NBA Draft Time!

The NFL Draft has come and gone with the Ravens picking some QB out of Delaware in the first round after trading approximately seven different times in the first round alone. But I don't care about that. The NFL Draft is boring. No one will admit it because of this country's love affair with the NFL, but the NBA Draft is better. Two rounds on one night is much easier to digest than seven rounds spread over two grueling days. The NBA Draft also isn't the subject of three months of the ESPN Hype Machine (patent pending) or seven billion appearances from Mel Kiper's Hair on the WorldWide Leader. And finally, I've heard of all the (non-foreign) guys in the NBA Draft. Does anyone know anything about some OL from Ole Miss drafted in the 6th round? (Warning: this player may not exist).

This is the first in a series of articles about this year's NBA Draft. The series will end when I feel like not writing anymore. The series may be only one entry long. The series may eventually be released as a TV miniseries and entitled Ken Burns' Baseball. No one knows (good song).

This entry looks at each of the major conferences and the early entrants whose (potential) departure most heavily impacts next years' conference races.

ACC: Tywon Lawson. Even with Tyler Hansbrough returning for his senior season, whether or not Tywon Lawson remains in the draft will be critical for North Carolina. With Quentin Thomas graduating, Lawson's departure would mean that point guard responsibilities would be divided between senior Bobby Frasor, who was limited by injury to just twelve games last season, along with incoming freshman Larry Drew of California. Frasor is a competent backup with some starting experience and Drew is a well-regarded, if not elite, prospect, but there has to be major questions about whether either player could play well enough next season for a team that will contend for a National Championship once again if Ellington and Green make their way back to Chapel Hill. Lawson's speed in the open court is perfect for the Tar Heels run and gun offense and his impact on the team likely goes beyond his raw scoring and assist averages.

SEC: Jamont Gordon. Mississippi State recovered from a slow start this season to win 23 games and make it to the second round of the tournament. While the Bulldogs lost two key contributors from a 12 win SEC team (Charles Rhodes to graduation and Ben Hansbrough to transfer), the return of Gordon, who averaged a Vasquezian 17.5-6-6-4.9-4.1 (pts, rebs, ast, to) line last season, could make them the early favorite in the SEC West for next season. Without Gordon, they'll have to duke it out with the rest of the pack that includes Ole Miss, Alabama and Arkansas. Gordon, much like Vasquez, lacks the scoring efficiency and outside shooting to make him NBA-ready so he would be wise to return for his senior season.

Big XII: Darrell Arthur. The sophomore big man somewhat quietly led eventual National Champion Kansas in scoring in the regular season before finishing second to Brandon Rush. His 12.8 ppg average may not seem gaudy, but considering how balanced the Jayhawks were and that the average was compiled in just under 25 minutes per game at 54% shooting and it's easy to see how valuable Arthur was. If both Arthur and Mario Chalmers leave, Sherron Collins would be the only player in the team's top eight to return to Kansas. While the Jayhawks program is one that typically reloads rather than rebuilds, losing seven contributors is a tough hit to take. If Arthur returns he would provide a much needed inside complement to Collins and possibly Chalmers on the outside. If Arthur leaves, the expectations at Kansas should not include a return trip to the Final Four.

Big Ten: Kosta Koufos. Ohio State head coach Thad Matta might be the best recruiter in college basketball right now, but even his skills couldn't prevent the loss of Greg Oden, Mike Conley, and Daequan Cook from taking the Buckeyes from National Runner-up to NIT Champions. While Ohio State disappointed, one time Maryland recruit Kosta Koufos did not. The seven footer with range out to the three point line lived up to his billing as a freshman by averaging 14.4 points per game. If he leaves, along with seniors Jamar Butler and Othello Hunter, the Buckeyes will lose their best scorers from a team that struggled to put the ball in the hoop. Koufos needs to become a better rebounder and a more physical player before he makes an impact in the NBA, but it's a near certainty that he'll be a lottery pick this offseason if he chooses to stay in the draft. If that happens, not even a recruiting class that includes the #1 prospect in the country according to some may be able to prevent another bubble season.

