm I was looking at. Although I had painstakingly finished shaving my forearm, I decided to through caution to the wind and just do my whole arm. I didn't want to look like shit, did I? This was an even harder job to accomplish. The backside of the arm is next to impossible to shave. Not to mention that I hadn't cut any hair on the upper arm and I had to constantly keep washing out the razor. (Quick props to Gillette Fusion for supplying a razor.) So all in all, I spent about a half hour shaving my arm. An interesting experiment, to say the least. Here's what my arm looks like now:
Yeah, huh?It's most definitely different. I don't know how I feel about it just yet. It was definitely a lot of work for not a whole lot of results. I suppose if I had muscles it would be alright and I could flash off the guns. Yet, I cannot. I am not a muscly-armed paper boy. Oh well. It is kinda cool having the clean shaven forearm as it brings out what little tan I have. It also makes the arm look sleek. I missed a few spots but it's not like I really care. It's still kinda not manly, and I don't think I'd do it again. It's gonna itch when the hair starts growing back, and there's already all sorts of razor marks and soap pimples coming up. The arm is just not used to this treatment. Now all I have to do is explain to people why I only have one arm shaved. Any good suggestions?
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Key Moves: Corollary I
Warning (again): Do not attempt any of these moves at home as they may result in major fails and/or hospitalization. Additionally, do not attempt to make up your own key moves. This is also a fail. Only official key moves should be considered KEY.
- Building an Iron Man suit is DEFINITELY a key move.
- Quarantining people so that they won’t infect the general populations in their various sectors is a key move in the field of medicines.
- When fighting anemia, and if possible (i.e. if you are an animal/mutated), devouring an iron pipe is a key move. However, attempting to devour an iron pipe and losing all of one’s teeth is a major fail.
- Using books.google.com to conduct research by searching for key terms instead of actually reading your sources is definitely a key move.
- Sweeping the leg is a key move when attempting to mortally combat people.
- Wearing Jedi cloaks to ward off rain and/or flamethrowers is a key move.
- Being classically trained in one’s field is a key move, especially when attempting to make the rock music. For example, J. Loren, the lead singer for the band Hurt, is classically trained.
The Road to the NIT
Hey friends. Long time no see. Welcome back to our blog, now subtitled "The Road to the NIT" to chronicle the 2009-2009 Maryland Terps' oddessy that will end with the team going for its fourth NIT appearance in five seasons.
You remember that Gus Gilchrist fella that transferred from Maryland earlier this month? As it turns out, he'll be going to the University of South Florida.
The decision to end up at South Florida over Kentucky and West Virginia, as well as previous destinations Maryland and Virginia Tech, plus Georgetown, which had heavily recruited him last fall, is mind boggling. South Florida has failed to make the post season 4 out of the past 5 years. And we're not talking about the NCAA or even the NIT. The Bulls haven't even made their Conference Tournament in those four seasons.
The ostensible reason for the change of heart was for Gus to go somewhere where he'll have four years of eligibility. As you'll certainly remember, the ACC screwed Maryland ove- er, decided to enforce a rule which essentially stripped Gilchrist of 3 semesters of eligibility as a penalty for reneging on his Letter of Intent to Virginia Tech only to later sign with another conference affiliate.
Of course, Gilchrist was a member of the Terps' team last season, meaning that his eligibility clock is ticking. He will now have sit out next season as a transfer before having three years of eligibility left starting with the 2009-2010 season. That's only about 10 games more than he'd play here at Maryland, not to mention that he has to go another season without playing.
He will seek a waiver that allows him to play next season without the standard year on the bench, but that will be a long shot. There might be a very, very slim chance of Gilchrist coming back if he doesn't get that waiver, but don't be on it.
In the end, it works out worse for both parties. Maryland's frontcourt is decimated with the loss of its best post player while Gilchrist will have gone about 30 months between competitive games when he debuts with South Florida in November 2009. Not a wise choice for Gilchrist unless he get his waiver.
---
Sean Mosley still has not qualified academically next season. Or perhaps he has, and we haven't heard anything about it. This is a very important recruit, in case anyone didn't know, and losing him would be just another epic dagger - an excalibur sword, as if Gilchrist transferring wasn't enough. If he does qualify, he should be good enough to step right in and split time at the shooting guard spot with Adrian Bowie. That's my plan at least. Coach Williams' plan may be for Eric Hayes to start at the 2 again which would be an interesting tactic by the future Hall of Fame coach.
