Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Back in Red
Is this blog died? Probably, but who cares. I need to talk about something. Something near and dear to the five of us that write here on occasion. That something is actually someone; Gary Williams.
Gary Williams is a great man and a great coach. There was never any doubting that. But his Terps have fallen on hard times recently, and there's been more than a few people critical of his performance, namely in the area of recruiting. I've been one of those people.
But now Gary Williams is throwing it back in the haters faces by putting together what could be one of his best recruiting classes, and certainly his best dating back to at least 2003. People probably already know about PG Terrell Stoglin (ranked #88 ESPN/#121 Rivals for his class) and SG Terrence Ross (#39 ESPN/#43 Rivals) who have both been members of the 2010 recruiting class since the spring. Now Gary has gone out and added SF Mychal Parker, who actually plays HS basketball in Charlottesville, VA and picked the Terps over UVA among others. Parker is another top recruit (#42 ESPN/#53 Rivals) who will play someone where on the wing during his time here. He's athletic, he can finish and he can defend.
Things have certainly turned around since January when the Terps were losing by 40 points at Cameron Indoor Stadium and looking destined to not even make the NIT. Gary was under fire, and boy has he responded to his critics, showing why he's one of the greatest coaches in the game. With the increased willingness to recruit and the return of Greivis Vasquez, things are much brighter than they have been at any point in recent memory.
It's not even over yet. The Terps will still have one or two spots in this next recruiting class and are rumored to be in the mix for at least a half dozen top prospects, including one ranked as high as #5 in the country who Gary will visit at home in New York next month. The man is turning it on, thanks in no small part to Chuck D and Rob EEEEEEEEEsahn.
And of course there's next season to think about. Jay Bilas recently picked the Terps to be third in the conference, and although he's more of a Maryland homer than I am at times, he knows what he's talking about moreso than almost any other mainstream college hoops analyst. The team should be expected to finish behind a young but talented UNC team and perhaps Duke as well, but after that the Terps look better on paper than any other team in the conference.
So whatever. This is just a disjointed series of thoughts relating to how college basketball is making me cream my shorts (nasty). I end with this.
I Love Gary Williams
Lig.
Gary Williams is a great man and a great coach. There was never any doubting that. But his Terps have fallen on hard times recently, and there's been more than a few people critical of his performance, namely in the area of recruiting. I've been one of those people.
But now Gary Williams is throwing it back in the haters faces by putting together what could be one of his best recruiting classes, and certainly his best dating back to at least 2003. People probably already know about PG Terrell Stoglin (ranked #88 ESPN/#121 Rivals for his class) and SG Terrence Ross (#39 ESPN/#43 Rivals) who have both been members of the 2010 recruiting class since the spring. Now Gary has gone out and added SF Mychal Parker, who actually plays HS basketball in Charlottesville, VA and picked the Terps over UVA among others. Parker is another top recruit (#42 ESPN/#53 Rivals) who will play someone where on the wing during his time here. He's athletic, he can finish and he can defend.
Things have certainly turned around since January when the Terps were losing by 40 points at Cameron Indoor Stadium and looking destined to not even make the NIT. Gary was under fire, and boy has he responded to his critics, showing why he's one of the greatest coaches in the game. With the increased willingness to recruit and the return of Greivis Vasquez, things are much brighter than they have been at any point in recent memory.
It's not even over yet. The Terps will still have one or two spots in this next recruiting class and are rumored to be in the mix for at least a half dozen top prospects, including one ranked as high as #5 in the country who Gary will visit at home in New York next month. The man is turning it on, thanks in no small part to Chuck D and Rob EEEEEEEEEsahn.
And of course there's next season to think about. Jay Bilas recently picked the Terps to be third in the conference, and although he's more of a Maryland homer than I am at times, he knows what he's talking about moreso than almost any other mainstream college hoops analyst. The team should be expected to finish behind a young but talented UNC team and perhaps Duke as well, but after that the Terps look better on paper than any other team in the conference.
So whatever. This is just a disjointed series of thoughts relating to how college basketball is making me cream my shorts (nasty). I end with this.
I Love Gary Williams
Lig.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
TV Showdown
A question, via Facebook.com, from our friend Mumpkins:
Steve Stehle which was better, boy meets world or saved by the bell?
yes, these are the questions I ponder at 2:30 am.
yes, these are the questions I ponder at 2:30 am.
I originally tried to give a yes or no answer, but that wouldn't suffice.
So I thought, why not do a point-by-point comparison.
Let's take this down, Dr. Jack Style:
Protagonist: Zack Morris vs. Corey Matthews
This is probably the easiest battle of the day. Zack Morris is the man. Corey Matthews never broke the fourth wall. He doesn't have his own style of phone. He never won a National Championship. He hasn’t done anything. And look at the way the two got in trouble. Both were inherently slackers, but Matthews liked to piss off his teachers and just screw around. Morris had zany adventures and get-rich-quick schemes.
Verdict: Zach Morris in a walk. SBTB 1, BMW 0
Best Friend: AC Slater vs. Shawn Hunter
AC Slater is an all-around jock and all American. He also was on dancing with the stars. He was known at times to be a rival of Zach but he also was a good second banana. Shawn was Corey’s best friend since childhood. Much cooler and much more popular than Corey, he was always on the cutting edge and getting Corey into trouble. Both characters were loyal to their friends, but let’s face it: Shawn just had more panache.
Verdict: Shawn Hunter. Tiger Beat’s dreamiest guy ’94! SBTB 1, BMW 1
Girlfriend: Kelly Kapowski vs. Topanga Lawrence
This one is not as easy as it seems. Though Kelly is much hotter than Topanga, that is not all that we can rely on for judgment. Kelly is the cheerleader, captain of the volleyball team, and all-around jailbait (or at least presumably she was ). Topanga is the smartest girl in the school, a flower child, and holder of one of the greatest tv names of all time (Say it with me now, “TO-PAN-GA!). Let’s look at their relationships with their respective boyfriends (Zach and Corey) Zach and Kelly has an on-again off-again relationship early in the series. Zach was seen canoodling with every piece of tail he could get, and though I can’t confirm, there’s a 100% chance he did the classic 80s move of watching a girl pass him by then, after she walks past him, lowering his sunglasses down his nose to get a better look (Queue Yellow’s “Oh yeah”). Corey and Topanga, though not together when the series ended, were basically husband and wife by the middle of high school. The story was eventually ret-conned such that they were together since early preschool days, though this is just attributed to writers not giving a damn. Except for a brief story arc in high school were Corey kissed some other girl (how did that Jew-froed kid get that tail we’ll never know), Corey and Topanga were inseparable. They would eventually become man and wife, as would Kelly and Zack. However, Zack and Kelly did it in a tv movie, Corey and Topanga did it inside of the series itself.
Verdict: Though tough, it seems as though Topanga is the winner here. But it’s freakin’ Kelly Kapowski. Half point for the kids of Bayside. SBTB 1.5, BMS 2
Comic Relief: Screech Powers vs. Eric Matthews
Screech was and is really just a poor man’s Urkel. He’s the typical genius/dweeb/geek. He has a robot friend and an unending crush on Lisa Turtle. He’s not so much comic relief as he is the deus ex machina that causes Zack to get into typical sitcom situations. He’ll call out Zack for being on two dates at once or for rigging the home-ec competition. Eric Matthews, however, is a horse of a different color. Originally he started as the smooth and slick older brother type character. He eventually evolved into an imbecile who was a master of the dumb comment or the key pratfall. Also: The Feeny Call. Nothing Screech does can ever top that.
Verdict: Eric Matthews. SBTB 1.5, BMW 3
School: Bayside High/California University vs. John Adams/Pennbrook
Bayside High is home of the Tigers. Set somewhere on the left coast, it is home to three sets of lockers, a central staircase with some posters and ample room for random banner hanging, a class room on the right, and Belding’s office on the right. John Adams High is somewhere in Philly and has two sets of some smaller stairs, two sets of lockers, ample room for banner hanging, a classroom, and somewhere is Feeny’s office. There’s also a pay phone.
California University has a 40-year-old RA who is a former football player. It is also home to the only college dorm suites I know of that have a central room with boys’ and girls’ rooms on either side. Pennbrook is home to the only student union in the world with no one hanging out it and a free pool table. They also have co-ed showers. SBTB was primarily a show about high school kids and the college years just didn’t have much of an impression. However, BMW really hit its stride in the college years, Mr. Turner and the Token Black Teacher be damned.
Verdict: SBTB for high school, BMW for college. SBTB 2.5, BMW 4
Theme Song
Honestly, all I know about the theme song to BMW is that it just repeated the phrase “When this boy meets world” until they were done introducing people. SBTB has one of the most iconic theme songs of the 90s.
Verdict: It’s all right, cause I’m saved by the bell! SBTB 3.5, BMW 4
Principal: Richard Belding vs. George Feeny
Both serve as mentors to the students, and both are early and frequent adversaries to their ridiculous hi-jinks and shenanigans. Belding had his trademark, “Hey hey hey what is going on here?” Feeny used to the be the voice of a car. Was Feeny a creeper when he followed his class to college, while Belding stayed back to help out The New Class? Hell if I know, but he always seemed like he had a thing for Mr. Matthews.
Verdict: Feeny. As a kid was a scary Principal, but eventually he became the best of friends. SBTB 3.5, BMW 5
Hangout: The Max vs. Chubbies
Both were fantastic places to hang out. Chubbies was a basement burger place, and The Max was a neon shrine to the late 80s/early 90s. Both had tragic endings. The Max burned down (thanks New Class) and Chubbies became a pirate restaurant. Sad times. Chubbies became less of an important place later in the series as it was replaced by the Eric’s apartment.