Pac Ten: Kevin Love. It's a virtual certainty that Love will stay in the draft, but the big man from Oregon has yet to hire an agent and has retained his eligibility so far. Needless to say this would be a big coup for the Bruins if Love returns given that he was, statistically, one of the top two players in the country alongside Michael Beasley of Kansas State. Given that teammates Russell Westbrook, Josh Shipp, and Luc Richard Mbah-a-Moute have also declared for the draft, but if Love were to come back that would certainly mitigate the pain of losing any of those three.

Big East: Joe Alexander. While a potential return by Syracuse frosh Donte Greene might have more impact, there's little chance of that. Alexander is projected to be a first round pick, but if the athletic small forward from Mount Airy were to return to West Virginia the Mountaineers would lose only Darris Nicholls and could stand to improve on last season's Sweet 16 finish. Alexander gained most of his national notoriety in his team's upset of Duke in the NCAA Tournament, but he could stand to come back to school for his final season in order to improve his offensive game. If he does, Bob Huggins will do big things in his second season in Morgantown.

A new low.

Guest blog from our good friend Josh.

"Sometimes I come across excellent music in unexpected places. I’ll be browsing the internet or listening to the radio and hear something that is extraordinarily good or different, something that is just over and above other music. Unfortunately this was not one of those times. Recently I was given the (as of yet unreleased) album of a new artist who goes by “Berto the Guitarist.” I want to say that the album was less clichéd than the artist’s name, but I can’t do that in good conscience. It was almost worse than the new ‘Flo-Rider’ album. In addition to very poor creativity, lyrics, and overall music composition, the performance of the songs was downright abominable, very similar to Soulja Boy. Actually, if Soulja Boy did hippie rock I am pretty sure this is exactly what the album would sound like. I give it a rating of ‘Piss-Poor.’ It was almost worse than that time that graham crackers got under the refrigerator…"

(*Face blurred for the sake of privacy. The album is just that terrible.*)

Top 10 Worst Movies (that I know of)

Guest blog by Josh. Carry on.

I want to preface this blog with the comment that these are not the ‘Top Ten Worst Movies Ever’ mostly because no one cares about horrible movies made like 15 years ago. Additionally, I am basing most of these reviews off of the trailers because let’s face it; I didn’t actually watch most of these movies soo…yah.

Here we go:

10. One Missed Call -Basically, this movie just doesn’t look scary at all. You receive a phone call that is the audio of your death? That sounds pretty lame to me, since when does death use cell phones? Wouldn’t it be easier to just like show you a vision of your own death? I feel like that would also be infinitely scarier. As for the trailer, well…. The first thing is some stupid statistic: 2 million cell phone calls a day: Oh no! Someone save me from the impending doom. The first actual scene is a girl saying “that’s not my ringtone” at which point I stopped watching the trailer out of sheer boredom. I am not sure how the trailer ends, but I am sure the rest of it sucks too. We are just going to assume the movie does as well.

9. Bloodrayne – A quick note, allegedly there was a sequel to this movie, and there is no doubt in my mind that it was worse. But no one saw it, or really even heard of it, so we’ll all just pretend that it didn’t happen. I did actually see this movie, a move which I regretted pretty much immediately. The director, Uwe Boll is probably the dumbest man alive (though he thinks he is a genius), there is even a petition online to “Stop Dr. Uwe Boll” from making movies. Anyway, the actual movie sucked pretty hard too. There were buckets of blood, and by blood I mean what looked like strawberry pancake syrup, there was ridiculous amounts of dismemberment (of manikins filled with syrup), there was horribly forced dialog and just to top it all off, there was the goofiest looking sets I have ever seen. There was a plot, but he stole it from the video game and it really made no sense, so we’ll just skip it. Despite all this, the movie did have one redeeming factor: that it starred Kristanna Loken (the girl from T3) who is extraordinarily hot and is topless in the movie. This is the kind of movie that you just assume that it has to get better, and it just keeps getting worse. Actually, the last 5-10 minutes of the movie, is just a replay of all the kills in the movie (I swear, I am not joking). Overall, it kind of reminded me of WWE with swords.

