The Most Erudite Blog You Shall Read All Day

It has come to my attention that many of the readers of this beloved blog are unlearned in the ways of the world. Not to sound condescending but the readers are, shall we say, uncouth. They do not know of the finer things in life. They are unaware of the sophistication that is But Then Came Gary Williams. In an effort to make the readers more cosmopolitan, I will take the time to educate them on the more subtle aspects of living. Be forewarned, the knowledge contained herein may be unsuitable for all. If the reader wants to become civilized, do read ahead. If not, go to some other trash you Philistines.

It has come to my attention that many of you have the dreadful habit of using the word "prank." The hallowed Oxford English Dictionary defines prank as "A pleat, fold," and mentions that it is obscure and rare. It is also defined as a verb meaning to perform the action of a "prank." I am all for bringing back the rich heritage of Middlee Englishe, but as you may very well know these are advanced times we live in and so we must use advanced terminologies. No longer can we use such simple, outdated terms just as we can longer use such simple, outdated machines like the inclined plane. To quote the Steve Austin's creators, "We have the technology. . .we can make [it] better. . ." and so we shall.

I would like to be the first to welcome you all to a new era. It may very well become the greatest era of enlightenment and achievement the human race has ever known. From henceforth, the word "prank" and the action of "pranking" shall be known as "hax" or "haxing." The word hax is pronounced like the word "hacks." Likewise, haxing in pronounced "hacksing."

There is also one more caveat. Unlike "pranks," when one is haxing one must be sure to announce that one is indeed in the act of performing a hax. This can be done in one of two ways. The first, more simple way to do this is to merely announce to your victim that he or she has been haxed. This can be done during the haxing, after the haxing, or when the victim finds out what has been haxed.

The second way to do this is similar to the first. The announcement of the haxing is done at the same times, except this time the type of hax is also announced to the victim. Determining the type of hax is somewhat tricky, ever for a person experienced in the art. If you follow a few rules though, it can be quite easy.

• Firstly, the announcement is always [type of hax] hax. Never the other way around. For example, if I took the victim's keys and hid them, I would announce "key hax." Never would I say "hax keys."
• Note: Saying "I haxed your keys" is a perfectly acceptable way of announcing the hax

• Secondly, the type of hax is determined by what has most been affected by the hax or what was used to do the haxing. For example, if someone's pencils were placed in jello, it would be known as a jello hax. It would not be a pencil hax. However, if the pencils were merely taken and hidden, it would only be a pencil hax.

• A special case of the Second rule is when the haxing is done to imitate someone. If the person's personal effects are taken and used to perform the hax, then the announcement is not "[personal effects] hax." Instead it is "[name of person]" hax.

Although these seem like confusing rules, they can easily be learned through practice and patience. I thank those of you who have made it through this seminar. Although it may not be the easiest to be the ivory tower amidst the heathen masses, some of us must do it. You have taken my call and responded splendidly. Now it is your duty to spread this knowledge to others. For to be true Renaissance men and women we must take it upon ourselves to bring the rest of the world to our standards, not lower ourselves to them. So spread the good news of haxing, for its time has come.

Godspeed!