Verdict: Raspberry Iced Tea + Tropical Punch = The Max. SBTB 4.5, BMW 5
Supporting Cast
In terms of family lives, SBTB didn’t really have one. Corey had his family, Shawn had his semblance of a family (including a half brother, a drunk/dead father, and a trailer), and there was a Minkus. BMW had more memorable teachers and overall a much larger cast than SBTB. Even accounting for the summer at Malibu Sands and our good friend Tori, BMW still overpowers SBTB. As for eye candy, Angela and Rachel were actually interesting characters with developed back stories. Lisa and Jesse Spano are flat characters. Although it is fun to think that Elizabeth Berkeley had such a bright future until she blew it up in Showgirls.
Verdict: SBTB kept it simple. Maybe too simple. SBTB 4.5, BMW 6
Intangibles: AKA “Jeter-Ness”
SBTB ran on Saturday morning tv along with… nothing else. The College Years moved it into prime time tv, and the New Class was a fresh attempt to try to revamp the series. There were also two tv movies and the fun Malibu Sands Adventure. BMW ran in the leviathan of tv programming that was ABC’s TGIF. Think about it. This was a tv program that ran under the same mantle as Family Matters, Full House, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and Perfect Strangers. While SBTB may have been the killer app of a dead NBC line-up, BMW is one of the most memorable shows from a powerhouse group.
Verdict: Boy Meets World. SBTB 4.5, BMW 7
And there you have it. By my calculations, Boy Meets World was better than Saved by the Bell, and by a considerable margin..
Friday, May 22, 2009
Scrillas are graduating...
Seeing as how 2 of the Scrillas are graduating in a few hours, I've decided to write a new post as a memorial of their college careers. I could make this a sappy "go get 'em!" post like the drawn out, overdone speeches that will be given at their commencements tomorrow, but that would be pointless. So I will simply say congratulations to Steve and Andrew. You guys made it. As the first Scrillas to graduate, you guys need to introduce the real world to the Scrillas. I don't know if they're ready for us yet, but the first time either of you say "many muldible" or "I'm not gonna lie..." I'm sure you'll have significant explaining to do.
I would say you guys have taught me resilience, but neither of you made it through engineering. Let's be honest here. If I can make it this far in EE by going to as few classes as I have, studying as little as I have, and generally being as apathetic about school as I've been, what does that say about your willingness to give up? You're quitters! BONES IT!
In all seriousness, you 2 have been my dawgrahams for the last 2 years and I don't know how next year is going to work out, but you guys had better get down here quite a bit. Don't be strangers. We will organize a Scrilla trip to Costa Rica for mangos and ziplining, and I will be sure to let you know when the "anything goes but clothes party" will be held.
Congratulations Mumpkins and Turd: Scrilla Class of 2009! Good luck!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Eminem is Back
In case you haven't heard, Eminem is returning from a five year hiatus with a new CD coming out next month. To celebrate this, here are my picks for the three best songs from each of the previous four Eminem CDs, complete with a sample of the lyrics that make Eminem one of the best rappers alive.
Slim Shady LP (1999)
-My Fault
She said, / I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not married
I don't even have any kids and I can't cook/(Hello!) I'm over here Sue, (hi) you're talkin to the plant, look!
-Cum on Everybody
I just remembered that I'm absent minded/Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it
I'm freestylin every verse that I spit/cause I don't even remember the words to my shit (umm, one two)
-Just Don't Give a Fuck
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from/You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, fuck it, while we comin out in the open/I'm doin acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin dope then
Marshall Mathers LP (2000)
-Kill You
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches/vain Vicadin, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN!
Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all/danglin from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts/Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts
-Drug Ballad
Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark/This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark/And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl/And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my prediction is you're gonna probably fall/Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
-The Way I Am
with the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too/When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
and they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn) and the heroin/Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy/Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city/havin this happenin (this happenin)..
The Eminem Show (2002)
-White America
See the problem is I speak to suburban kids /Who otherwise woulda never knew these words exist
Who's mom's probably woulda never gave 2 squirts of pissTill I created so much muthafuckin' turbulance
-Soldier
I love pissin' you off, it gets me off, /like my lawyers, when the fuckin' judge lets me off
all you motherfuckas gotta do is set me off/or violate me, and all the motherfuckin' bets be off
I'm a lit fuse, anything I do, bitch, is news/pistol whippin' motherfuckin' bouncers, six-two
-Til I Collapse
Soon as a verse starts I eat at MC’s heart/what is he thinking, how not to go against me, smart
And it's absurd, how people hang on every word/I’ll probably never get the props I feel I ever deserve
Encore (2004)
-Mosh
Come along, follow me, as I lead through the darkness/As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength/Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog/To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon’ charge, we gon’ stomp/We gon’ march through the swamp
We gon’ mosh through the marsh/Take us right through the doors
-Like Toy Soldiers
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted/And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it/That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I helped build/It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good
-Yellow Brick Road
I'd roam the streets so much they call me a drifter/Sometimes I stick up a thumb just to hitch hike
Just to get picked up to get me a lift to 8 mile and Van Dyke/And steal a god damn bike from somebody's backyard
Slim Shady LP (1999)
-My Fault
She said, / I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not married
I don't even have any kids and I can't cook/(Hello!) I'm over here Sue, (hi) you're talkin to the plant, look!
-Cum on Everybody
I just remembered that I'm absent minded/Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it
I'm freestylin every verse that I spit/cause I don't even remember the words to my shit (umm, one two)
-Just Don't Give a Fuck
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from/You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, fuck it, while we comin out in the open/I'm doin acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin dope then
Marshall Mathers LP (2000)
-Kill You
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches/vain Vicadin, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN!
Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all/danglin from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts/Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts
-Drug Ballad
Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark/This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark/And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl/And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my prediction is you're gonna probably fall/Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
-The Way I Am
with the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too/When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
and they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn) and the heroin/Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy/Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city/havin this happenin (this happenin)..
The Eminem Show (2002)
-White America
See the problem is I speak to suburban kids /Who otherwise woulda never knew these words exist
Who's mom's probably woulda never gave 2 squirts of pissTill I created so much muthafuckin' turbulance
-Soldier
I love pissin' you off, it gets me off, /like my lawyers, when the fuckin' judge lets me off
all you motherfuckas gotta do is set me off/or violate me, and all the motherfuckin' bets be off
I'm a lit fuse, anything I do, bitch, is news/pistol whippin' motherfuckin' bouncers, six-two
-Til I Collapse
Soon as a verse starts I eat at MC’s heart/what is he thinking, how not to go against me, smart
And it's absurd, how people hang on every word/I’ll probably never get the props I feel I ever deserve
Encore (2004)
-Mosh
Come along, follow me, as I lead through the darkness/As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength/Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog/To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon’ charge, we gon’ stomp/We gon’ march through the swamp
We gon’ mosh through the marsh/Take us right through the doors
-Like Toy Soldiers
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted/And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it/That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I helped build/It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good
-Yellow Brick Road
I'd roam the streets so much they call me a drifter/Sometimes I stick up a thumb just to hitch hike
Just to get picked up to get me a lift to 8 mile and Van Dyke/And steal a god damn bike from somebody's backyard
Monday, April 6, 2009
Payback At Last
-APIt didn't give back the O's the playoff game they're still owed, but revenge is sweet no matter how its served.
Friday, March 20, 2009
They Shouldn't Let Me Play With This
Courtesy of the internet and my late-night shenanigans. All photos courtesy The Sun.
I Love Me Some Terps
Who else isn't excited by a win over Cal? We so own them this year. First Kevin Barnes and now our own Greivis just ethering those hippies from Berkeley.
Who would have thought a 13-point upset was coming from this team? Sure, they were the popular pick for an upset by most prognosticators. I myself even had this as a win in my bracket. We all "thought" that the Terps could be the Bears because we've seen how good we can be. We've also seen how awful this team can be (see: Morgan State, @Virginia). It wasn't until after the game that I realized just how amazing this win was. It wasn't that it was so startling that it happened. After all, we thought it would. It's just that this is a team that before the season I thought was going to be just awful. We had no big men, at one point we had no recruits, and I thought Greivis couldn't put Brooklyn on his back or Marcy on the map. For crying out loud, DAVE NEAL. I love that guy and I am so happy that he is in my Class of 2009 at Maryland. I'm so glad that Greivis is even better than we all thought he was. The man will have his number hanging in the rafters of Comcast some day. Believe me, he will. And during his speech he will thank "Scott" and Gary Williams. If you can find a bigger Gary homer than Greivis I'd be utterly surprised. I just love this team. I am in sheer amazement of it. And unlike Ritchie, I'm not drunk while posting this. Right now I'm counting my blessings that I get to experience this, not only as a student but also as a fan.
Thanks Maryland. Thanks Gary. Thanks Greivis. Thanks Dave. Thanks everyone.
Well, not everyone. Kathy Worthington has never won 9 straight first round games in the Lig.
Bring on Memphis.
Who would have thought a 13-point upset was coming from this team? Sure, they were the popular pick for an upset by most prognosticators. I myself even had this as a win in my bracket. We all "thought" that the Terps could be the Bears because we've seen how good we can be. We've also seen how awful this team can be (see: Morgan State, @Virginia). It wasn't until after the game that I realized just how amazing this win was. It wasn't that it was so startling that it happened. After all, we thought it would. It's just that this is a team that before the season I thought was going to be just awful. We had no big men, at one point we had no recruits, and I thought Greivis couldn't put Brooklyn on his back or Marcy on the map. For crying out loud, DAVE NEAL. I love that guy and I am so happy that he is in my Class of 2009 at Maryland. I'm so glad that Greivis is even better than we all thought he was. The man will have his number hanging in the rafters of Comcast some day. Believe me, he will. And during his speech he will thank "Scott" and Gary Williams. If you can find a bigger Gary homer than Greivis I'd be utterly surprised. I just love this team. I am in sheer amazement of it. And unlike Ritchie, I'm not drunk while posting this. Right now I'm counting my blessings that I get to experience this, not only as a student but also as a fan.