8. 28 Weeks Later – I know that a lot of people like this movie, but honestly, the plot was so ironic that it was hilarious in a please-tell-me-that-did-not-just-happen kind of way. The two kids escape from the safe area (gee, that was a good idea) and find the only surviving zombie in the whole world, who happens to be their mother (???). Their father then decides to make out with the mother, and is turned into a zombie as well (who saw that coming). He then starts running around killing people, which leads to a lockdown, which apparently consists of locking everyone in a room and turning off the lights (that will definitely help to find the zombie). Of course, the dad (who killed the mom and is thus the only zombie around) happens to go directly to the room where everyone is locked in. He starts mangling people which turns them into zombies. Overall, the only people who survive are the two kids (whose fault the whole thing was) and some like military types. Also, the girl is really ugly, so that was another downside to the movie. I might have liked the movie if they had named it ‘Resident Evil’ and it had starred Milla Jovovich. But alas, it didn’t, so I didn’t either.

7. The Ruins – No, I didn’t see this movie (it’s not out), but I did see the trailer approximately 4,372 times in the past week and a half. I only have two comments on this movie:

A. “The Decent” + “Bug”

B. Any movie that needs to advertise as much as this movie probably sucks.

6. Martian Child – I was once forced to watch this movie, I fell asleep four times and the movie still wasn’t over. The plot of the movie is that some douchebag writer adopts some douchebag kid who thinks he is a Martian. Whether he actually is or not is not addressed in the movie. Actually nothing is addressed in this movie, which may be why it’s so incredibly boring.

5. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians – Aliens (robots with fangs?) + Christmas = Lose. If you need further proof, check out the cover for the movie. To make it even better, and by better I mean far worse, the movie is in the ‘Family’ genre. I know this movie is old and stuff, but honestly, it’s called Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

4. Step Up 2: The Streets – HAHAHAHAHAH no.

3. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 – I don’t even know what to say about this: I didn’t watch the trailer. The actual movie isn’t in theatres yet (and hopefully never will be). iTunes trailers says “Though miles and worlds apart, they strive to stay in touch and share their new experiences and triumphs with heart and humor and, now more than ever, come to value the immeasurable power of their friendship”. I must say that this is a good summary, except I think they meant ‘the immeasurable gayness of their friendship.’

2. Gigli – A movie about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. I couldn’t actually tell you what the movie was really about because that’s all the trailers were about. I feel like this was a bad advertising plan however, mostly because no one likes either of these people. Really, everyone knows this movie is horrendous.

1. The Notebook – This was such an easy choice. A Romantic movie about old people? Really? Who thought that was a good idea. I can’t say I have actually seen this movie, but it seems so ridiculously sappy that there is no chance its good. Additionally, it won MTVs best kiss award. I don’t feel like that fact requires any commentary. Honestly, this movie probably has a decent plot and features good acting. These positive facts are outweighed by the obviously, overtly, obnoxiously sappy romance that is the focus of the movie. Additionally, the movie looks extremely melodramatic and offensively unrealistic; it seems like the kind of movie that makes girls think that guys are romantic and ruins it for everyone. I only listed it as the number one worse movie ever because of the horrible torture that has been inflicted using this movie.

We already have a senator...

Cereal Killers

So yeah, that season left a bad taste in my mouth. And you know what would get rid of that foul taste? Some cereal.

Everyone loves breakfast cereals. Milk and grainy goodness, for the win. Now that's what I call a balanced breakfast. Anyone who doesn't eat cereal should probably go back to Soviet Russia where they can eat all the kasha and rye breads they want. Here in America we like our sugary treats from the fine people at Kellogg's, General Mills, and Post.

But what are the BEST cereals? A subject of much debate. Thankfully we here at Says Things can give you the Complete Cold Cereal Compendium. Except it isn't complete. It's just a ranking of the best cereals. But the list was generated in a scientific fashion (my brain = science).

8. Waffle Crisp. Thank God I waited about three weeks from the time I started this post to the time I actually started the list. Otherwise I would not have learned about the awesomeness that is Waffle Crisp. Sure, I had eaten it before, but now I see that it is like a form of crack made from grains - in this case oat, wheat, AND corn. Those little pieces also turn the milk into a maple syrup-laced liquid. Fantastic.

7. Corn Pops. Gotta have my Pops. This cereal doesn't wow you with animated commercial characters. Nor does it burst into your mouth with a taste sensation. Really I'm not sure why this is good at all. But it is. Those corn pieces get just a bit soggy and then you can devour them, two bowls per sitting.