--
James Gist got drafted! Finally, some good news. It looked shaky for awhile before the Spurs took him with the 58th overall pick.
Gist is undersized for an NBA Power Forward, and he doesn't yet possess the skills to play the Small Forward in the NBA, either. He is a good (not great) shooter for his size with tremendous athleticism. He will be able to run the floor and throw down some dunks in transition at the pro level. He can play facing the basket to an extent which will help him compensate for his lack of size. He is also an excellent shot blocker and rebounded well on the defensive end last season.
There is little doubt that the Spurs put as much or more emphasis on defense as any team in the NBA, so if Gist wants to stick with San Antonio, he'll have to be a solid defender. Gist is a great leaper and shot blocker, but his position defense has not been especially noteworthy at the collegiate level due in part to his lack of upper body strength. In addition, Gist will likely be called on to guard players on the perimeter more frequently which will test his lateral quickness.
Gist will need to improve to stick in the NBA, but he has improved substantially throughout his Maryland career. He should continue to do so enough to carve out at least a respectable career coming off the bench in the NBA.
--
And now back to your regularly scheduled bad news. Greivis Vasquez had ankle surgery and will not be able to play until the fall. At this point, he's expected to be back well advance of the
start of practice which qualifies as good news in Maryland Basketball these days. Hopefully there will be no lasting effects that cause the General to start a step slow next season.
--
And in another piece of good news, football season is only two months away. Any Terps' football fan should check out Terrapins Rising on CSN (Mon, 9 PM) to get a look at what the team went through during spring practice. James Franklin (Terps' new Offensive Coordinator) is a baller.
You remember that Gus Gilchrist fella that transferred from Maryland earlier this month? As it turns out, he'll be going to the University of South Florida.
The decision to end up at South Florida over Kentucky and West Virginia, as well as previous destinations Maryland and Virginia Tech, plus Georgetown, which had heavily recruited him last fall, is mind boggling. South Florida has failed to make the post season 4 out of the past 5 years. And we're not talking about the NCAA or even the NIT. The Bulls haven't even made their Conference Tournament in those four seasons.
The ostensible reason for the change of heart was for Gus to go somewhere where he'll have four years of eligibility. As you'll certainly remember, the ACC screwed Maryland ove- er, decided to enforce a rule which essentially stripped Gilchrist of 3 semesters of eligibility as a penalty for reneging on his Letter of Intent to Virginia Tech only to later sign with another conference affiliate.
Of course, Gilchrist was a member of the Terps' team last season, meaning that his eligibility clock is ticking. He will now have sit out next season as a transfer before having three years of eligibility left starting with the 2009-2010 season. That's only about 10 games more than he'd play here at Maryland, not to mention that he has to go another season without playing.
He will seek a waiver that allows him to play next season without the standard year on the bench, but that will be a long shot. There might be a very, very slim chance of Gilchrist coming back if he doesn't get that waiver, but don't be on it.
In the end, it works out worse for both parties. Maryland's frontcourt is decimated with the loss of its best post player while Gilchrist will have gone about 30 months between competitive games when he debuts with South Florida in November 2009. Not a wise choice for Gilchrist unless he get his waiver.
---
Sean Mosley still has not qualified academically next season. Or perhaps he has, and we haven't heard anything about it. This is a very important recruit, in case anyone didn't know, and losing him would be just another epic dagger - an excalibur sword, as if Gilchrist transferring wasn't enough. If he does qualify, he should be good enough to step right in and split time at the shooting guard spot with Adrian Bowie. That's my plan at least. Coach Williams' plan may be for Eric Hayes to start at the 2 again which would be an interesting tactic by the future Hall of Fame coach.
--
James Gist got drafted! Finally, some good news. It looked shaky for awhile before the Spurs took him with the 58th overall pick.
Gist is undersized for an NBA Power Forward, and he doesn't yet possess the skills to play the Small Forward in the NBA, either. He is a good (not great) shooter for his size with tremendous athleticism. He will be able to run the floor and throw down some dunks in transition at the pro level. He can play facing the basket to an extent which will help him compensate for his lack of size. He is also an excellent shot blocker and rebounded well on the defensive end last season.