Thanks Maryland. Thanks Gary. Thanks Greivis. Thanks Dave. Thanks everyone.
Well, not everyone. Kathy Worthington has never won 9 straight first round games in the Lig.
Bring on Memphis.
Monday, March 16, 2009
The Terps are Back
Gary Williams is a bad motherfucker. After being left for dead earlier in the season by Kathy Worthington, the Washington Post, the internet message boards, Mumpkins, the scrillas, and various other asundry entities, Coach Gary Williams turned the season around and used every bit of his coaching juices to gain his 13th NCAA Tournament bid as the head coach of the Maryland Terrapins.
It was clinched with the team's third win over a top ten team on the season in Friday's double digit win over Wake Forest in Atlanta in the ACC Tournament. Admittedly, despite nearly knocking off the Deacs a week earlier in College Park, I gave the Terps little chance to win that game. And that's where Coach Gary Williams made me look foolish yet again.
The Terps were staring down a fourth NIT appearance in five seasons just a week ago after their loss at Virginia, but now a few days later the Terps are going back to the Big Dance for the second time in three years. That invitation also guarantees Coach Gary Williams another year at the end of his contract, extending it through the 2013 season. Thank God for that.
But that's not the end of it. Oh no. God has decided to smile on this program for once. Lance Stephenson, a top 5 recruit out of New York City, is strongly considering becoming a Terp next season. Now, everyone that reads this blog already knows him as simply Born Ready. He's already a NYC legend, one who would team with Greivis Vasquez in the backcourt to make next season's edition of the Terps a legitimate Final Four contender.
Born Ready is down to Kansas, Maryland, and the hometown school Saint John's, with the Terps maybe, perhaps holding a slight lead over Kansas with SJU a distant third. If Stephenson were to committ to Maryland in the next few weeks, it would, combined with the recent tournament berth, almost guarantee that Coach Gary Williams' career ends happily. That's the most important thing. Coach Gary Williams has thrown it back in the faces of the haters. Suck on that.
It was clinched with the team's third win over a top ten team on the season in Friday's double digit win over Wake Forest in Atlanta in the ACC Tournament. Admittedly, despite nearly knocking off the Deacs a week earlier in College Park, I gave the Terps little chance to win that game. And that's where Coach Gary Williams made me look foolish yet again.
The Terps were staring down a fourth NIT appearance in five seasons just a week ago after their loss at Virginia, but now a few days later the Terps are going back to the Big Dance for the second time in three years. That invitation also guarantees Coach Gary Williams another year at the end of his contract, extending it through the 2013 season. Thank God for that.
But that's not the end of it. Oh no. God has decided to smile on this program for once. Lance Stephenson, a top 5 recruit out of New York City, is strongly considering becoming a Terp next season. Now, everyone that reads this blog already knows him as simply Born Ready. He's already a NYC legend, one who would team with Greivis Vasquez in the backcourt to make next season's edition of the Terps a legitimate Final Four contender.
Born Ready is down to Kansas, Maryland, and the hometown school Saint John's, with the Terps maybe, perhaps holding a slight lead over Kansas with SJU a distant third. If Stephenson were to committ to Maryland in the next few weeks, it would, combined with the recent tournament berth, almost guarantee that Coach Gary Williams' career ends happily. That's the most important thing. Coach Gary Williams has thrown it back in the faces of the haters. Suck on that.
We're Going to the Lig
We're going to the Lig
We're going to the Lig
Hi-ho the Gary-o
We're going to the Lig
The Terps will beat the Bears
The Terps will beat the Bears
Hi-ho the Gary-o
The Terps will beat the Bears
We're gonna get Born Readjy
We're gonna get Born Readjy
Hi-ho the Gary-o
We're gonna get Born Readjy
The Terps are back for good
The Terps are back for good
Hi-ho the Gary-o
The Terps are back for good
We're going to the Lig
Hi-ho the Gary-o
We're going to the Lig
The Terps will beat the Bears
The Terps will beat the Bears
Hi-ho the Gary-o
The Terps will beat the Bears
We're gonna get Born Readjy
We're gonna get Born Readjy
Hi-ho the Gary-o
We're gonna get Born Readjy
The Terps are back for good
The Terps are back for good
Hi-ho the Gary-o
The Terps are back for good
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
THIS
Note: This was written after Steve's post but posted after him sequentially to make more of a point.
Sorry about your senior night Dave. You still did awesome and I respect you as a Terp
Gary and Greivis
There's been a lot of criticism lately about Gary Williams. I have agreed with a lot of it. At one point, I was even going to write a long post about why this team will never be an elite team until Gary retires.
I may have been right or wrong about that, but one thing is for sure: there is nothing more satisfying than seeing Gary lead the Maryland Terrapins to victory. He's a tough sonofabitch. The criticism is flying from every direction, yet Gary is taking a team with limited talent to the cusp of an NCAA tournament berth. This team could have quit any number of times already, but instead they are playing their best ball of the year as the calendar turns to March.
If this team makes it to the lig, it's a "Fuck You" to the haters signed by Gary Motherfucking Williams. Nothing would make me happier. It's going to happen.
----
Greivis Vasquez.
Greivis Vasquez is an amazing player. Like his coach, he's passionate and takes a lot of criticism in the darker times.
A little over a week ago, I was able to see - live and in person - one of the greatest performances in recent college basketball history when Greivis willed the Terps over #3 UNC at the Comcast Center with a 35/11/10 performance in 44 minutes of an OT win. This was a game where he led all players in minutes, points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks.
Then last night Greivis had 33 of the Terps' 71 points in an 11 point win over NC State, taking over the game in the second half. He capped that performance by taking and hitting an entirely unneccesary unguarded three as time expired and the game was clearly already in the bag.
Greivis was also on his way to a third spectacular game (10/6/5 in 22 minutes against Duke) before the refs nixed that idea and ensured that Duke would come into our house and beat us.
The man is GREAT, and these past few games have cemented his place in Terps' history. I have no idea what to say here except that Greivis' jersey should be in the rafters should he decide to stay for his senior season.
I may have been right or wrong about that, but one thing is for sure: there is nothing more satisfying than seeing Gary lead the Maryland Terrapins to victory. He's a tough sonofabitch. The criticism is flying from every direction, yet Gary is taking a team with limited talent to the cusp of an NCAA tournament berth. This team could have quit any number of times already, but instead they are playing their best ball of the year as the calendar turns to March.
If this team makes it to the lig, it's a "Fuck You" to the haters signed by Gary Motherfucking Williams. Nothing would make me happier. It's going to happen.
----
Greivis Vasquez.
Greivis Vasquez is an amazing player. Like his coach, he's passionate and takes a lot of criticism in the darker times.
A little over a week ago, I was able to see - live and in person - one of the greatest performances in recent college basketball history when Greivis willed the Terps over #3 UNC at the Comcast Center with a 35/11/10 performance in 44 minutes of an OT win. This was a game where he led all players in minutes, points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks.
Then last night Greivis had 33 of the Terps' 71 points in an 11 point win over NC State, taking over the game in the second half. He capped that performance by taking and hitting an entirely unneccesary unguarded three as time expired and the game was clearly already in the bag.
Greivis was also on his way to a third spectacular game (10/6/5 in 22 minutes against Duke) before the refs nixed that idea and ensured that Duke would come into our house and beat us.
The man is GREAT, and these past few games have cemented his place in Terps' history. I have no idea what to say here except that Greivis' jersey should be in the rafters should he decide to stay for his senior season.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
What's G?
I was there when Greivis tied a school record by dropping 15 dimes in the NCST game last year.
I was there when Greivis recorded the first triple double at Maryland in 22 years in an upset of #3 UNC last week.
But tonight, his 33PTS 2REB 5AST effort in a much needed road win at NCST was his sickest performance ever.
Sure, it was over a weaker team than UNC, but with his team sitting on an ever thinning bubble that could burst at any time, the Terps' best player put his team on his back and carried them to another crucial W. The exclamation point, a pointless buzzer beater to give him 33 and push the margin of victory to 11, pissed off Wolfpack fans and had Steve and I jumping off the couch in excitement. How much balls does that take to dribble up the court and take a buzzer beater on the road when you already have the game won? So the question comes up again, "What's G?"
G is HUGE balls. G is enormous balls. G is Greivis-sized balls. Thank you, Greivis, for starting the week off with a bang.
I was there when Greivis recorded the first triple double at Maryland in 22 years in an upset of #3 UNC last week.
But tonight, his 33PTS 2REB 5AST effort in a much needed road win at NCST was his sickest performance ever.
Sure, it was over a weaker team than UNC, but with his team sitting on an ever thinning bubble that could burst at any time, the Terps' best player put his team on his back and carried them to another crucial W. The exclamation point, a pointless buzzer beater to give him 33 and push the margin of victory to 11, pissed off Wolfpack fans and had Steve and I jumping off the couch in excitement. How much balls does that take to dribble up the court and take a buzzer beater on the road when you already have the game won? So the question comes up again, "What's G?"
G is HUGE balls. G is enormous balls. G is Greivis-sized balls. Thank you, Greivis, for starting the week off with a bang.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
I hate being ill-y
There are very few things I dislike more in the world than being sick. I was lucky to have a really good immune system growing up, so much so that I can't remember missing a day of middle school or high school due to sickness. Then again, if your high school was MSJ, you wouldn't want to miss a day either. Anyways, I hate the restless sleep and the fever. I can't stand the constant need to blow my nose, which after a while becomes painful. I hate coughing up gross phlegm (one of my favorite words in the English language because of its spelling).
Friday when I woke up all excited for Moosefest, I struggled to get up and just generally felt horrible. Yet I made the sacrifice, lived up Moosefest to the fullest, and then crashed hard that night. So last night should have been a good time to just stay in and not do much, rest up, and take it easy. But that wasn't in the cards. Another night of light partying at Loyola left me tired and in need of a good night's sleep. But thanks to my cold, I didn't get it, and last night was a perfect example of why I hate illnesses.
