Fall Music!

Look (he said, channeling the President-Elect), I'm not a real music reviewer. Those guys are invariably douche bags who think they're smarter than everyone because they break an album down instead of enjoying it. My tastes aren't discerning either. So here are seven (6) new CDs from this fall that I've decided to review, plus a bonus review! (P.S. that "so" doesn't logically follow from the previous thought. Deal with it)

Metallica, Death Magnetic - Somewhere along the way, Metallica stopped being badass metal artists and started to be giant pussies who got made fun of for everything they did - cutting their hair, crying about Napster, releasing St. Anger - so it's hard to remember just how good Metallica can be. They hadn't released a studio album resembling real music in a decade (some would say longer) so naturally there was both a) a lot of hype about this CD and b) less hype than there should be.

Death Magnetic was hailed as a return to the old days, and it lived up to its billing to some extent. It might just be the best thing they've done since Ride the Lightning, and I say that as someone that liked less than popular Metallica effords like ReLoad and S&M. The first single, The Day that Never Comes, is a preview of how the band got back to its thrash metal roots, but tracks like Unforgiven III are good examples of Metallica blending in its post-80s work. This CD isn't quite an all-time classic, but it's a damn good CD.

AC/DC, Black Ice - I don't mean to make AC/DC seem like Nickelback, but if you've heard one AC/DC album, you've heard them all. That's not a terrible thing, because what AC/DC does - loud, aggresive guitars, crashing drums, and screeching vocals, it does well. But there still isn't a ton of depth in their 30 years of collected works.

Black Ice lives up to that. It's not a bad album by any stretch. It's great if you want something really loud and aggressive playing on your iPod. Sure, Brian Johnson can't seem to hit those trademark high notes as well anymore, but that's what happens with age. Sure, there's nothing groundbreaking, but does anyone think that the Youngs are doing things that are the musical heir to Beethoven?

Akon, Freedom - I have no idea how to review this CD. It's good. I'm So Paid is my jam. I enjoy making ridiculous remarks that end in "right now na na". Whatever.

Kanye West, 808s and Heartbreak - I was initially inclined to dismiss/ridicule/hate this album, but after actually listening to it, I like it a lot. The Auto-Tune that he uses throughout and has fallen in love with is more than a little ridiculous. But some of the tracks on this CD are amazing. The use of the African drums as a contrast to the Auto-Tune is very good, and just like all his previous efforts, Kanye knows how to produce a killer track.

What Kanye does can be a little over the top. Or maybe a lot over the top. I believe that he himself called Robocop a "disaster" or something like that. But when he hits - Love Lockdown, Heartless, Amazing, See You in My Nightmare - the results are as good as what he's produced on earlier albums.

The Killers, Day and Age - I love the Killers. Everyone of their CDs so far has been really good, but each CD has been radically different from the last. Hot Fuss was a sort of techno-rock that used a lot of synth and was really quirky. Then Sam's Town went for the Bruce Springsteen vibe. Sawdust was a bunch of B-sides, and seemed to be a little bit more in the vein of Sam's Town.

Now there's Day and Age. This CD has horns, it has weird chanting, bizzare lyrics that are about being abducted by aliens. . .I don't know what to make of it. The Killers are over the the top, but I love it.

But why is this CD only like a half hour long? 10 songs? Really? I mean they haven't come out with a real studio album in two years, and that's the best they can do?

Guns n' Roses, Chinese Democracy - I think this must be the record which has been maligned before its release more than any other. After numerous false starts, and SEVENTEEN YEARS after their last studio album, Guns n' Roses - one of my all-time favorite bands - finally releases a new record.

Except it's not Guns n' Roses. It's Axl Rose and a Cavalcade of Guitar Players who Aren't Slash and Who Left in the Middle of the Project Probably Because Axl Rose is a Psycho. The only remaining "original" member is the keyboard player, Dizzy Reed. And as there were no keyboards on Appetite for Destruction, he's not really an original member, is he?

Chuck Klosterman had a great review of Chinese Democracy, saying in part, "Sometimes it seems like Axl believes every single Guns N' Roses song needs to employ every single thing that Guns N' Roses has the capacity to do—there needs to be a soft part, a hard part, a falsetto stretch, some piano plinking, some R&B bullshit, a little Judas Priest, subhuman sound effects, a few Robert Plant yowls, dolphin squeaks, wind, overt sentimentality, and a caustic modernization of the blues."

And that's absolutely true. You don't take 17 years to make 14 songs if you aren't something of a perfectionist (understatement alert), but in Roses's case it's incredibly true and obvious from listening to the record. Does Madagascar really need two minutes of audio samples from Cool Hand Luke and Martin Luther King, Jr? Is it neccessary for the credits to about half of the songs include someone on "orchestra arrangement"? Apparently the answer to these questions are yes.

That's not to say it isn't a very good CD. Maybe as a follow up to their smash hits from the late 80s and early 90s, it disappoints, but the mix of classic sounding rock songs and epic ballads is a fitting followup to the Use Your Illusion albums. Still, the CD feels at home today rather than a stale revival of what worked in the early 1990s. I'm just hoping Axl decides to cobble together another CD before 2025.

SPECIAL GUEST REVIEW BY ANOTHER SAYS THINGS BLOGGER, RITCHIE*

Britney Spears, Circus - Hey Andrew, do you seek Amy? Get it? Because the line is "If You Seek Amy"? And it's clever, see. Anyway, I definitely bought this CD.

*Not actually Ritchie, though true to life in both style and content.