There is little doubt that the Spurs put as much or more emphasis on defense as any team in the NBA, so if Gist wants to stick with San Antonio, he'll have to be a solid defender. Gist is a great leaper and shot blocker, but his position defense has not been especially noteworthy at the collegiate level due in part to his lack of upper body strength. In addition, Gist will likely be called on to guard players on the perimeter more frequently which will test his lateral quickness.
Gist will need to improve to stick in the NBA, but he has improved substantially throughout his Maryland career. He should continue to do so enough to carve out at least a respectable career coming off the bench in the NBA.
--
And now back to your regularly scheduled bad news. Greivis Vasquez had ankle surgery and will not be able to play until the fall. At this point, he's expected to be back well advance of the
start of practice which qualifies as good news in Maryland Basketball these days. Hopefully there will be no lasting effects that cause the General to start a step slow next season.
--
And in another piece of good news, football season is only two months away. Any Terps' football fan should check out Terrapins Rising on CSN (Mon, 9 PM) to get a look at what the team went through during spring practice. James Franklin (Terps' new Offensive Coordinator) is a baller.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Greetings from the Florida!
Hello all! It's been quite a tumultuous few days weeks months for me here at the Says Things blog. Due to contract holdouts, I haven't been able to blog regularly about things and such. Of course, in that time the blog has fallen off precipitously. Also, I amaze myself that I just spelled "precipitously" correct in one try.
As I'm sure you've already heard by now by the collective screams coming out of College Park, Augustus P. Gilchrist has reneged on his commitment. If you're keeping count here, that's two in the past month. That's not so bad though. Recruits make commitments and break them all the time. That's why they're selfish assholes who I hate/adore. Of course, most of the time that's a verbal commitment that's broken.
And it's not in May/July when seniors have already graduated.
And have selected schools.
And aren't in high school anymore.
And when it's easier to find another recruit
DAMMIT!
For what it's worth, here's the Terps' roster for next year, broken down by class:
Seniors: One. David "El Tiempo de Dave" Neal
Juniors: Three. Eric "Professional Sex Machine" Hayes, Landon "Not Dining Hall" Milbourne, and Greivis "¡Arriba!" Vasquez.
RS Sophmore: One. Jerome "Fills the Cup" Burney
Sophomores: Five. Adrian "From Greenbelt Not From" Bowie, Braxton "Manatee" Dupree, Dino "In the Doghouse" Gregory, Clifton "P" Tucker, David "Walk-on" Pearman.
Freshman: Null Set
Yes, that's right ladies and folks. Your Maryland Terrapin's current roster for the 2008-2009 basketball season features four (4) less players than when the season ended in March. We have ten men on our team. A five man bench. Let that wash over for you for a little bit. Have you let it sink in yet? Good. Shocking, isn't it? Sucks, don't it?
Yup, that's the Maryland Men's Basketball team. True, we could always find a random JuCo transfer before August. Or we could find some scrap heap player who just graduated. Or we could have a team with four walk on players. I mean, last year UNC had no scholarship freshman, and they went to the Final Four. So it's possible, right?
To think that I wanted to come back to school so I could have another season of free basketball tickets.
As I'm sure you've already heard by now by the collective screams coming out of College Park, Augustus P. Gilchrist has reneged on his commitment. If you're keeping count here, that's two in the past month. That's not so bad though. Recruits make commitments and break them all the time. That's why they're selfish assholes who I hate/adore. Of course, most of the time that's a verbal commitment that's broken.
And it's not in May/July when seniors have already graduated.
And have selected schools.
And aren't in high school anymore.
And when it's easier to find another recruit
DAMMIT!
For what it's worth, here's the Terps' roster for next year, broken down by class:
Seniors: One. David "El Tiempo de Dave" Neal
Juniors: Three. Eric "Professional Sex Machine" Hayes, Landon "Not Dining Hall" Milbourne, and Greivis "¡Arriba!" Vasquez.
RS Sophmore: One. Jerome "Fills the Cup" Burney
Sophomores: Five. Adrian "From Greenbelt Not From" Bowie, Braxton "Manatee" Dupree, Dino "In the Doghouse" Gregory, Clifton "P" Tucker, David "Walk-on" Pearman.