After only an hour or two of sleeping on the floor of Colleen's common room, I woke myself up with my coughing and went to make myself a glass of ice water. At this point, the fever kicked in, so I put on both of my hoodies and ran my hands under hot water in the bathroom to warm up a bit. Then my body started to ache, not in the sense of pulling a muscle after a workout, but in the sense of sleeping awkwardly on a shoulder. Now I'm coughing, hot and cold, and achy. Could it get any worse? Of course. The common cold also attacks with a terrible runny nose. The whole restless sleep-coughing-water-fever-thing only happened another 3 times last night. Sweet.
So today after returning back to THIH, I showered, took some medication, and tried to sleep it off. I only got more restless sleep, and now here I am at 2:23AM writing a blog instead of writing a 3-4 page paper that I just remembered is due tomorrow. Hopefully the NyQuil will kick in soon.
Friday when I woke up all excited for Moosefest, I struggled to get up and just generally felt horrible. Yet I made the sacrifice, lived up Moosefest to the fullest, and then crashed hard that night. So last night should have been a good time to just stay in and not do much, rest up, and take it easy. But that wasn't in the cards. Another night of light partying at Loyola left me tired and in need of a good night's sleep. But thanks to my cold, I didn't get it, and last night was a perfect example of why I hate illnesses.
After only an hour or two of sleeping on the floor of Colleen's common room, I woke myself up with my coughing and went to make myself a glass of ice water. At this point, the fever kicked in, so I put on both of my hoodies and ran my hands under hot water in the bathroom to warm up a bit. Then my body started to ache, not in the sense of pulling a muscle after a workout, but in the sense of sleeping awkwardly on a shoulder. Now I'm coughing, hot and cold, and achy. Could it get any worse? Of course. The common cold also attacks with a terrible runny nose. The whole restless sleep-coughing-water-fever-thing only happened another 3 times last night. Sweet.
So today after returning back to THIH, I showered, took some medication, and tried to sleep it off. I only got more restless sleep, and now here I am at 2:23AM writing a blog instead of writing a 3-4 page paper that I just remembered is due tomorrow. Hopefully the NyQuil will kick in soon.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Night Before Moosefest
Twas the night before Moosefest and all through the house,
The Scrillas were sleeping, but not one was on a couch.
Jeff Moosepants was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of Jack and a Big Wheel danced in his head.
THIH had been cleaned both upstairs and down,
Christmas trees and ottoman wheels were no where to be found.
The table was cleared and new plastic cover put in place,
The Scrillas had cleaned all week at a rigorous pace.
Many multiple cases of beer we had loaded into the fridge,
Chicken nuggets were in the freezer, right under the lidj.
Jungle juice was mixed in the cooler and liquor was out, too,
Despite weeks of searching, Turd still can't find his lost shoe.
Playlists were made with both Josh-Rock and rap,
Including Young Jeezy's song about being a star in the trap.
T.I. will tell how he don't dance, and instruct us to swing rags,
Kanye, Weezy, and HOV will join him to discuss their swag.
Pop Evil will sing of going a hundred in a fifty-five,
While Jeff will anxiously hope for Cory and Alex to arrive.
Brownie mixes were bought in hopes they'll be made for kicks,
But what we really want is for Betty to make mozz sticks.
The guest list was edited to keep attendance 100%,
And to a stubborn Loyola girl, even a paper invite was sent.
Jerome Burney will sadly not be present, nor will Da'Rel Scott,
But a different IN with the football team Jeff has got.
For the last 2 weeks we've been in a pattern of holding,
Everyone will be pumped to get the festivities rolling.
Come ready to party, and certainly have a good time,
This is getting really stupid and I'm out of cool rhymes.
So on the night before Moosefest take a little advice from me:
On Saturday, don't plan to wake up anytime before three.
The Scrillas were sleeping, but not one was on a couch.
Jeff Moosepants was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of Jack and a Big Wheel danced in his head.
THIH had been cleaned both upstairs and down,
Christmas trees and ottoman wheels were no where to be found.
The table was cleared and new plastic cover put in place,
The Scrillas had cleaned all week at a rigorous pace.
Many multiple cases of beer we had loaded into the fridge,
Chicken nuggets were in the freezer, right under the lidj.
Jungle juice was mixed in the cooler and liquor was out, too,
Despite weeks of searching, Turd still can't find his lost shoe.
Playlists were made with both Josh-Rock and rap,
Including Young Jeezy's song about being a star in the trap.
T.I. will tell how he don't dance, and instruct us to swing rags,
Kanye, Weezy, and HOV will join him to discuss their swag.
Pop Evil will sing of going a hundred in a fifty-five,
While Jeff will anxiously hope for Cory and Alex to arrive.
Brownie mixes were bought in hopes they'll be made for kicks,
But what we really want is for Betty to make mozz sticks.
The guest list was edited to keep attendance 100%,
And to a stubborn Loyola girl, even a paper invite was sent.
Jerome Burney will sadly not be present, nor will Da'Rel Scott,
But a different IN with the football team Jeff has got.
For the last 2 weeks we've been in a pattern of holding,
Everyone will be pumped to get the festivities rolling.
Come ready to party, and certainly have a good time,
This is getting really stupid and I'm out of cool rhymes.
So on the night before Moosefest take a little advice from me:
On Saturday, don't plan to wake up anytime before three.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
No, I don't want your two cents
Today in ENEE324 Engineering probability, the professor took 10 minutes to carefully set up a situation where a certain equation could be introduced. He was explaining how rolling a biased die 10 times would create a situation where we could calculate the probability that 1 will be rolled 3 times using this equation. After going though this and most people in the class following along, some kid in the second row raises his hand and asks "Can I reiterate just a bit?"
Not "can you please go over it one more time, professor?". No, this kid had the balls to ask if HE, in his great wisdom, could explain to a class of his peers, this complex topic. "Can I reiterate just a bit?"
I think when I first heard him say it, I laughed out loud. I wanted to just raise my hand and say, "No. No you cannot. You aren't being paid to teach the class. Half the people in here know more about this than you. We already understand this and don't want to hear your example."
The professor turned to the kid, who I shall now refer to by the Indian name Thinks He Can Teach (THCT), amd asked him what he didn't understand. Before the professor got done asking however, genius THCT says "It's just like the Wheel of Fortune..."
HOLY SHIT! You raised your hand to stop class to "reiterate" a very complex example that took 10 minutes to explain to add a COMPLETELY off-topic comment that made no sense AT ALL? That takes balls, kid. You wasted everyone's time with that?
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
If the professor wanted to use The Wheel as an example, he would have. Instead, he's now going to have to spend another 10 minutes un-confusing the kid in the first row who thinks he knows what's going on, but has no idea. Next time, don't share with us. Don't "reiterate" anything. We understand just fine. Maybe you should start watching weeknight ABC at 7:30 instead of 7...
Not "can you please go over it one more time, professor?". No, this kid had the balls to ask if HE, in his great wisdom, could explain to a class of his peers, this complex topic. "Can I reiterate just a bit?"
I think when I first heard him say it, I laughed out loud. I wanted to just raise my hand and say, "No. No you cannot. You aren't being paid to teach the class. Half the people in here know more about this than you. We already understand this and don't want to hear your example."
The professor turned to the kid, who I shall now refer to by the Indian name Thinks He Can Teach (THCT), amd asked him what he didn't understand. Before the professor got done asking however, genius THCT says "It's just like the Wheel of Fortune..."
HOLY SHIT! You raised your hand to stop class to "reiterate" a very complex example that took 10 minutes to explain to add a COMPLETELY off-topic comment that made no sense AT ALL? That takes balls, kid. You wasted everyone's time with that?
"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
If the professor wanted to use The Wheel as an example, he would have. Instead, he's now going to have to spend another 10 minutes un-confusing the kid in the first row who thinks he knows what's going on, but has no idea. Next time, don't share with us. Don't "reiterate" anything. We understand just fine. Maybe you should start watching weeknight ABC at 7:30 instead of 7...
James Franklin has been upgraded to baller status
Friday, Maryland Offensive Coordinator James Franklin was named the head coach in waiting for the university's football program. There could not have been better news for this team as it looks towards the future. James Franklin is the best man for the job, hands down. (This is of course a lie, but the is zero chance Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, or Jack Bauer would coach here). But so what if coach Franklin has no head coaching experience. The man has the intangibles it will take to take the football team to the next level. Franklin is already the best recruiter on the staff due to his enthusiasm and general care about his recruits. He is also a top offensive mind, as evidenced by the gaudy numbers k-state put up in two years with him at offensive coordinator. With him at the helm we will be able to retain the top talent in our area and hopefully build a conference powerhouse against the likes of va tech, miami, and florida state. I don't expect this to happen overnight, but like my other idols (Jack Bauer for example) he has the confidence in himself and the energy to lead everyone around him to greatness. 
[Ignore the player he is talking to in the picture. He no longer attends this university, cheated on a pop quiz, and couldn't hit the broadside of the barn with a football. He was the football equivalent of Jay Gibbons circa. his last year with the O's.]
[Ignore the player he is talking to in the picture. He no longer attends this university, cheated on a pop quiz, and couldn't hit the broadside of the barn with a football. He was the football equivalent of Jay Gibbons circa. his last year with the O's.]P.S. The man also genuinely appreciated my congratulations towards his new contract. I've never approached the Fridge as such, most likely due to a fear of being eaten. Coach Franklin instead gave a solid thanks and wished me a great weekend. It's not quite a personalized Gary fist-pump yet, but if thats not baller status then I don't know what is.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Milbourne Supremacy
Steve: "Bob, is there any difference between Landon Milbourne and James Gist?"
Me: "Uhh 2 inches, cornrows, and some arc on the jumpshot."
