Becoming a good basketball player requires skill, athleticism, and countless hours of practice. If we, the Says Things Bloggers, would spend even half the time in the gym playing basketball as we do sitting around discussing it, we might be decent. Actually, we’d probably still be pretty bad. But at least we’d be potentially respectable in the UMD basketball pickup circuit in the Armory, Ritchie Coliseum, and the ERC.
The way things are currently though, we only make the walk to one of the above gyms about two or three times per week, which means we only play about once or twice a week. There’s usually a one-in-three shot that we walk all the way to the gym, and end not playing for one reason or another, such as the gym being packed, closed for volleyball, or my personal favorite, the week Ritchie was closed for a rhythmic gymnastics competition.
As a team, our skill set isn’t great. We’re not in shape, so we get tired easily in full-court games. We don’t have a lot of size, as Andrew, Steve, and I are only about 6’1”. So when we finally make it to the gym and are looking to play, we can’t just play against anyone. Guys who can dunk, quick ball handlers, and guys in prestigious basketball camp jerseys would destroy us. We have to be selective. Sure, shorter, slower people who can’t jump are the obvious choices to play against, but there are other special people we enjoy playing because we don’t like losing…
Guy in Jeans – Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a good pair. And they’re pretty much all I wear during winter. But jeans have no place in basketball. They inhibit your range of motion and are heavy, slowing you down. So you, jeans-wearer, make an ideal target to drive by on the perimeter.
Also in this category: Guy in Cords, Dockers, or any Pants Other than Sweats
Chucker with the ugly jumpshot – It’s one thing to not be able to shoot well and have problems making three-pointers. It’s a whole different problem if you know shooting isn’t your game and you continue to chuck anyways. Drive, slash, crash the boards. Do anything, but stop chucking from out of your range. Sooner or later, your team will stop passing you the ball, making it a 5 on 4 advantage for us.
Also in this category: Awkward, Lanky Guy who Forces Post Shots Despite Being Triple-teamed
Guy in Collared Shirt – Were you on your way to take a girl out to dinner? Then you probably shouldn’t be playing basketball at the gym. Did you feel underdressed in your t-shirt? Well now you’ll pay the price by sweating twice as much as everyone else and possibly leave bad sweat stains on a nice shirt. Nice work.
Also in this category: (One of the only things worse than Guy in Collared Shirt) – Guy in Collared Shirt who Pops his Collar after Making Basket
Guy with Hiking Shoes – I understand if you don’t want to pay the money for a nice pair of basketball shoes. But those Nike mock-hiking boots aren’t really suitable for basketball. The only climbing you’ll be doing is out of the hole that we put your team in after we score the first 5 because you can’t play. Technically, you didn’t wear Timberlands, so you tried to wear something decent, but you just came up short.
Also in this category: Guy in Cargo Shorts (tried, but didn’t quite get it)
Guy who’s Old Enough to be Your Grandfather – Most likely, you’ve either come back to school to take college credits for some absurd reason or actually paid for a UMD CRS membership because you live close to campus. How anyone would be stupid enough to pay for absurd hours and intramural badminton tournaments is beside the point. Your crew socks, sweatbands, and walking shoes probably make you a better fit for the step-aerobics class. You can’t run the floor very well, and even though you may have a decent set-shot, your teammates probably won’t pass it to you in fear of your Arthritic wrists and hands.
Also in this category: Guy who Looks like Your 70-Year-Old Professor
Guy with Hat – Expecting a blinding glare off the floor, you wore a baseball cap to the gym to play basketball. If this was the early 90’s, if you were as good as Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson were in White Men Can’t Jump, and if you could pull this look off, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. But it’s almost 20 years later, you’re playing crappy pickup ball in a UMD gym, and I’m pretty sure that look faded out with Zubaz. There are zero advantages to wearing a hat while playing basketball indoors. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t just take your hat off and set it on the side. Guy in Jeans can’t do that because he probably isn't wearing shorts. Guy who’s Old Enough to be Your Grandfather can’t do anything about his age. You have the option of making yourself less of a target. Take off your damn hat.