Freshman: Null Set
Yes, that's right ladies and folks. Your Maryland Terrapin's current roster for the 2008-2009 basketball season features four (4) less players than when the season ended in March. We have ten men on our team. A five man bench. Let that wash over for you for a little bit. Have you let it sink in yet? Good. Shocking, isn't it? Sucks, don't it?
Yup, that's the Maryland Men's Basketball team. True, we could always find a random JuCo transfer before August. Or we could find some scrap heap player who just graduated. Or we could have a team with four walk on players. I mean, last year UNC had no scholarship freshman, and they went to the Final Four. So it's possible, right?
To think that I wanted to come back to school so I could have another season of free basketball tickets.
And there was weeping and gnashing of teeth...
Who's up for transferring to UCLA? Cute girls, dry warm climate, good sports, not annoying...
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Terps Wild R
Another big change occurred this week in Maryland's 2008 recruiting class with the news that Junior College Shooting Guard prospect Tyree Evans (Motlow CC) will receive a release from his Letter of Intent, signed just over a month ago, and will seek an opportunity to play elsewhere next season. This comes amid controversy about Evans' checkered past and questions of whether he would even be admitted to Maryland.
This continues what has been a wacky year of recruiting for the Terps that reflects the hard times that have fallen on the program. The Terps began this recruiting season with at least three scholarships to offer to members of the class of 2008. Local prospects like SG Sean Mosley of Saint Frances, a star since his freshman season of high school, as well as C Henry Sims of Mount Saint Joseph, emerged as the top priorities for Maryland, alongside other recruits such as PA SG Brian Walsh and NJ PF Quintrell Thomas.
As of August of last year, the Terps had no committments from the senior class of high school players. Sims committed to Georgetown, and Walsh chose Xavier after the Terps were not ready to accept his committment, still holding out hope for Mosley, a consensus top 50 recruit. Thomas, once seen as the top frontcourt recruiting priority for the Terps for most of the summer, dropped off the Maryland radar as interest faded (he would eventually choose Kansas over hometown Rutgers).
It seemed that NC SG Chris Turner would be a viable option, but business picked up in August when Mosley committed to the Terps over Virginia Tech, Florida State, Clemson, and Syracuse. Long one of the team's recruiting priorities, Mosley's committment was one of the biggest to the program in some time, a local player who had dominated the high school scene for years. In addition, nomadic C Terrence Jennings, an explosive athlete and top 20 prospect out of NC, committed to the Terps as well, helping to form what looked to be one of the great recruiting classes in Terrapin history.
But that didn't last. The nomadic Jennings, who had attended almost countless different schools, withdrew his verbal committme in early October before signing a Letter of Intent with Louisville. That stung, but the Terps got another unexpected surprise when local PF Gus Gilchrist, originally an '07 recruit before withdrawing his committment from Virginia Tech late in the process, decided to join the Terps, once again giving the team a strong one-two punch. The Terps also received a verbal committment from South Korean SF Jin Soo Kim, an '09 prospect whose size and outside shooting ability has led me to crown him the Korean Durant. There were even rumors that the Terps would finish up their class by adding PF/C Ater Majok of the Sudan, a one-time Baylor committment, to the mix.
The Terps followed those commitments up by giving their last vacant scholarship offer to PG Bobby Maze, a Junior College player originally from Prince George's county, whose addition signaled a much need injection of speed and ballhandling to next year's team. And then, even with no scholarships apparently remaining, the Terps took a committment from Maze's teammate Ken Bowman, a PF from California, after it became clear that Majok would not be coming to Maryland (he eventually signed with UConn).
But this momentum only meant that bad news was coming. And it did in the form of the news that Gilchrist, due to having signed a letter of intent to play at Virginia Tech, would be considered a transfer by ACC rules and would be forced to lose a year of eligibility at Maryland. As he had not enrolled until the Spring Semester, such a ruling meant he would be ineligible until the end of the Fall '08 Semester, thus in effect leaving him with just 2.5 years of eligibility remaining.
That's when things got out of control. Soon news came that Bowman would not make it to College Park. And then the Terps, still without a fourth scholarship open, signed SG Tyree Evans to a letter of intent, apparently leaving Maze out in the cold without a scholarship. While Shane Walker would soon leave the program and open up the needed scholarship, Maze's interest faded and he would eventually sign with Tennessee.
