A good old fashion rant.

Right-handers of the world, there are more of you. We left-handers understand this and deal accordingly. We frequently conform to your world (e.g. scissors, computer mice, handshakes, et al). Again, we understand this and deal accordingly. But, there is one injustice I will not stand for, and that is the plight of desk selection for every left-handed person in a lecture hall or classroom.

I frequently enter my classrooms and quickly scan the landscape of backwards-hat-laden, headphone-plugged-in drones and tight tee-shirt-wearing, thong-revealing clones to find the only left-handed desks in the whole room already occupied.

My thought process often begins by giving these folks the benefit of the doubt, considering that maybe, just maybe, they use these left-handed desks for their properly created and intended purposes. I mean, I am not out to criticize my fellow left-handed brethren and sistren. Plus, I consider myself rather levelheaded and polite.

So I let it go, and take my right-handed desk elsewhere, pushing past swiveled legs with my swollen backpack, apologizing for making them shift and lift their desk out of my way.

A few minutes into lecture, I frequently find myself disappointed with my own good graces toward said left-handed-desk-hoarding students. The majority of them end up being right-handed, many using these seats to sit near their equally right-handed chums.

As I sit there, taking notes in a scrawled and crooked position (somewhat resembling a Cirque du Soleil contortionist), my back twists and tightens. And with each uncomfortable maneuver to alleviate the muscle spasm brewing in my lower lumbar region, I am reminded that I could be sitting in a desk better suited for me.

This is an unfair analogy; BUT, if it helps you remember, consider left-handed desks to be the “handicapped parking” of the classroom seating They aren’t for you. Please don’t use them. And, I’ll probably try to institute some ticketing and fine process on you if I catch you sitting there illegally.

They aren’t for your convenience, for you to sit near friends, or because you don’t want to be the person to push past all those people who awkwardly take all the seats near the aisle (another huge annoyance I might address later).

We lefties only get a handful of these seats (12 at most in the biggest chemistry lecture hall on campus, in my experience), and it means the world to us if you would so graciously MOVE.

Heroes: Stop Annoying Me

I was going to make this witty and long with many points backing up my thesis (my thesis = Heroes annoyed me tonight), but now not so much. The issue is, Heroes keeps introducing shades of gray into their characterizations, rather than having everyone just being good or bad in a black and white manner. That's good, but they're overdoing it.

Sylar isn't a heartless killer, he's a somewhat intelligent and empathetic man that can be redeemed.

Peter now has "Gabriel's" power, and he's turning into what Sylar is trying not to be. [Not to mention his uber-annoying future self].

Stephen Canfield isn't actually a bad guy who needs to go back to Level 5, he's just misunderstood by The Company, particularly Noah Bennett.

And Noah, let's not get started there. All he wants to do is kill Sylar, and with good reason, but Sylar's quotes about him being a "user" of people ring too true for a supposed good guy.

Mohinder? Well, he's mad with power and encasing people in a mucus like substance. Why is he doing that? For reasons.

Hiro even killed his best friend. Not that that one will stick, but WTF. Ando is awesome, and Hiro killed him nonchalantly.

Of course the show is still entertaining. The story of the formula has great potential, as does the Noah-Sylar dynamic. Peter and Sylar's looming showdown will be great too. Now please Heroes writers, let's just have a little less of you beating me over the head with how many of the characters aren't what we thought they were.

Key Moves Corollary 2!!!

Standard warning: these key moves will make people think less of you, and may cause serious intestinal harm.

- Generating math formulas to evaluate non-mathematical situations is DEFINITELY a key move. For example: Sarah Jessica Parker + Tail = Horse + makeup – cuteness – friendliness + body fat

- Making fun of, insulting and otherwise comparing Sarah Jessica Parker to a horse (or even multiple horses) is a key move.

- Fests are a key move when trying to do a LOT of one thing. Like boomer eating… or buzz cutting

- Concept Albums … obvious key move… need I say more? I think not.

- Eating food with GUSTO… key move.

- Using phrases related to and/or made popular by failblog.org is a key move in all situations. Examples include: ‘Epic fail’, ‘taxonomy fail’, or just the classic ‘fail’

- Sarcastic links are a key move. For example: Sarah Jessica Parker recently starred in a new movie about the extremely popular TV show ‘Sex and the City’

(No horses... I mean Sarah Jessica Parkers... no, I meant horses... were harmed in the writing of this blog post. Plenty of Sarah Jessica Parkers were.)

Pictures That Make Me Laugh at Midnight

So I know that this is a sports and entertainment blog. I get that. I concepted the idea with Steve in Papa Kagan's class. I know it's not for personal thoughts or reflections. The thing is, it's currently midnight, the very beginning of June 30th, 2008. I've been on summer break for well over a month now and I've only seen a few of my friends from school, and that really hasn't been to hang out. It's been rough not getting to see or talk to the guys who made a wacky year of dorm living so bearable and fungasmic.