Also in this category: Not much compares to Guy with Hat.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Terps win takes the Wake!
So apparently Gary Williams (who is indeed a baller) can only struggle against former Big East teams. His Terps beat a surging Wake Forest team on the road to run his team's record to 8-6 en route to handing the Deacons just their second home loss of the season, 74-70.
Greivis Vasquez and James Gist must play well for the Terps to beat any competitive opponents and tonight they did just that. Gist asserted himself from the beginning by hitting a number of jump shots in the first half including three triples in the game. He also manned the inside, taking a dozen foul shots and grabbing 11 boards to go along with a career high 31 points including the free throws down the stretch to seal the win.
Vasquez had his usual outstanding game with 24 points, 8 assists, and 4 boards plus just 4 turnovers on 9-15 shooting. The defining sequence for Vasquez saw him post up his miniature defender (Teague?) in order to score on three consecutive trips down the court.
The Terps led for the majority of the game, but that doesn't mean that tonight wasn't without some tense moments. After taking a 68-57 lead midway through the second half on an Eric Hayes' three, the team went ice cold. Cold enough that they went the final 9:10 without making a shot from the field. The Terps missed nine straight shots to finish the game, often settling for threes. BOOM was held scoreless while playing limited minutes due to illness, a big cause of the team's inability to get high percentage shots down the stretch.
The defense, along with torrid early shooting, played a huge part in winning the game. Wake shot just 37.9% from the field, similar to their earlier pathetic shooting performance against the Terps at Comcast Center. James Johnson, a freshman from Wyoming (they play ball there?), was incredible on his way to 25 points, but his only scoring help came from seven foot near-stiff Chas MacFarland.
The win moves the Terps back into a tie for fourth place with Virginia Tech. As it stands now the Hokies own the tiebreaker meaning that Maryland would face Virginia in the first round of the ACC Tournament. Next up is Clemson (8-5 ACC) on Sunday. It will be Senior Night for James and BOOM so expect the emotion to be there. Hopefully the execution will be as well.
Greivis Vasquez and James Gist must play well for the Terps to beat any competitive opponents and tonight they did just that. Gist asserted himself from the beginning by hitting a number of jump shots in the first half including three triples in the game. He also manned the inside, taking a dozen foul shots and grabbing 11 boards to go along with a career high 31 points including the free throws down the stretch to seal the win.
Vasquez had his usual outstanding game with 24 points, 8 assists, and 4 boards plus just 4 turnovers on 9-15 shooting. The defining sequence for Vasquez saw him post up his miniature defender (Teague?) in order to score on three consecutive trips down the court.
The Terps led for the majority of the game, but that doesn't mean that tonight wasn't without some tense moments. After taking a 68-57 lead midway through the second half on an Eric Hayes' three, the team went ice cold. Cold enough that they went the final 9:10 without making a shot from the field. The Terps missed nine straight shots to finish the game, often settling for threes. BOOM was held scoreless while playing limited minutes due to illness, a big cause of the team's inability to get high percentage shots down the stretch.
The defense, along with torrid early shooting, played a huge part in winning the game. Wake shot just 37.9% from the field, similar to their earlier pathetic shooting performance against the Terps at Comcast Center. James Johnson, a freshman from Wyoming (they play ball there?), was incredible on his way to 25 points, but his only scoring help came from seven foot near-stiff Chas MacFarland.
The win moves the Terps back into a tie for fourth place with Virginia Tech. As it stands now the Hokies own the tiebreaker meaning that Maryland would face Virginia in the first round of the ACC Tournament. Next up is Clemson (8-5 ACC) on Sunday. It will be Senior Night for James and BOOM so expect the emotion to be there. Hopefully the execution will be as well.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
The Most Erudite Blog You Shall Read All Day
It has come to my attention that many of the readers of this beloved blog are unlearned in the ways of the world. Not to sound condescending but the readers are, shall we say, uncouth. They do not know of the finer things in life. They are unaware of the sophistication that is But Then Came Gary Williams. In an effort to make the readers more cosmopolitan, I will take the time to educate them on the more subtle aspects of living. Be forewarned, the knowledge contained herein may be unsuitable for all. If the reader wants to become civilized, do read ahead. If not, go to some other trash you Philistines.