Maze's past was somewhat checkered, due to having bounced around to a number of schools, including transferring from Oklahoma after his freshman season after a mutual decision to do so with coach Jeff Capel. There were also rumored to be some academic issues which may have factored into the Terps taking Evans over Maze. But Evans also had a past of his own, which included jail time for a drug possession charge, as well as an indictment on statutory rape charges, a dismissal from his first Junior College team, and - apparently at least - more arrests.
Soon the media firestorm over a usually clean program like Maryland taking Evans ensued on Sports Illustrated's web site and in the Baltimore Sun. Was this a sign of desperation from Gary Williams? Was this the right move, taking a kid that such esteemed programs as Cincinnatti and Kansas State passed on? The articles seemed to point to a rift in the Athletic Department, as Athletic Director Deborah Yow claimed not to know of Evans' past (although even I knew).
And now with Evans admission in question, he will no longer be a Terp, by his own choice, at least from published reports. And not only that, but the Diamondback reported last week that Sean Mosley had yet to receive an SAT score high enough to allow him to play next season.
So as of right now, the Terps will have no new players suiting up for them when the season tips off in November. Gilchrist, barring the ACC's prior ruling on his eligibility being overruled, will not play until the end of exams for the fall semester. And Mosley will not be able to play unless he receives the requisite scores on his placement tests. It's a great time to be a Maryland fan.
This continues what has been a wacky year of recruiting for the Terps that reflects the hard times that have fallen on the program. The Terps began this recruiting season with at least three scholarships to offer to members of the class of 2008. Local prospects like SG Sean Mosley of Saint Frances, a star since his freshman season of high school, as well as C Henry Sims of Mount Saint Joseph, emerged as the top priorities for Maryland, alongside other recruits such as PA SG Brian Walsh and NJ PF Quintrell Thomas.
As of August of last year, the Terps had no committments from the senior class of high school players. Sims committed to Georgetown, and Walsh chose Xavier after the Terps were not ready to accept his committment, still holding out hope for Mosley, a consensus top 50 recruit. Thomas, once seen as the top frontcourt recruiting priority for the Terps for most of the summer, dropped off the Maryland radar as interest faded (he would eventually choose Kansas over hometown Rutgers).
It seemed that NC SG Chris Turner would be a viable option, but business picked up in August when Mosley committed to the Terps over Virginia Tech, Florida State, Clemson, and Syracuse. Long one of the team's recruiting priorities, Mosley's committment was one of the biggest to the program in some time, a local player who had dominated the high school scene for years. In addition, nomadic C Terrence Jennings, an explosive athlete and top 20 prospect out of NC, committed to the Terps as well, helping to form what looked to be one of the great recruiting classes in Terrapin history.
But that didn't last. The nomadic Jennings, who had attended almost countless different schools, withdrew his verbal committme in early October before signing a Letter of Intent with Louisville. That stung, but the Terps got another unexpected surprise when local PF Gus Gilchrist, originally an '07 recruit before withdrawing his committment from Virginia Tech late in the process, decided to join the Terps, once again giving the team a strong one-two punch. The Terps also received a verbal committment from South Korean SF Jin Soo Kim, an '09 prospect whose size and outside shooting ability has led me to crown him the Korean Durant. There were even rumors that the Terps would finish up their class by adding PF/C Ater Majok of the Sudan, a one-time Baylor committment, to the mix.
The Terps followed those commitments up by giving their last vacant scholarship offer to PG Bobby Maze, a Junior College player originally from Prince George's county, whose addition signaled a much need injection of speed and ballhandling to next year's team. And then, even with no scholarships apparently remaining, the Terps took a committment from Maze's teammate Ken Bowman, a PF from California, after it became clear that Majok would not be coming to Maryland (he eventually signed with UConn).
But this momentum only meant that bad news was coming. And it did in the form of the news that Gilchrist, due to having signed a letter of intent to play at Virginia Tech, would be considered a transfer by ACC rules and would be forced to lose a year of eligibility at Maryland. As he had not enrolled until the Spring Semester, such a ruling meant he would be ineligible until the end of the Fall '08 Semester, thus in effect leaving him with just 2.5 years of eligibility remaining.
That's when things got out of control. Soon news came that Bowman would not make it to College Park. And then the Terps, still without a fourth scholarship open, signed SG Tyree Evans to a letter of intent, apparently leaving Maze out in the cold without a scholarship. While Shane Walker would soon leave the program and open up the needed scholarship, Maze's interest faded and he would eventually sign with Tennessee.