I was expecting somewhat minimal progress out of Landon this past offseason after seeing little change between his first two seasons. I thought the success of the Terps' 2008-09 season would rely on Gary's ability to adapt to a 4-guard offense and the inability of opponents to take advantage of our lack of depth inside.
That's why I'm not a real analyst. I thought wrong. Simply put, Landon has become a beast. He is the solid second scoring option we have been waiting for. He has developed a killer mid-range jumper which has become an automatic 2 points on the scoreboard. He hustles after every rebound and always fights for position on both sides of the floor. The most encouraging part about his recent performance has been his consistent production in conference play, against some of the best big men in the ACC:
vs GT: 6PTS on 6FGA 9REB (4OREB) 2STL 1BLK
at Miami: 8PTS on 8FGA 7REB (3OREB) 4BLK 1STL
at FSU: 17PTS on 13FGA 9REB (6OREB) 2BLK 1AST 1 STL
vs UVA: 17PTS on 9FGA 5REB (1OREB) 1STL
at Duke: 19PTS on 16FGA 5REB (2OREB) 2AST 2STL 1BLK
vs BC: 14PTS on 13FGA 7REB (6OREB) 1STL
vs Miami: 17PTS on 13FGA 6REB (3OREB) 2AST
Other than the active string of 5 consecutive double-digit scoring games, take note of Landon's efficient shot selection (averaging at least 1PT per FGA in every game), defensive hustle stats (blocks and steals), and attacking the offensive glass (averaging 3.57 OREB per game).
Lately Terps basketball has been very inconsistent to say the least. 41 point losses, disappearing double-digit second half leads, and squabbles between our head coach and the AD make me wonder what I'm going to be treated to everytime I go to Comcast or turn on the TV for a road game. I DO know, however, that everytime out, I'll be treated to Bowie and his sick finishes at the basket, Mosely out-rebounding forwards, Dino swatting balls into the fifth row, Greivis trying for a triple-double. and Landon putting on for his city. #1 has arrived.
Me: "Uhh 2 inches, cornrows, and some arc on the jumpshot."
I was expecting somewhat minimal progress out of Landon this past offseason after seeing little change between his first two seasons. I thought the success of the Terps' 2008-09 season would rely on Gary's ability to adapt to a 4-guard offense and the inability of opponents to take advantage of our lack of depth inside.
That's why I'm not a real analyst. I thought wrong. Simply put, Landon has become a beast. He is the solid second scoring option we have been waiting for. He has developed a killer mid-range jumper which has become an automatic 2 points on the scoreboard. He hustles after every rebound and always fights for position on both sides of the floor. The most encouraging part about his recent performance has been his consistent production in conference play, against some of the best big men in the ACC:
vs GT: 6PTS on 6FGA 9REB (4OREB) 2STL 1BLK
at Miami: 8PTS on 8FGA 7REB (3OREB) 4BLK 1STL
at FSU: 17PTS on 13FGA 9REB (6OREB) 2BLK 1AST 1 STL
vs UVA: 17PTS on 9FGA 5REB (1OREB) 1STL
at Duke: 19PTS on 16FGA 5REB (2OREB) 2AST 2STL 1BLK
vs BC: 14PTS on 13FGA 7REB (6OREB) 1STL
vs Miami: 17PTS on 13FGA 6REB (3OREB) 2AST
Other than the active string of 5 consecutive double-digit scoring games, take note of Landon's efficient shot selection (averaging at least 1PT per FGA in every game), defensive hustle stats (blocks and steals), and attacking the offensive glass (averaging 3.57 OREB per game).
Lately Terps basketball has been very inconsistent to say the least. 41 point losses, disappearing double-digit second half leads, and squabbles between our head coach and the AD make me wonder what I'm going to be treated to everytime I go to Comcast or turn on the TV for a road game. I DO know, however, that everytime out, I'll be treated to Bowie and his sick finishes at the basket, Mosely out-rebounding forwards, Dino swatting balls into the fifth row, Greivis trying for a triple-double. and Landon putting on for his city. #1 has arrived.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Gary Williams Going Down Swinging
LOL
Gary F Williams, baller status first class, is waging a public fight with his athletic department. Read that article for the whole context (hint: recruiting). I'm going to post soon enough about the end of the Gary era and how bad things have become, but this is one of those times when Gary Williams' reminds me why he's my favorite sports figure of all-time (yes, I said it), present situation notwithstanding.
Williams also said: "Kathy Worthington doesn't speak for me. She has never won a national championship, she has never done anything. She's an associate AD. This is just giving you guys stuff to make me look bad."
Gary F Williams, baller status first class, is waging a public fight with his athletic department. Read that article for the whole context (hint: recruiting). I'm going to post soon enough about the end of the Gary era and how bad things have become, but this is one of those times when Gary Williams' reminds me why he's my favorite sports figure of all-time (yes, I said it), present situation notwithstanding.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Father Figures
I like sitcoms. I like the fun antics and shenanigans. But even better than that are the role models and guides who bring these shenanigan-doers back on course. I'm talking, of course, about father figures. Some may call them TV Dads, but not every one of them is a dad. But they are all sage older men who help and really round out the show. Without these characters, I don't know if any of the shows they were in would have been as good. Without these characters, we may never have had TGIF. If they were to make a pantheon of father figures from tv sitcoms, the following men would be in it:
George Feeny
Williams Daniels already had an excellent career in television before Boy Meets World came on the air. He had a good tenure on the show St. Elsewhere and even won two Emmys for his role on that show. Oh, and also, by they way, he was KITT. He was the voice of the greatest car ever not named the Batmobile. How do you go up from two Emmys and being the most badass vehicle ever created? I'll tell you how. You play Mr. George Feeny. He may have been the greatest mentor ever seen on television. He guided Cory and Shawn from childhood through adulthood. He had as much to do with the Boy meeting the World as Alan or Amy. And he is probably the most versatile teacher ever. Who else can teach 6th grade, be principle of a major Philadelphia-area high school, and also be an academic lecturer at the college level? I'll tell you who. George. F. Feeny. If ever I have a neighbor/teacher/man I want to teach me how to live, I want him to be just like Mr. Feeny.
The Full House Triumvirate
Danny Tanner, Jesse Katsopolis, and Joey Gladstone, portrayed by Bob Saget, The Stamos, and Dave Coulier, respectively. Essentially they were one super dad. The whole premise of the show, even, was that Danny Tanner asked these two other men to help him raise his kids. And raise them they did. All of them certainly had the loving and caring parts down. How could they not it was freakin Full House. If the show didn't end in a hug they fired the writers, hired new ones and found an ending that did involve the crowd going "awwwwwww." What's great about this father figure is how stereotypical and easily characterizable these men were. Danny was the cleaning, timid, stay at home, hey-it's-the-90s-reverse-gender-roles dad. Joey was the joking around sports loving dad. (Before you complain, I know, hockey isn't a sport.) Jesse was the cool rocking dad. All three had their parts to play in raising the children. Of course, they wound up raising a meth addict and the girl who killed the joker. So really, they didn't do that good of a job.
Uncle Phil
James Avery may have been the best foil to Will Smith's Will Smith. He represented almost every thing that Will wasn't He had money, he had position, he had power, he had grace. He was educated and knew the ins and outs of high society. That is why it only made it funnier when Will upset some part of Uncle Phil's life. Their completely contrasting styles led to some fun hi-jinks that provided all of us with laughs. This is also the only show that didn't air on TGIF. (Mondays on NBC after Blossom. I didn't even have to look that up.) That's how good this show was. And it was not Will Smith who made this show great. It wasn't even just Carlton. Though Carlton is a pretty epic sidekick character. Whenever you heard Uncle Phil bellow "WILLL" and there was an outside shot of the house, you knew good times were about to be had. Despite looking severely overweight, he was in remarkably great physical shape as noted by his constant heaving of Jazz out of the house. Plus, he has mad bank and the worst butler ever.
Zordon
Because who else was leading the Power Rangers? Alpha-5? Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi think not.
Carl Winslow
Carl Winslow aka Big Guy aka Officer Winslow aka the role Reginald VelJohnson was born to play. Seriously, has he ever not played a fat cop? No. It's like hollywood saw him in Die Hard and he was immediatly typecast as a doughnut eatting officer of the peace. Carl, along with his doppelganger Uncle Phil, is the reason this post was even invented. Family Matters is a seminal and landmark television program on TGIF due in no small part to the work of Carl Winslow. He plays the typical sitcom husband perfectly to his counterpart Harriet. He acts like a man then is quickly hen-pecked back in to place. He plays the loving, caring concerned parent to Laura, Eddie, and the forgotten daughter Judy. (To a lesser extent also Ritchie [he's coming!] and 3J, but they're rather ancillary.) The real magic of Carl Winslow was how he played the straight man to Urkel. Sure, he was a father figure to him and though my show history is fuzzy and my laziness won't allow me to look it up, I'm pretty sure he adopted Steve. That or they time travelled to a pirate ship in 3-D. I can never be sure on these things. God bless Carl Winslow, and God Bless America.
George Feeny
Williams Daniels already had an excellent career in television before Boy Meets World came on the air. He had a good tenure on the show St. Elsewhere and even won two Emmys for his role on that show. Oh, and also, by they way, he was KITT. He was the voice of the greatest car ever not named the Batmobile. How do you go up from two Emmys and being the most badass vehicle ever created? I'll tell you how. You play Mr. George Feeny. He may have been the greatest mentor ever seen on television. He guided Cory and Shawn from childhood through adulthood. He had as much to do with the Boy meeting the World as Alan or Amy. And he is probably the most versatile teacher ever. Who else can teach 6th grade, be principle of a major Philadelphia-area high school, and also be an academic lecturer at the college level? I'll tell you who. George. F. Feeny. If ever I have a neighbor/teacher/man I want to teach me how to live, I want him to be just like Mr. Feeny.
