TV Showdown

A question, via Facebook.com, from our friend Mumpkins:

Steve Stehle which was better, boy meets world or saved by the bell?

yes, these are the questions I ponder at 2:30 am.

I originally tried to give a yes or no answer, but that wouldn't suffice.

So I thought, why not do a point-by-point comparison.

Let's take this down, Dr. Jack Style:

Protagonist: Zack Morris vs. Corey Matthews

This is probably the easiest battle of the day. Zack Morris is the man. Corey Matthews never broke the fourth wall. He doesn't have his own style of phone. He never won a National Championship. He hasn’t done anything. And look at the way the two got in trouble. Both were inherently slackers, but Matthews liked to piss off his teachers and just screw around. Morris had zany adventures and get-rich-quick schemes.

Verdict: Zach Morris in a walk. SBTB 1, BMW 0

Best Friend: AC Slater vs. Shawn Hunter

AC Slater is an all-around jock and all American. He also was on dancing with the stars. He was known at times to be a rival of Zach but he also was a good second banana. Shawn was Corey’s best friend since childhood. Much cooler and much more popular than Corey, he was always on the cutting edge and getting Corey into trouble. Both characters were loyal to their friends, but let’s face it: Shawn just had more panache.

Verdict: Shawn Hunter. Tiger Beat’s dreamiest guy ’94! SBTB 1, BMW 1

Girlfriend: Kelly Kapowski vs. Topanga Lawrence

This one is not as easy as it seems. Though Kelly is much hotter than Topanga, that is not all that we can rely on for judgment. Kelly is the cheerleader, captain of the volleyball team, and all-around jailbait (or at least presumably she was ). Topanga is the smartest girl in the school, a flower child, and holder of one of the greatest tv names of all time (Say it with me now, “TO-PAN-GA!). Let’s look at their relationships with their respective boyfriends (Zach and Corey) Zach and Kelly has an on-again off-again relationship early in the series. Zach was seen canoodling with every piece of tail he could get, and though I can’t confirm, there’s a 100% chance he did the classic 80s move of watching a girl pass him by then, after she walks past him, lowering his sunglasses down his nose to get a better look (Queue Yellow’s “Oh yeah”). Corey and Topanga, though not together when the series ended, were basically husband and wife by the middle of high school. The story was eventually ret-conned such that they were together since early preschool days, though this is just attributed to writers not giving a damn. Except for a brief story arc in high school were Corey kissed some other girl (how did that Jew-froed kid get that tail we’ll never know), Corey and Topanga were inseparable. They would eventually become man and wife, as would Kelly and Zack. However, Zack and Kelly did it in a tv movie, Corey and Topanga did it inside of the series itself.

Verdict: Though tough, it seems as though Topanga is the winner here. But it’s freakin’ Kelly Kapowski. Half point for the kids of Bayside. SBTB 1.5, BMS 2

Comic Relief: Screech Powers vs. Eric Matthews

Screech was and is really just a poor man’s Urkel. He’s the typical genius/dweeb/geek. He has a robot friend and an unending crush on Lisa Turtle. He’s not so much comic relief as he is the deus ex machina that causes Zack to get into typical sitcom situations. He’ll call out Zack for being on two dates at once or for rigging the home-ec competition. Eric Matthews, however, is a horse of a different color. Originally he started as the smooth and slick older brother type character. He eventually evolved into an imbecile who was a master of the dumb comment or the key pratfall. Also: The Feeny Call. Nothing Screech does can ever top that.

Verdict: Eric Matthews. SBTB 1.5, BMW 3

School: Bayside High/California University vs. John Adams/Pennbrook

Bayside High is home of the Tigers. Set somewhere on the left coast, it is home to three sets of lockers, a central staircase with some posters and ample room for random banner hanging, a class room on the right, and Belding’s office on the right. John Adams High is somewhere in Philly and has two sets of some smaller stairs, two sets of lockers, ample room for banner hanging, a classroom, and somewhere is Feeny’s office. There’s also a pay phone.

California University has a 40-year-old RA who is a former football player. It is also home to the only college dorm suites I know of that have a central room with boys’ and girls’ rooms on either side. Pennbrook is home to the only student union in the world with no one hanging out it and a free pool table. They also have co-ed showers. SBTB was primarily a show about high school kids and the college years just didn’t have much of an impression. However, BMW really hit its stride in the college years, Mr. Turner and the Token Black Teacher be damned.

Verdict: SBTB for high school, BMW for college. SBTB 2.5, BMW 4

Theme Song

Honestly, all I know about the theme song to BMW is that it just repeated the phrase “When this boy meets world” until they were done introducing people. SBTB has one of the most iconic theme songs of the 90s.

Verdict: It’s all right, cause I’m saved by the bell! SBTB 3.5, BMW 4

Principal: Richard Belding vs. George Feeny

Both serve as mentors to the students, and both are early and frequent adversaries to their ridiculous hi-jinks and shenanigans. Belding had his trademark, “Hey hey hey what is going on here?” Feeny used to the be the voice of a car. Was Feeny a creeper when he followed his class to college, while Belding stayed back to help out The New Class? Hell if I know, but he always seemed like he had a thing for Mr. Matthews.

Verdict: Feeny. As a kid was a scary Principal, but eventually he became the best of friends. SBTB 3.5, BMW 5

Hangout: The Max vs. Chubbies

Both were fantastic places to hang out. Chubbies was a basement burger place, and The Max was a neon shrine to the late 80s/early 90s. Both had tragic endings. The Max burned down (thanks New Class) and Chubbies became a pirate restaurant. Sad times. Chubbies became less of an important place later in the series as it was replaced by the Eric’s apartment.