Maze's past was somewhat checkered, due to having bounced around to a number of schools, including transferring from Oklahoma after his freshman season after a mutual decision to do so with coach Jeff Capel. There were also rumored to be some academic issues which may have factored into the Terps taking Evans over Maze. But Evans also had a past of his own, which included jail time for a drug possession charge, as well as an indictment on statutory rape charges, a dismissal from his first Junior College team, and - apparently at least - more arrests.
Soon the media firestorm over a usually clean program like Maryland taking Evans ensued on Sports Illustrated's web site and in the Baltimore Sun. Was this a sign of desperation from Gary Williams? Was this the right move, taking a kid that such esteemed programs as Cincinnatti and Kansas State passed on? The articles seemed to point to a rift in the Athletic Department, as Athletic Director Deborah Yow claimed not to know of Evans' past (although even I knew).
And now with Evans admission in question, he will no longer be a Terp, by his own choice, at least from published reports. And not only that, but the Diamondback reported last week that Sean Mosley had yet to receive an SAT score high enough to allow him to play next season.
So as of right now, the Terps will have no new players suiting up for them when the season tips off in November. Gilchrist, barring the ACC's prior ruling on his eligibility being overruled, will not play until the end of exams for the fall semester. And Mosley will not be able to play unless he receives the requisite scores on his placement tests. It's a great time to be a Maryland fan.
Monday, May 12, 2008
From hell's doorstep.
I have to write this blog so that Steve will stop shouting at me...
Pray for me.
- Martin Sheen.
Pray for me.
- Martin Sheen.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Key Moves
Another guest blog by Josh. This one explains some key moves that our readers will need to take note of.
Key Moves
Warning: Do not attempt any of these Moves as they may lead to physical harm, legal action and/or social ostracism. We are trained professionals who don’t have any friends anyway.
When an elevator gets stuck, it is extremely key to climb on top of the elevator using the hatch in the ceiling. Once on top of the elevator, you can then await rescue, awaiting rescue while in the elevator is exactly what they would expect…
When in public places, it is key to call people who are across the room so that you aren’t forced to yell and/or get up.
Probably the most key thing ever is using the word sector to describe distinct areas, for example, if one of the bedrooms in your suite has the door closed, you would say “that sector is all sealed off.”
Purchasing solid-state-hard-drives for one’s computational-device is a key move when attempting to ‘pwn the n00bs.’
Walking around the campus at 11:00 pm WHILE handing out flyers for a ‘2 v. 2 Breakdance event for $200’ WHILE smoking a pipe is DEFINITELY a key move.
Doing experiments in order to earn the revenues is a key move.
Hanging enormous pictures of Llama’s in order to decorate the STAMP Student Union is a key move in the field of ‘Feng Shui’ particularly when none of the other pictures or really anything else in STAMP has anything to do with Llamas.
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to demonstrate manhood or resolve a conflict, Cage-fighting is an extremely key move.
An especially key move, specifically for the men, is eating MORE foodstuffs.
When one is attempting to win respect, pretty much the most key move ever is turning a person (generally someone whom you don’t like) into a pillar of salt. Being turned into a pillar of salt is a major lose though.
When speaking to people across the interwebs, it is a key move to go ahead and hit the ol’ caps lock and force peoples to pay attention to your unnecessarily capitalized words.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
NBA Draft Time!
The NFL Draft has come and gone with the Ravens picking some QB out of Delaware in the first round after trading approximately seven different times in the first round alone. But I don't care about that. The NFL Draft is boring. No one will admit it because of this country's love affair with the NFL, but the NBA Draft is better. Two rounds on one night is much easier to digest than seven rounds spread over two grueling days. The NBA Draft also isn't the subject of three months of the ESPN Hype Machine (patent pending) or seven billion appearances from Mel Kiper's Hair on the WorldWide Leader. And finally, I've heard of all the (non-foreign) guys in the NBA Draft. Does anyone know anything about some OL from Ole Miss drafted in the 6th round? (Warning: this player may not exist).
This is the first in a series of articles about this year's NBA Draft. The series will end when I feel like not writing anymore. The series may be only one entry long. The series may eventually be released as a TV miniseries and entitled Ken Burns' Baseball. No one knows (good song).