But I was perusing the facebook website and came across some fun pictures that made me laugh out loud. Not a "lol," but a genuine, doubled over, laugh. These pictures are all of the five of us in our natural habitat, the 2201 Calvert. (Aside: I'm probably giving away too much information right now. But the way I see it, Starbucks is overpriced. Also, the only people who read this blog are people we know anyway, so it doesn't really matter. ) As my way of rationalizing this blog to the motif of the overall "says things" ethos, I'm just going to say that these pictures will certainly inform people of who we are and what we're about. Our blog seems inane and almost certainly insane. We have weird random in-jokes and things that will make all five of us laugh.

I present the first picture, the one that originally made me want to write this post.



Of course, a picture like this is worth a thousand words and deserves all sorts of an explanation. By the way, if any of the bloggers on this website don't find this picture extremely amusing, he's out of my top five.

Basically, Steve is applying spackle to the wall where he busted it with a Boom move and I'm choking out Rob. If you've ever seen an action spy movie, the hero always comes up behind a guard, puts a chookehold on him, then says "shh, shh, shh" as the victim is put to sleep and laid on the ground by the hero. That's what I'm doing to Rob in this picture. With the sound effects and everything.




So I wrote that over the summer. And then I "lost my muse." I just couldn't find any way to write about it. It's not that I didn't have anything to say about it, it's just that I couldn't find the words to fully express that picture. So here I am, in October, almost four months later. A third of a year has passed. Some of my original groanings were fulfilled. I saw my friends. Hanging out happened. Rob yelled at me ad nauseum to finish this damn blog post. And I have no idea how to finish it. So I'm just gonna publish it. Not like anyone read this shit anyways.


Peace yo

Thank You, Jerkass

Wat

If you're a Terps fan, you're hard-wired with a sense of pessimism that causes you to think the worst possible outcome will always be the one that you witness. Maybe it's a function of the Bias tragedy, the years as a football bottom dweller, and the close-but-no-cigar nature of the basketball for so many years before the National Championship. Or maybe it's just something ingrained in all sports fans (especially the loud ones from Philly - you know the ones I mean).

Either way, if you've watched this year's Terps football team, you know that nothing is set in stone. Start the season by losing to Middle Tennessee and squeaking by Delaware. Follow that up with wins over Cal and Clemson when things look bleakest. So even going into what is, on paper, a laugher against Virginia, you just don't take things lightly. The Terps could blow the Cavs out, or they could squeak by them. A loss isn't out of the question. But no one saw this travesty coming.

This loss was worse than the Terps' basketball losses to American and Ohio last December. The Terps not only lost to the worst team in the conference, they were thoroughly whipped, 31-0. It was amazing. After Virginia came into Byrd last season and beat the Terps by constantly running off-tackle, led by Mikell Simpson and Cedric Peerman, they did the same thing tonight. Peerman had 110 yards (only 96 in UVA's first four games) and Simpson had 77 yards (105 coming into tonight).

Let me take this opportunity to remind you that this was a Virginia team that had lost by a combined score of 128-20 to its three Division I-A opponents this season. Including a four-TD loss to a Duke team that hadn't won a conference game since 2004. Think about that one.

The Terps looked particularly terrible at the line of scrimmage. Both lines lack talent, and it was exposed against a supposedly inferior team for the second time this season. The defensive line has a complete lack of playmakers, and the offensive line was terrible in both rush and pass protection, despite being one of the most experienced units in the country. Da'rel Scott put up poor numbers again this week, but its tough for him to run when defenders are already in the backfield when he touches the ball.

The coaching staff is an embarrassment at this point. The Fridge is 15-19 in ACC games since the start of the 2004 season, a record that barely qualifies as mediocre. Defensive coordinator Chris Cosh does not seem to ever have watched a game of football before in his life, and seems only slightly more qualified to be a collegiate coordinator than my Mom is. With all due respect to retards, Cosh is a retard.

New Offensive Coordinator James Franklin is showing why Fridge likes him so much. His offense has somehow managed to give DHB just one touch (no catches) in two weeks of ACC play. Even if he isn't open in the passing game, how awesome has he been running the ball? He has about 300 yards on 11 carries over the past two seasons, and with the team down big, you don't even try to get something going by giving your star playmaker the ball? And let's not even talk about the lack of imagination in playcalling when Josh Portis goes under center. With just two throws (compared to 25 runs) this year so far, it isn't hard for opposing defenses to guess what happens when Portis plays QB.

So who cares anymore? The Terps will probably win the two more games that they need to make it to a bowl game. But is anyone excited about playing Navy in the first annual EagleBank Bowl at RFK stadium a few days before Christmas? I'm not, and unfortunately the Fridge's warranty has expired (me = clever).

I knew he was up to something...

Seeing how no one else posts on here anymore, I'll add another goofy picture for your viewing enjoyment.
















Oh yeah. UMD Football beat California, EMU, and Clemson.
No big deal.