6. Lucky Charms. How great is this cereal? This was always a favorite as a kid, what with the delicious and sugary marshmallows. But this is no cereal for kids alone. Oh no. As one grows up and develops a more discerning palate, the oat cereal pieces are a great complement to the marshmallows. Now if those damn folks at General Mills would stop changing the shapes of the marbits.

5. Apple Jacks. Another in the line of "makes the milk taste different" cereals that are so good. The cinnamon is much less prevalent than in other cereals (i.e. Cinnamon Toast Crunch), but the combination of that with a bit of apple flavoring really makes for a strong cereal. Plus it has apple in the title so you know it's part of a balanced breakfast. (Random aside: who actually has time to eat the so-called balanced breakfast that they show in these commercials? Not me).

4. Froot Loops. Toucan Sam, you magnificent bastard! No clue what flavors these actually are, but they're tasty. And colorful, which is a big plus if you're an immature dolt like me.

3. Honey Smacks. Now we're getting into the big guns. The staples. This one gets hurt just a bit because Post's Golden Crisp is nearly identical in taste. The mascot battle is close, too. Dig'em is a super cool 90s style frog who had a statue dedicated to him on Family Guy. On the other side is Sugar Bear, a cool fucking bear who can turn into Super Bear. In the end I'll give the edge to the anthropomorphic frog and his superior cereal, because when do you see an anthropomorphic frog anymore?

2. Honey Nut Cheerios - Is this too high? You're damn right it is. But that's what I get for not compiling this list ahead of time and forgetting to put this on there. Honey Nut Cheerios has a honey bee mascot, so you know there's honey goodness baked into every point. Bonus points for being another cereal that has its taste improve as it gets soggier.

1. Cocoa Puffs - Oh hell yes. This one has it all. Crunchy, chocolately goodness. A cuckoo bird mascot by the name of Sonny. And oh yeah, it turns your milk into CHOCOLATE MILK. People underrate this cereal to a criminal extent. Even in the chocolate sector of the market it often seems to take a back seat to lesser lights such as Cocoa Pebbles, Count Chocula, or even the dreaded Cocoa Krispies. This cereal only loses some of its perfection because it isn't that great to eat without milk. But that can be forgiven. All hail Sonny.

Top Ten Video Games to Yell Things At

Editor's Note: What follows is a special guest blog post from the esteemed colleague of the Says Things Bloggers, Big Ron. The opinions and ideas expressed in this post in no way reflect the same of The Says Things Bloggers. The aforementioned party hereby absolves itself of all responsibility for any harm, angst, anguish or giddiness resulting from this post.

Top 10 Vidjo Games to Yell At

I have been asked to write a guest post by my esteemed colleagues, who just say things. The current topic, which is near and dear to my heart, is about yelling, and its association with video (or vidjo) games. I think we all know that playing the actual game is only half the fun; the real joy comes from hearing the person four doors down from you venting streams of obscenities at 3:00 in the morning. I have worked tirelessly to compile this list – it required many hours of game playing, some slight carpal tunnel, and more than a few sore throat lozenges. These games are listed in no particular order, because each has elicited a truly awe-inspiring and often violent reaction from within the depths of my soul; and I will be eternally grateful. Without further ado, I bring you the Top 10 Vidjo Games to Yell At.

1) Super Smash Bros. (Any version)

We’re starting off strong with this selection. While these games are arguably the best of the multiplayers on the market today, they are also the most annoying. I have never gotten more upset, on a regular basis, than when I played this game with my brother for months on end. I would like to specify certain parts of the game that truly unleash the rage within:

1. Any time a Goldeen emerges from your perfectly placed pokéball. What the hell is that? I’m now going to floppy-fish you to death???

2. Any time someone (other than me) makes use of the hammer. Screw you and your easy kill (unless its me, in which case, I totally earned that hammer, and you probably had it coming).

3. Any time someone hits you with the homerun bat. You’re running towards them, and suddenly, you see them winding up; you try to avoid it, but you just can’t turn away. OH, THE HORROR!

4. Whenever someone else kills the stupid computer player that you beat the crap out of to the tune of 250% damage. I worked hard to throw that character 45 times in typical Kirby fashion; nobody better steal mah kills. It’s common courtesy.

5. Anytime a player can accurately implement their move which took five minutes to set up. When I get punched to oblivion by Donkey Kong, heads will roll.