This entry looks at each of the major conferences and the early entrants whose (potential) departure most heavily impacts next years' conference races.
ACC: Tywon Lawson. Even with Tyler Hansbrough returning for his senior season, whether or not Tywon Lawson remains in the draft will be critical for North Carolina. With Quentin Thomas graduating, Lawson's departure would mean that point guard responsibilities would be divided between senior Bobby Frasor, who was limited by injury to just twelve games last season, along with incoming freshman Larry Drew of California. Frasor is a competent backup with some starting experience and Drew is a well-regarded, if not elite, prospect, but there has to be major questions about whether either player could play well enough next season for a team that will contend for a National Championship once again if Ellington and Green make their way back to Chapel Hill. Lawson's speed in the open court is perfect for the Tar Heels run and gun offense and his impact on the team likely goes beyond his raw scoring and assist averages.
SEC: Jamont Gordon. Mississippi State recovered from a slow start this season to win 23 games and make it to the second round of the tournament. While the Bulldogs lost two key contributors from a 12 win SEC team (Charles Rhodes to graduation and Ben Hansbrough to transfer), the return of Gordon, who averaged a Vasquezian 17.5-6-6-4.9-4.1 (pts, rebs, ast, to) line last season, could make them the early favorite in the SEC West for next season. Without Gordon, they'll have to duke it out with the rest of the pack that includes Ole Miss, Alabama and Arkansas. Gordon, much like Vasquez, lacks the scoring efficiency and outside shooting to make him NBA-ready so he would be wise to return for his senior season.
Big XII: Darrell Arthur. The sophomore big man somewhat quietly led eventual National Champion Kansas in scoring in the regular season before finishing second to Brandon Rush. His 12.8 ppg average may not seem gaudy, but considering how balanced the Jayhawks were and that the average was compiled in just under 25 minutes per game at 54% shooting and it's easy to see how valuable Arthur was. If both Arthur and Mario Chalmers leave, Sherron Collins would be the only player in the team's top eight to return to Kansas. While the Jayhawks program is one that typically reloads rather than rebuilds, losing seven contributors is a tough hit to take. If Arthur returns he would provide a much needed inside complement to Collins and possibly Chalmers on the outside. If Arthur leaves, the expectations at Kansas should not include a return trip to the Final Four.
Big Ten: Kosta Koufos. Ohio State head coach Thad Matta might be the best recruiter in college basketball right now, but even his skills couldn't prevent the loss of Greg Oden, Mike Conley, and Daequan Cook from taking the Buckeyes from National Runner-up to NIT Champions. While Ohio State disappointed, one time Maryland recruit Kosta Koufos did not. The seven footer with range out to the three point line lived up to his billing as a freshman by averaging 14.4 points per game. If he leaves, along with seniors Jamar Butler and Othello Hunter, the Buckeyes will lose their best scorers from a team that struggled to put the ball in the hoop. Koufos needs to become a better rebounder and a more physical player before he makes an impact in the NBA, but it's a near certainty that he'll be a lottery pick this offseason if he chooses to stay in the draft. If that happens, not even a recruiting class that includes the #1 prospect in the country according to some may be able to prevent another bubble season.
Pac Ten: Kevin Love. It's a virtual certainty that Love will stay in the draft, but the big man from Oregon has yet to hire an agent and has retained his eligibility so far. Needless to say this would be a big coup for the Bruins if Love returns given that he was, statistically, one of the top two players in the country alongside Michael Beasley of Kansas State. Given that teammates Russell Westbrook, Josh Shipp, and Luc Richard Mbah-a-Moute have also declared for the draft, but if Love were to come back that would certainly mitigate the pain of losing any of those three.
Big East: Joe Alexander. While a potential return by Syracuse frosh Donte Greene might have more impact, there's little chance of that. Alexander is projected to be a first round pick, but if the athletic small forward from Mount Airy were to return to West Virginia the Mountaineers would lose only Darris Nicholls and could stand to improve on last season's Sweet 16 finish. Alexander gained most of his national notoriety in his team's upset of Duke in the NCAA Tournament, but he could stand to come back to school for his final season in order to improve his offensive game. If he does, Bob Huggins will do big things in his second season in Morgantown.