The Full House Triumvirate
Danny Tanner, Jesse Katsopolis, and Joey Gladstone, portrayed by Bob Saget, The Stamos, and Dave Coulier, respectively. Essentially they were one super dad. The whole premise of the show, even, was that Danny Tanner asked these two other men to help him raise his kids. And raise them they did. All of them certainly had the loving and caring parts down. How could they not it was freakin Full House. If the show didn't end in a hug they fired the writers, hired new ones and found an ending that did involve the crowd going "awwwwwww." What's great about this father figure is how stereotypical and easily characterizable these men were. Danny was the cleaning, timid, stay at home, hey-it's-the-90s-reverse-gender-roles dad. Joey was the joking around sports loving dad. (Before you complain, I know, hockey isn't a sport.) Jesse was the cool rocking dad. All three had their parts to play in raising the children. Of course, they wound up raising a meth addict and the girl who killed the joker. So really, they didn't do that good of a job.
Uncle Phil
James Avery may have been the best foil to Will Smith's Will Smith. He represented almost every thing that Will wasn't He had money, he had position, he had power, he had grace. He was educated and knew the ins and outs of high society. That is why it only made it funnier when Will upset some part of Uncle Phil's life. Their completely contrasting styles led to some fun hi-jinks that provided all of us with laughs. This is also the only show that didn't air on TGIF. (Mondays on NBC after Blossom. I didn't even have to look that up.) That's how good this show was. And it was not Will Smith who made this show great. It wasn't even just Carlton. Though Carlton is a pretty epic sidekick character. Whenever you heard Uncle Phil bellow "WILLL" and there was an outside shot of the house, you knew good times were about to be had. Despite looking severely overweight, he was in remarkably great physical shape as noted by his constant heaving of Jazz out of the house. Plus, he has mad bank and the worst butler ever.
Zordon
Because who else was leading the Power Rangers? Alpha-5? Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi think not.
Carl Winslow
Carl Winslow aka Big Guy aka Officer Winslow aka the role Reginald VelJohnson was born to play. Seriously, has he ever not played a fat cop? No. It's like hollywood saw him in Die Hard and he was immediatly typecast as a doughnut eatting officer of the peace. Carl, along with his doppelganger Uncle Phil, is the reason this post was even invented. Family Matters is a seminal and landmark television program on TGIF due in no small part to the work of Carl Winslow. He plays the typical sitcom husband perfectly to his counterpart Harriet. He acts like a man then is quickly hen-pecked back in to place. He plays the loving, caring concerned parent to Laura, Eddie, and the forgotten daughter Judy. (To a lesser extent also Ritchie [he's coming!] and 3J, but they're rather ancillary.) The real magic of Carl Winslow was how he played the straight man to Urkel. Sure, he was a father figure to him and though my show history is fuzzy and my laziness won't allow me to look it up, I'm pretty sure he adopted Steve. That or they time travelled to a pirate ship in 3-D. I can never be sure on these things. God bless Carl Winslow, and God Bless America.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
If Nick Markakis Ever Moved Back to the Old Country
This is what he'd look like:
Who doesn't love the Greek/Jewfro?
In other news, congrats on the O's for actually doing something right and signing him long-term.
Who doesn't love the Greek/Jewfro?
In other news, congrats on the O's for actually doing something right and signing him long-term.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
These Pretzels are Makin' me Thirsty!
The word "pantheon" is thrown around a lot these days. People (me) use it for almost anything to describe lists of great things (or possibly bad things). I'm not one to lightly toss around words (I am), so I will refrain from using such verbiage. But I must tell of a group of finely selected salted snacks that will sate any appetite. I am, of course, talking about pretzels. They may very well be the best salted snack invented. The are almost certainly one of the oldest. The granddaddy of them all is still the king, but in today's competitive market, it can be hard to know which pretzel is for you. So I'll tell you, in convenient to digest list format. Also, in case you're wondering, and I know you are, I don't list specialty flavors like honey twist or garlic and sour cream. Why? Because these are pretzels, not chips. They don't need flavor enhancements like those pansy fried potatoes do.
Firstly, all of these pretzels are made by Snyders of Hanover. They sell their ever delicious pretzels in the awesome packaging sizes individual snack size, probably some others, and POUNDER. Why do I love the pounder? Because it tells you what you're getting right there on the back. You're getting a pound of baked, salted, sour-doughed goodness. Nothing could be better. If you can't get Snyders, I'm sorry for you. If you can get Snyders and you instead choose Utz , Herrs, or heaven forbid Rold Gold, I feel sorry for your friends. They have to live with an idiot.
You may be asking yourself right now, where is the pretzel list? When are we going to get the pretzel list, and so on and so forth. Here it is.
8. Olde Tyme Pretzels
These are easily the worst of all the pretzels. Seriously. They can't even spell "time" right. It's obviously an attempt to confuse people in to thinking these pretzels are actually good. In fact, they are not. There's probably a reason why these are old time and they got a new recipe. These are awful. If you needed to soak up some liquid, these pretzels could easily substitute for sawdust. They barely even taste like pretzels. They taste like hardened bread with salt. Move on and hope some other sucker buys these.
7. Thins
Thought these were the worst pretzels out there until I started researching and found Olde Tyme. These pretzels taste more like salt than pretzel. That's because they're so thin that all they are is a small tube of pretzel on them with a metric ass-load of salt on them. And they don't even fill you up. They just sit in a bowl on the table taunting you until you eat them, and then you realize that you're just eating a vehicle for salt, and you get extremely thirsty. I'm pretty sure Coke or Pepsi is behind the proliferation of this style of pretzel. Why else would Snyders even think of making these? This is all Rold Gold has, and Rold Gold is awful. Take the hint guys and just stop.
6.Mini Pretzels
Here's the thing. Mini pretzels are good, but they're not good. I mean, they have all the great attributes of pretzels. Salty, crunchy, tasty, etc. Unfortunately for them, they're mini. So you get some good pretzel actions, you just don't get enough. And then you reach for more and more and before you know it you've crushed half a bag. And therein lies the problem. Other small pretzel styles have fun shapes that are neat to play with. These are just pretzels that are small. Nothing really special about them, and you can do much better.
5. Rods
We're now getting into the territory of shaped pretzels. Shaped pretzels bring a whole new dimension into the pretzel game. As such, they rank higher on the list. Something about non-traditional pretzels makes them better. Maybe it's some sort of chemical reaction or something. Maybe it's a psychological thing. I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. These are better than the one's before it, not as good as the ones after it. Also, they're really good if you dip them in chocolate. But that breaks the rules of the list, so I'll keep going.
4. Sticks
Sticks may have been my favorite type of pretzel growing up. Why? Because they're em-effing sticks, that's why. I could pretend to be a cool kid and look like I was smoking when really it was just a pretzel stick. True, that's lame. but also true, you suck for judging me. Sticks also just taste good for some reason. I don't know why. They took the thin part of the thins except made it excellent. And let's be honest here, who hasn't broken sticks in half just because it was fun to do/a stress reliever/to build tiny lincoln log houses? And if you could fit a whole one in your mouth sideways without it breaking, you were king. Eat pretzel sticks and tell me that they aren't fun. You can't. You just can't
3. Hard Pretzels
This is what a pretzel is meant to be. It's big and beefy and chock-full-o-flavor. Eating a few hard pretzels is like eating a meal. No lie, I've actually eaten a few meals on the go that were just hard pretzels and a drink. This is a man's pretzel. The best part about hard pretzels is the twisty part in the middle. It usually has just a bit more salt on it and has plenty of hard-baked dough to munch on. Like a fine wine or a good draught beer, these pretzels are meant to be savored. If it wasn't for the amount of time it takes to eat just one these would be higher on the list.
2. Snaps
Snaps are new players on the block. But that didn't stop them from jumping up to the top. (Actually, these things may have been around forever, I'm just new to them. Details.) Here's why snaps are good. They have the good flavor of the sticks, but they have more pretzel in a smaller volume. Every bite of snaps brings with it some delicious pretzel goodness. And also, if you're OCD like me, you can eat out certain squares to try to make new designs. Snaps are also good because you can easily grab a handful and just pop them while watching tv or studying or whatever it is that kids do these days.
1. Nibblers
Nibbler are by far the best pounder variety of pretzels. In fact, if you ask someone for a pounder, you will get a bag of nibblers. It is the only pretzel that can be asked for not by name. Nibblers provide the substance of the hard pretzel with the popability (I made that word up) of the snaps. They may very well be the crack of the pretzel world. Once you start eating a few, you just can't stop.
So what have we learned here today children? Nothing really. Just don't ever buy olde tyme pretzels, they are awful. Nibblers are delicious. Sticks are fun to play with. Andrew has too much time on his hands. Though not so much that he can't blog more often. So the next time you're out at Giant or what have you and looking for salted snacks, meander on over to the pretzel aisle and pick up a pounder.
Firstly, all of these pretzels are made by Snyders of Hanover. They sell their ever delicious pretzels in the awesome packaging sizes individual snack size, probably some others, and POUNDER. Why do I love the pounder? Because it tells you what you're getting right there on the back. You're getting a pound of baked, salted, sour-doughed goodness. Nothing could be better. If you can't get Snyders, I'm sorry for you. If you can get Snyders and you instead choose Utz , Herrs, or heaven forbid Rold Gold, I feel sorry for your friends. They have to live with an idiot.
You may be asking yourself right now, where is the pretzel list? When are we going to get the pretzel list, and so on and so forth. Here it is.
8. Olde Tyme Pretzels
These are easily the worst of all the pretzels. Seriously. They can't even spell "time" right. It's obviously an attempt to confuse people in to thinking these pretzels are actually good. In fact, they are not. There's probably a reason why these are old time and they got a new recipe. These are awful. If you needed to soak up some liquid, these pretzels could easily substitute for sawdust. They barely even taste like pretzels. They taste like hardened bread with salt. Move on and hope some other sucker buys these.