Verdict: Raspberry Iced Tea + Tropical Punch = The Max. SBTB 4.5, BMW 5

Supporting Cast

In terms of family lives, SBTB didn’t really have one. Corey had his family, Shawn had his semblance of a family (including a half brother, a drunk/dead father, and a trailer), and there was a Minkus. BMW had more memorable teachers and overall a much larger cast than SBTB. Even accounting for the summer at Malibu Sands and our good friend Tori, BMW still overpowers SBTB. As for eye candy, Angela and Rachel were actually interesting characters with developed back stories. Lisa and Jesse Spano are flat characters. Although it is fun to think that Elizabeth Berkeley had such a bright future until she blew it up in Showgirls.

Verdict: SBTB kept it simple. Maybe too simple. SBTB 4.5, BMW 6

Intangibles: AKA “Jeter-Ness”

SBTB ran on Saturday morning tv along with… nothing else. The College Years moved it into prime time tv, and the New Class was a fresh attempt to try to revamp the series. There were also two tv movies and the fun Malibu Sands Adventure. BMW ran in the leviathan of tv programming that was ABC’s TGIF. Think about it. This was a tv program that ran under the same mantle as Family Matters, Full House, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and Perfect Strangers. While SBTB may have been the killer app of a dead NBC line-up, BMW is one of the most memorable shows from a powerhouse group.

Verdict: Boy Meets World. SBTB 4.5, BMW 7

And there you have it. By my calculations, Boy Meets World was better than Saved by the Bell, and by a considerable margin..

Father Figures

I like sitcoms. I like the fun antics and shenanigans. But even better than that are the role models and guides who bring these shenanigan-doers back on course. I'm talking, of course, about father figures. Some may call them TV Dads, but not every one of them is a dad. But they are all sage older men who help and really round out the show. Without these characters, I don't know if any of the shows they were in would have been as good. Without these characters, we may never have had TGIF. If they were to make a pantheon of father figures from tv sitcoms, the following men would be in it:

George Feeny
Williams Daniels already had an excellent career in television before Boy Meets World came on the air. He had a good tenure on the show St. Elsewhere and even won two Emmys for his role on that show. Oh, and also, by they way, he was KITT. He was the voice of the greatest car ever not named the Batmobile. How do you go up from two Emmys and being the most badass vehicle ever created? I'll tell you how. You play Mr. George Feeny. He may have been the greatest mentor ever seen on television. He guided Cory and Shawn from childhood through adulthood. He had as much to do with the Boy meeting the World as Alan or Amy. And he is probably the most versatile teacher ever. Who else can teach 6th grade, be principle of a major Philadelphia-area high school, and also be an academic lecturer at the college level? I'll tell you who. George. F. Feeny. If ever I have a neighbor/teacher/man I want to teach me how to live, I want him to be just like Mr. Feeny.

The Full House Triumvirate
Danny Tanner, Jesse Katsopolis, and Joey Gladstone, portrayed by Bob Saget, The Stamos, and Dave Coulier, respectively. Essentially they were one super dad. The whole premise of the show, even, was that Danny Tanner asked these two other men to help him raise his kids. And raise them they did. All of them certainly had the loving and caring parts down. How could they not it was freakin Full House. If the show didn't end in a hug they fired the writers, hired new ones and found an ending that did involve the crowd going "awwwwwww." What's great about this father figure is how stereotypical and easily characterizable these men were. Danny was the cleaning, timid, stay at home, hey-it's-the-90s-reverse-gender-roles dad. Joey was the joking around sports loving dad. (Before you complain, I know, hockey isn't a sport.) Jesse was the cool rocking dad. All three had their parts to play in raising the children. Of course, they wound up raising a meth addict and the girl who killed the joker. So really, they didn't do that good of a job.

Uncle Phil
James Avery may have been the best foil to Will Smith's Will Smith. He represented almost every thing that Will wasn't He had money, he had position, he had power, he had grace. He was educated and knew the ins and outs of high society. That is why it only made it funnier when Will upset some part of Uncle Phil's life. Their completely contrasting styles led to some fun hi-jinks that provided all of us with laughs. This is also the only show that didn't air on TGIF. (Mondays on NBC after Blossom. I didn't even have to look that up.) That's how good this show was. And it was not Will Smith who made this show great. It wasn't even just Carlton. Though Carlton is a pretty epic sidekick character. Whenever you heard Uncle Phil bellow "WILLL" and there was an outside shot of the house, you knew good times were about to be had. Despite looking severely overweight, he was in remarkably great physical shape as noted by his constant heaving of Jazz out of the house. Plus, he has mad bank and the worst butler ever.

Zordon
Because who else was leading the Power Rangers? Alpha-5? Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi think not.

Carl Winslow
Carl Winslow aka Big Guy aka Officer Winslow aka the role Reginald VelJohnson was born to play. Seriously, has he ever not played a fat cop? No. It's like hollywood saw him in Die Hard and he was immediatly typecast as a doughnut eatting officer of the peace. Carl, along with his doppelganger Uncle Phil, is the reason this post was even invented. Family Matters is a seminal and landmark television program on TGIF due in no small part to the work of Carl Winslow. He plays the typical sitcom husband perfectly to his counterpart Harriet. He acts like a man then is quickly hen-pecked back in to place. He plays the loving, caring concerned parent to Laura, Eddie, and the forgotten daughter Judy. (To a lesser extent also Ritchie [he's coming!] and 3J, but they're rather ancillary.) The real magic of Carl Winslow was how he played the straight man to Urkel. Sure, he was a father figure to him and though my show history is fuzzy and my laziness won't allow me to look it up, I'm pretty sure he adopted Steve. That or they time travelled to a pirate ship in 3-D. I can never be sure on these things. God bless Carl Winslow, and God Bless America.