Basically, what you must understand is that in a competitive game such as this, it is encouraged – nay, expected – nay, downright obligatory – to curse at those who outperform you. Or when you have a poor stroke of luck. Or when you are yelling and stomping around about a previous issue, and you somehow pull your controller out of the console, and during this brief period of inactivity, you get killed yet again. You gotta let loose on this game, especially when “lady luck” gives you STDs and won’t return your phone calls.

I end on a personal note…He hit me through the pipe. THROUGH the FREAKIN’ PIPE!!! You may have heard me screaming this last Saturday. If you were within a three-mile radius.

2) Medal of Honor: Frontline (Multiplayer)

I think I may have won simultaneous awards for the longest string of f-bombs, as well as the loudest f-bomb ever dropped, when I played this game. Damn you, Mike P. The only thing I hate worse than New Jerseyians coming into this country to attend college, is New Jerseyians thinking that they can just throw grenades willy-nilly in order to try to kill me while I’m sniping them…And having it actually work.

3) Guitar Hero (Any version)

Why, guitar gods, why? You’ve created the most addicting game, and then, you had the balls to put virtually unbeatable songs on there! When you get through 100% of song, and still somehow manage to fail, that is when you understand the whole “wailing and gnashing of teeth” thing in the Bible. So, congratulations. You have broken my heart a little bit each time that stupid crowd boos my masterful performance. I hope you’re happy. ‘Cause I sure am.

4) Grand Theft Auto: You Name the Version, It Has Been Cursed to Hell

In an already vulgar, seedy, and lascivious game, you’re pretty much primed to scream loudly when you’re gunned down after you just drove a hooker home.

5) Pokémon Snap –The Game Everyone Loves to Hate

I added this game, not because it’s good with some annoying characteristics. Rather, I added it because it’s annoying, with very few good characteristics. Who thought of this game? Were they high on opium? So I spent good money to take pictures of cute stuffed animals? Can I ask any more questions?

Oh, and when that bulbasaur hides behind the tree, or the moltres flies away, I feel like, were I in the position of the guy riding in the cart taking pictures, I would have put the camera away, brought out the flamethrower, and burnt that cute little forest down.

6) Mortal Kombat – I Hate Jade. Period. Oh, and Motaro. And Shao Khan. And…

7) Mario Kart – You’re in Last Place; Let’s Give You One Green Shell

Seriously, can you be any more biased against the human player? So, you’re riding along comfortably in first place, when suddenly, the lightning strikes, you get run over by a guy with a star, you’re hit with a homing shell, and you fall off the course. Now you’re in last. Let’s see what you can do with this item, and it’s... An exploding upside-down item box. You’re screwed.

8) Pong – The Bouncing Pixel from Hell

I tend to get outraged when I fail at the simplest of games. MOVE THAT FREAKING BAR TOWARDS THAT FREAKING DOT!

9) Goldeneye – Where There’s Always Someone in the Crossfire

This one goes out to every game designer with the idea that some stupid, worthless character that you need to protect for some greater purpose at the end of the game will present a fun challenge. STOP. The only challenge is me trying to restrain myself from blowing Natalya up with the grenade launcher, and saving myself the trouble from when she decides to walk in front of me during the middle of a tense firefight. Is she trying to negotiate peace with them? Or maybe she’s a traitor. I’ll keep shooting just to be safe.

10) Tie: Starfox/The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: Because Nothing is as Annoying as the “Helping” Character

I conclude with a general view about games which have uncontrollable side characters, whether they be allies in your quest, or potential comic relief in otherwise serious and often awesome games. These characters suck. Please stop inserting them. I chose these two games, because I think each gives us a glimpse of what I am talking about here.

Starfox: I want to gouge my ears out, if that is possible, every time I hear Slippy give meaningless advice, or repeatedly call for help. I often just take him out at the beginning of the level.

TLOZ: Fairies? Wow. No, wait, annoying talking fairies? And they force you to listen to them, so that they can tell you how to do everything, like opening doors? Excellent. I don’t know how you would’ve rescued the princess on your own. You could not have even opened the door to your treehouse in the forest without Navi’s help…Oh wait, your house didn’t have a door. Those crafty game developers…

So there you have it. 10 awesome games – And one awful one – that keep unsuspecting floormates awake; that keep Hall’s Sore Throat Lozenges in business; And, that entertain us all.

New, For the 25th Anniversary...