7. Thins
Thought these were the worst pretzels out there until I started researching and found Olde Tyme. These pretzels taste more like salt than pretzel. That's because they're so thin that all they are is a small tube of pretzel on them with a metric ass-load of salt on them. And they don't even fill you up. They just sit in a bowl on the table taunting you until you eat them, and then you realize that you're just eating a vehicle for salt, and you get extremely thirsty. I'm pretty sure Coke or Pepsi is behind the proliferation of this style of pretzel. Why else would Snyders even think of making these? This is all Rold Gold has, and Rold Gold is awful. Take the hint guys and just stop.
6.Mini Pretzels
Here's the thing. Mini pretzels are good, but they're not good. I mean, they have all the great attributes of pretzels. Salty, crunchy, tasty, etc. Unfortunately for them, they're mini. So you get some good pretzel actions, you just don't get enough. And then you reach for more and more and before you know it you've crushed half a bag. And therein lies the problem. Other small pretzel styles have fun shapes that are neat to play with. These are just pretzels that are small. Nothing really special about them, and you can do much better.
5. Rods
We're now getting into the territory of shaped pretzels. Shaped pretzels bring a whole new dimension into the pretzel game. As such, they rank higher on the list. Something about non-traditional pretzels makes them better. Maybe it's some sort of chemical reaction or something. Maybe it's a psychological thing. I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. These are better than the one's before it, not as good as the ones after it. Also, they're really good if you dip them in chocolate. But that breaks the rules of the list, so I'll keep going.
4. Sticks
Sticks may have been my favorite type of pretzel growing up. Why? Because they're em-effing sticks, that's why. I could pretend to be a cool kid and look like I was smoking when really it was just a pretzel stick. True, that's lame. but also true, you suck for judging me. Sticks also just taste good for some reason. I don't know why. They took the thin part of the thins except made it excellent. And let's be honest here, who hasn't broken sticks in half just because it was fun to do/a stress reliever/to build tiny lincoln log houses? And if you could fit a whole one in your mouth sideways without it breaking, you were king. Eat pretzel sticks and tell me that they aren't fun. You can't. You just can't
3. Hard Pretzels
This is what a pretzel is meant to be. It's big and beefy and chock-full-o-flavor. Eating a few hard pretzels is like eating a meal. No lie, I've actually eaten a few meals on the go that were just hard pretzels and a drink. This is a man's pretzel. The best part about hard pretzels is the twisty part in the middle. It usually has just a bit more salt on it and has plenty of hard-baked dough to munch on. Like a fine wine or a good draught beer, these pretzels are meant to be savored. If it wasn't for the amount of time it takes to eat just one these would be higher on the list.
2. Snaps
Snaps are new players on the block. But that didn't stop them from jumping up to the top. (Actually, these things may have been around forever, I'm just new to them. Details.) Here's why snaps are good. They have the good flavor of the sticks, but they have more pretzel in a smaller volume. Every bite of snaps brings with it some delicious pretzel goodness. And also, if you're OCD like me, you can eat out certain squares to try to make new designs. Snaps are also good because you can easily grab a handful and just pop them while watching tv or studying or whatever it is that kids do these days.
1. Nibblers
Nibbler are by far the best pounder variety of pretzels. In fact, if you ask someone for a pounder, you will get a bag of nibblers. It is the only pretzel that can be asked for not by name. Nibblers provide the substance of the hard pretzel with the popability (I made that word up) of the snaps. They may very well be the crack of the pretzel world. Once you start eating a few, you just can't stop.So what have we learned here today children? Nothing really. Just don't ever buy olde tyme pretzels, they are awful. Nibblers are delicious. Sticks are fun to play with. Andrew has too much time on his hands. Though not so much that he can't blog more often. So the next time you're out at Giant or what have you and looking for salted snacks, meander on over to the pretzel aisle and pick up a pounder.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Dear Gary
You owe me monies in the amount of $(whatever it costs to fix this). I accept only straight cash, homie. Thank you for your concern in this matter.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Frank Haith pwns Gary
So it's come to this - Gary losing yet again to a man who wears no jacket, no tie, and has a visible wife beater on under his white dress shirt. Say it ain't so. I guess it's no worse than losing to Todd Bozeman, who literally looked like a homeless man dressed in whatever was available right before game time. Why dress apparel is relevant, I have no idea, but do you think I'm actually going to post about the game??
But at least Adrian Bowie brought Sexy Back.
But at least Adrian Bowie brought Sexy Back.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
More Coach Replacements
It has been a very inconsistent several years to be a Maryland Terrapins basketball fan, to say the least. The team has failed to make the NCAA tournament in three of the past four seasons, despite having a team capable of making it in the ACC's current weakened position. There have really only been two consistently dominant ACC teams (who shall not be named), Duke and UNC (its probably a good idea to stop reading the parentheses while you still can), while the rest of the conference has been left in mediocrity (though mediocrity in the ACC is still better than the best the Big 10 has to offer), struggling to get into the tournament on a consistent basis (Is there a super run-on after a normal run-on sentence has gone too far?). In this fluctuating conference the Terps only managed one tournament appearance. The line-up has gone through some rather radical changes during this time, but only once did it prove to be good enough for a tournament bid. The only constant through all of this has been Gary. The two single biggest issues with Gary seem to be his inability or lack of care towards recruiting and the inability to get the team to play consistent basketball (which is the problem with almost any team here at the university). With those two issues in mind my colleague wrote of how one Jack Bauer would be a soultion to these problems. However, seeing as he is currently tied up in a national crisis at the moment (a one day crisis that lasts over four months; how is that even possible?), here is a list of several other coaching candidates.
Jay-Z : The man from the murder capital would be a great fit right outside our nation's capital. After all, any man who can put Brooklyn on his back could surely carry this floundering team back to the promised land. Recruiting obviously wouldn't be a problem (this is the HOV (A) we are talking about) as he already has many connections in the basketball world (LeBron still has four years of eligibility, right?). And, under the hypnotic spell of HOVA's magnificent lyrics there is no chance the team would ever fail to play up their potential on any given night. If they did Jay-Z would no longer just murder for capital, he'd murder for respect (though more likely, as just as scary scenario would be to force the team to play for the Nets...eww). Another plus, would be the addition of Beyonce to sing the national anthem at every home game a huge upgrade over the guy who sings at half the games.
James Bond - See Jack Bauer, but add women, gadgets, and cars. Don't know how those would make for a better basketball team, but a license to kill would have to help in some way I haven't quite figured out...yet.
Barack Obama - So I may not agree with the man's political views, but he does have the power to inspire people, even Oprah. The man has promised change to the country, which is something this program needs after this stagnant run. Logistically he will live less than ten miles away. And with a police escort carving its way through DC traffic to each game it should only be a twenty or so minute commute. The President's helicopter is another valid choice for transportation. Or that alien technology we saw in Independence Day. That technology is ten years old now, that spaceship should be able to teleport by now. Anyway, the point is that the school is too close for him to not take on the job. Just don't let his brother-in-law be involved with team in any way, shape, or form (because let's face it, he hasn't done that great of a job with Oregon State, to say that the suck would be an understatement).
Tim Tebow - [Insert Tim Tebowism here, but only ones that weren't already Chuck Norris-isms or Jack Bauerisms]
Emperor Palpatine/Lord Voldemort - I enjoy being hated by the rest of the country for being a team full of badasses that will beat your team into pulp (see the Baltimore Ravens). I have grouped these two together because they would accomplish this by similar means. Both have means of mind control (through either the Force or Occulmency) which would prove invaluable in recruiting and getting bogus calls on the court overturned (the second of which would even out the distinct advantage Duke already has). Once you get past the fact that Voldemort is pretty much Hitler, his minions look like the Klu-Klux Klan, and Stormtroopers derive their name from the Nazi SS we can finally have a winning team again (though we should probably find a coach not deranged on ethnic cleansing, but solely on the success of our team).
These are just a few options for our basketball team, but why stop there. Our football team is as up and down as the basketball team (Fridge also sucks at recruiting as much as Gary does right now) and our AD holds the balls of the entire athletic department. Imagine if Jack Bauer ran not just the basketball and football teams, but the entire athletic department as well. And don't say its not possible, the man doesn't eat, sleep, or poop. There wouldn't be a second of wasted time.
It's just too bad that we'll probably get into the tournament somehow this year, only to limp along in mediocrity for another five years. All good things must come to an end. And as much as I love and respect Gary, his time may be coming very soon. The Fridge's time on the other hand was three years ago when he decided we didn't need a qb to run the offense or a defensive line that can play defense. Gary, I want you to be the coach of Maryland for eternity, but you're making it really hard for it to be so. Please learn how to recruit again. Because one day Jack Bauer will have killed every terrorist on the entire planet and then some, and will having nothing better to do than threaten and torture ACC opponents.
Jay-Z : The man from the murder capital would be a great fit right outside our nation's capital. After all, any man who can put Brooklyn on his back could surely carry this floundering team back to the promised land. Recruiting obviously wouldn't be a problem (this is the HOV (A) we are talking about) as he already has many connections in the basketball world (LeBron still has four years of eligibility, right?). And, under the hypnotic spell of HOVA's magnificent lyrics there is no chance the team would ever fail to play up their potential on any given night. If they did Jay-Z would no longer just murder for capital, he'd murder for respect (though more likely, as just as scary scenario would be to force the team to play for the Nets...eww). Another plus, would be the addition of Beyonce to sing the national anthem at every home game a huge upgrade over the guy who sings at half the games.
James Bond - See Jack Bauer, but add women, gadgets, and cars. Don't know how those would make for a better basketball team, but a license to kill would have to help in some way I haven't quite figured out...yet.