This is the first in a series of articles about this year's NBA Draft. The series will end when I feel like not writing anymore. The series may be only one entry long. The series may eventually be released as a TV miniseries and entitled Ken Burns' Baseball. No one knows (good song).
This entry looks at each of the major conferences and the early entrants whose (potential) departure most heavily impacts next years' conference races.
ACC: Tywon Lawson. Even with Tyler Hansbrough returning for his senior season, whether or not Tywon Lawson remains in the draft will be critical for North Carolina. With Quentin Thomas graduating, Lawson's departure would mean that point guard responsibilities would be divided between senior Bobby Frasor, who was limited by injury to just twelve games last season, along with incoming freshman Larry Drew of California. Frasor is a competent backup with some starting experience and Drew is a well-regarded, if not elite, prospect, but there has to be major questions about whether either player could play well enough next season for a team that will contend for a National Championship once again if Ellington and Green make their way back to Chapel Hill. Lawson's speed in the open court is perfect for the Tar Heels run and gun offense and his impact on the team likely goes beyond his raw scoring and assist averages.
SEC: Jamont Gordon. Mississippi State recovered from a slow start this season to win 23 games and make it to the second round of the tournament. While the Bulldogs lost two key contributors from a 12 win SEC team (Charles Rhodes to graduation and Ben Hansbrough to transfer), the return of Gordon, who averaged a Vasquezian 17.5-6-6-4.9-4.1 (pts, rebs, ast, to) line last season, could make them the early favorite in the SEC West for next season. Without Gordon, they'll have to duke it out with the rest of the pack that includes Ole Miss, Alabama and Arkansas. Gordon, much like Vasquez, lacks the scoring efficiency and outside shooting to make him NBA-ready so he would be wise to return for his senior season.
Big XII: Darrell Arthur. The sophomore big man somewhat quietly led eventual National Champion Kansas in scoring in the regular season before finishing second to Brandon Rush. His 12.8 ppg average may not seem gaudy, but considering how balanced the Jayhawks were and that the average was compiled in just under 25 minutes per game at 54% shooting and it's easy to see how valuable Arthur was. If both Arthur and Mario Chalmers leave, Sherron Collins would be the only player in the team's top eight to return to Kansas. While the Jayhawks program is one that typically reloads rather than rebuilds, losing seven contributors is a tough hit to take. If Arthur returns he would provide a much needed inside complement to Collins and possibly Chalmers on the outside. If Arthur leaves, the expectations at Kansas should not include a return trip to the Final Four.
Big Ten: Kosta Koufos. Ohio State head coach Thad Matta might be the best recruiter in college basketball right now, but even his skills couldn't prevent the loss of Greg Oden, Mike Conley, and Daequan Cook from taking the Buckeyes from National Runner-up to NIT Champions. While Ohio State disappointed, one time Maryland recruit Kosta Koufos did not. The seven footer with range out to the three point line lived up to his billing as a freshman by averaging 14.4 points per game. If he leaves, along with seniors Jamar Butler and Othello Hunter, the Buckeyes will lose their best scorers from a team that struggled to put the ball in the hoop. Koufos needs to become a better rebounder and a more physical player before he makes an impact in the NBA, but it's a near certainty that he'll be a lottery pick this offseason if he chooses to stay in the draft. If that happens, not even a recruiting class that includes the #1 prospect in the country according to some may be able to prevent another bubble season.
Pac Ten: Kevin Love. It's a virtual certainty that Love will stay in the draft, but the big man from Oregon has yet to hire an agent and has retained his eligibility so far. Needless to say this would be a big coup for the Bruins if Love returns given that he was, statistically, one of the top two players in the country alongside Michael Beasley of Kansas State. Given that teammates Russell Westbrook, Josh Shipp, and Luc Richard Mbah-a-Moute have also declared for the draft, but if Love were to come back that would certainly mitigate the pain of losing any of those three.
Big East: Joe Alexander. While a potential return by Syracuse frosh Donte Greene might have more impact, there's little chance of that. Alexander is projected to be a first round pick, but if the athletic small forward from Mount Airy were to return to West Virginia the Mountaineers would lose only Darris Nicholls and could stand to improve on last season's Sweet 16 finish. Alexander gained most of his national notoriety in his team's upset of Duke in the NCAA Tournament, but he could stand to come back to school for his final season in order to improve his offensive game. If he does, Bob Huggins will do big things in his second season in Morgantown.
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