Key Moves
Warning: Do not attempt any of these Moves as they may lead to physical harm, legal action and/or social ostracism. We are trained professionals who don’t have any friends anyway.
When an elevator gets stuck, it is extremely key to climb on top of the elevator using the hatch in the ceiling. Once on top of the elevator, you can then await rescue, awaiting rescue while in the elevator is exactly what they would expect…
When in public places, it is key to call people who are across the room so that you aren’t forced to yell and/or get up.
Probably the most key thing ever is using the word sector to describe distinct areas, for example, if one of the bedrooms in your suite has the door closed, you would say “that sector is all sealed off.”
Purchasing solid-state-hard-drives for one’s computational-device is a key move when attempting to ‘pwn the n00bs.’
Walking around the campus at 11:00 pm WHILE handing out flyers for a ‘2 v. 2 Breakdance event for $200’ WHILE smoking a pipe is DEFINITELY a key move.
Doing experiments in order to earn the revenues is a key move.
Hanging enormous pictures of Llama’s in order to decorate the STAMP Student Union is a key move in the field of ‘Feng Shui’ particularly when none of the other pictures or really anything else in STAMP has anything to do with Llamas.
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to demonstrate manhood or resolve a conflict, Cage-fighting is an extremely key move.
An especially key move, specifically for the men, is eating MORE foodstuffs.
When one is attempting to win respect, pretty much the most key move ever is turning a person (generally someone whom you don’t like) into a pillar of salt. Being turned into a pillar of salt is a major lose though.
When speaking to people across the interwebs, it is a key move to go ahead and hit the ol’ caps lock and force peoples to pay attention to your unnecessarily capitalized words.
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