Barack Obama - So I may not agree with the man's political views, but he does have the power to inspire people, even Oprah. The man has promised change to the country, which is something this program needs after this stagnant run. Logistically he will live less than ten miles away. And with a police escort carving its way through DC traffic to each game it should only be a twenty or so minute commute. The President's helicopter is another valid choice for transportation. Or that alien technology we saw in Independence Day. That technology is ten years old now, that spaceship should be able to teleport by now. Anyway, the point is that the school is too close for him to not take on the job. Just don't let his brother-in-law be involved with team in any way, shape, or form (because let's face it, he hasn't done that great of a job with Oregon State, to say that the suck would be an understatement).
Tim Tebow - [Insert Tim Tebowism here, but only ones that weren't already Chuck Norris-isms or Jack Bauerisms]
Emperor Palpatine/Lord Voldemort - I enjoy being hated by the rest of the country for being a team full of badasses that will beat your team into pulp (see the Baltimore Ravens). I have grouped these two together because they would accomplish this by similar means. Both have means of mind control (through either the Force or Occulmency) which would prove invaluable in recruiting and getting bogus calls on the court overturned (the second of which would even out the distinct advantage Duke already has). Once you get past the fact that Voldemort is pretty much Hitler, his minions look like the Klu-Klux Klan, and Stormtroopers derive their name from the Nazi SS we can finally have a winning team again (though we should probably find a coach not deranged on ethnic cleansing, but solely on the success of our team).
These are just a few options for our basketball team, but why stop there. Our football team is as up and down as the basketball team (Fridge also sucks at recruiting as much as Gary does right now) and our AD holds the balls of the entire athletic department. Imagine if Jack Bauer ran not just the basketball and football teams, but the entire athletic department as well. And don't say its not possible, the man doesn't eat, sleep, or poop. There wouldn't be a second of wasted time.
It's just too bad that we'll probably get into the tournament somehow this year, only to limp along in mediocrity for another five years. All good things must come to an end. And as much as I love and respect Gary, his time may be coming very soon. The Fridge's time on the other hand was three years ago when he decided we didn't need a qb to run the offense or a defensive line that can play defense. Gary, I want you to be the coach of Maryland for eternity, but you're making it really hard for it to be so. Please learn how to recruit again. Because one day Jack Bauer will have killed every terrorist on the entire planet and then some, and will having nothing better to do than threaten and torture ACC opponents.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Jack Bauer should coach the Terps.
Seriously.
A head coach isn't just a coach, but he's also a General. And the job of a general is to by God get things done. Is there anyone, alive or dead, real or fictional, that has more expertise in the area of getting things done than Jack F Bauer (please say the motherfucking)?
Jack has extensive experience in the area of making hardened terrorists cry like babies while divulging every secret they know within a matter of minutes. That sounds like a guy who can easily handle 16 year old kids and make them want to play for the Terps, no?
Imagine if "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR" and "WHERE IS THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL" became "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME THE VERBAL COMMITMENT" and "CALL OFF THE TRAVELING VIOLATION".
If you think that Gary's sideline demeanor towards the refs is belligerent, you ain't seen nothing yet. Not a chance that Jamie Lucky screws us out of the Boston College game last year by fouling Greivis out if he knows that our coach would have literally chewed his neck up and spit it out ala Dracula.
You might ask whether or not Jack has any experience with basketball and whether he could handle the areas of coaching aside from recruiting or berating refs. Unfortunately, given that Jack seems not to have the time to even poop or eat, we have to assume that he hasn't had time to learn the finer points of basketball. That being said, the fear he would instill into his players would be more than enough to ensure that they execute better than the 2008 Celtics.
In conclusion, Gary cannot recruit or beat Morgan State anymore, so therefore I posit that hiring a fictional TV show character would be a preferable course of action.
A head coach isn't just a coach, but he's also a General. And the job of a general is to by God get things done. Is there anyone, alive or dead, real or fictional, that has more expertise in the area of getting things done than Jack F Bauer (please say the motherfucking)?
Jack has extensive experience in the area of making hardened terrorists cry like babies while divulging every secret they know within a matter of minutes. That sounds like a guy who can easily handle 16 year old kids and make them want to play for the Terps, no?
Imagine if "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR" and "WHERE IS THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL" became "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME THE VERBAL COMMITMENT" and "CALL OFF THE TRAVELING VIOLATION".
If you think that Gary's sideline demeanor towards the refs is belligerent, you ain't seen nothing yet. Not a chance that Jamie Lucky screws us out of the Boston College game last year by fouling Greivis out if he knows that our coach would have literally chewed his neck up and spit it out ala Dracula.
You might ask whether or not Jack has any experience with basketball and whether he could handle the areas of coaching aside from recruiting or berating refs. Unfortunately, given that Jack seems not to have the time to even poop or eat, we have to assume that he hasn't had time to learn the finer points of basketball. That being said, the fear he would instill into his players would be more than enough to ensure that they execute better than the 2008 Celtics.
In conclusion, Gary cannot recruit or beat Morgan State anymore, so therefore I posit that hiring a fictional TV show character would be a preferable course of action.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
A problem.
Growing up, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were the way to go. They were gold to me, the pinnacle of every school day lunch. Something about the smooth comforting taste and texture of the peanut butter so intimately joined with the sweet fruit jelly made my tastebuds excited with every bite.
Sometimes, my Power Rangers lunchbox would end up buried under my math and reading books that were shoved willy-nilly in my backpack. They would smoosh the two adjacent pieces of white bread together, molding the two inner ingredients into one. That was the best. It formed a kind of pancake patty sandwich, thin and delicious.
Back then, the ratio of peanut butter to jelly always had to be high. Peanut butter was always far superior, and I would regularly let my dear sweet mother know this.
I would inform her weekly of her PB&J making performance, what she could improve and also praise her when things were just right. And she would always inform me that each one was made with her special ingredient, love. I told her that I could taste the love that she put in there, and that would make her smile.
What I'm writing about, however, is to discuss a turning point in my PB&J life, because I have recently had a poor peanut butter experience. No, I have not acquired an allergy against it or eaten from some expired jar. What I did, though, was settle for buying the store brand peanut butter to save money versus buying one of the known good brands (JIF, Skippy, and Peter Pan).
There are some products where you can save money by simply purchasing the generic store brand (ibuprofen, napkins, and pasta, to name a few), so I mistakenly thought it would be the same for peanut butter. But, in this assumption, I was wrong. I bought Giant brand, saved maybe a buck, and have kicked myself ever since. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Its texture is grainy and unappetizing, its taste lackluster and gross.
Because of this unfortunate error, I have recently reconsidered jelly's role in a good PB&J. Jelly is not to be ignored. It makes peanut butter shine. You can't have one without the other, in my opinion.
I may even go so far as to say jelly is the better component. Maybe it is the 20-year-old me speaking up or some bitter hesitation carrying over from my recent poor peanut butter purchase decision (say that five times fast), but I think I like jelly more. Plus, you have so many more options with jelly. You can have classic grape, strawberry, raspberry, blackberry, boysenberry, and more (basically anything ending in "berry"), and if you want to get wild, you can move away from the jelly and experiment with jam, spread, or preserves, coming from a jar, tub, or the hip new squeeze bottle.
I went grocery shopping tonight to restock my apartment and decided to forget about the old Giant peanut butter and lay down the appropriate funds to buy Skippy creamy brand. I'm not looking back.
But, now I am left with a jar of Giant peanut butter, about 80% full, that I will probable not eat. But, out of some misplaced sense of not wanting to waste it, I don't have the heart to throw it away. Afterall, there are starving kids in China. What to do...what to do?
Sometimes, my Power Rangers lunchbox would end up buried under my math and reading books that were shoved willy-nilly in my backpack. They would smoosh the two adjacent pieces of white bread together, molding the two inner ingredients into one. That was the best. It formed a kind of pancake patty sandwich, thin and delicious.
Back then, the ratio of peanut butter to jelly always had to be high. Peanut butter was always far superior, and I would regularly let my dear sweet mother know this.
I would inform her weekly of her PB&J making performance, what she could improve and also praise her when things were just right. And she would always inform me that each one was made with her special ingredient, love. I told her that I could taste the love that she put in there, and that would make her smile.
What I'm writing about, however, is to discuss a turning point in my PB&J life, because I have recently had a poor peanut butter experience. No, I have not acquired an allergy against it or eaten from some expired jar. What I did, though, was settle for buying the store brand peanut butter to save money versus buying one of the known good brands (JIF, Skippy, and Peter Pan).
There are some products where you can save money by simply purchasing the generic store brand (ibuprofen, napkins, and pasta, to name a few), so I mistakenly thought it would be the same for peanut butter. But, in this assumption, I was wrong. I bought Giant brand, saved maybe a buck, and have kicked myself ever since. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Its texture is grainy and unappetizing, its taste lackluster and gross.
Because of this unfortunate error, I have recently reconsidered jelly's role in a good PB&J. Jelly is not to be ignored. It makes peanut butter shine. You can't have one without the other, in my opinion.
I may even go so far as to say jelly is the better component. Maybe it is the 20-year-old me speaking up or some bitter hesitation carrying over from my recent poor peanut butter purchase decision (say that five times fast), but I think I like jelly more. Plus, you have so many more options with jelly. You can have classic grape, strawberry, raspberry, blackberry, boysenberry, and more (basically anything ending in "berry"), and if you want to get wild, you can move away from the jelly and experiment with jam, spread, or preserves, coming from a jar, tub, or the hip new squeeze bottle.
I went grocery shopping tonight to restock my apartment and decided to forget about the old Giant peanut butter and lay down the appropriate funds to buy Skippy creamy brand. I'm not looking back.
But, now I am left with a jar of Giant peanut butter, about 80% full, that I will probable not eat. But, out of some misplaced sense of not wanting to waste it, I don't have the heart to throw it away. Afterall, there are starving kids in China. What to do...what to do?
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