It has come to my attention that many of you have the dreadful habit of using the word "prank." The hallowed Oxford English Dictionary defines prank as "A pleat, fold," and mentions that it is obscure and rare. It is also defined as a verb meaning to perform the action of a "prank." I am all for bringing back the rich heritage of Middlee Englishe, but as you may very well know these are advanced times we live in and so we must use advanced terminologies. No longer can we use such simple, outdated terms just as we can longer use such simple, outdated machines like the inclined plane. To quote the Steve Austin's creators, "We have the technology. . .we can make [it] better. . ." and so we shall.
I would like to be the first to welcome you all to a new era. It may very well become the greatest era of enlightenment and achievement the human race has ever known. From henceforth, the word "prank" and the action of "pranking" shall be known as "hax" or "haxing." The word hax is pronounced like the word "hacks." Likewise, haxing in pronounced "hacksing."
There is also one more caveat. Unlike "pranks," when one is haxing one must be sure to announce that one is indeed in the act of performing a hax. This can be done in one of two ways. The first, more simple way to do this is to merely announce to your victim that he or she has been haxed. This can be done during the haxing, after the haxing, or when the victim finds out what has been haxed.
The second way to do this is similar to the first. The announcement of the haxing is done at the same times, except this time the type of hax is also announced to the victim. Determining the type of hax is somewhat tricky, ever for a person experienced in the art. If you follow a few rules though, it can be quite easy.
Godspeed!
It has come to my attention that many of you have the dreadful habit of using the word "prank." The hallowed Oxford English Dictionary defines prank as "A pleat, fold," and mentions that it is obscure and rare. It is also defined as a verb meaning to perform the action of a "prank." I am all for bringing back the rich heritage of Middlee Englishe, but as you may very well know these are advanced times we live in and so we must use advanced terminologies. No longer can we use such simple, outdated terms just as we can longer use such simple, outdated machines like the inclined plane. To quote the Steve Austin's creators, "We have the technology. . .we can make [it] better. . ." and so we shall.
I would like to be the first to welcome you all to a new era. It may very well become the greatest era of enlightenment and achievement the human race has ever known. From henceforth, the word "prank" and the action of "pranking" shall be known as "hax" or "haxing." The word hax is pronounced like the word "hacks." Likewise, haxing in pronounced "hacksing."
There is also one more caveat. Unlike "pranks," when one is haxing one must be sure to announce that one is indeed in the act of performing a hax. This can be done in one of two ways. The first, more simple way to do this is to merely announce to your victim that he or she has been haxed. This can be done during the haxing, after the haxing, or when the victim finds out what has been haxed.
The second way to do this is similar to the first. The announcement of the haxing is done at the same times, except this time the type of hax is also announced to the victim. Determining the type of hax is somewhat tricky, ever for a person experienced in the art. If you follow a few rules though, it can be quite easy.
- Firstly, the announcement is always [type of hax] hax. Never the other way around. For example, if I took the victim's keys and hid them, I would announce "key hax." Never would I say "hax keys."
- Note: Saying "I haxed your keys" is a perfectly acceptable way of announcing the hax
- Secondly, the type of hax is determined by what has most been affected by the hax or what was used to do the haxing. For example, if someone's pencils were placed in jello, it would be known as a jello hax. It would not be a pencil hax. However, if the pencils were merely taken and hidden, it would only be a pencil hax.
- A special case of the Second rule is when the haxing is done to imitate someone. If the person's personal effects are taken and used to perform the hax, then the announcement is not "[personal effects] hax." Instead it is "[name of person]" hax.
Godspeed!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
But Then Came Frank Haith
What can you say? Sometimes when you watch a team long enough, you feel like you've seen a particular game play out a thousands times over the years. Yesterday was one of those times. For the third straight game, and fourth time in five games, Maryland lost to Frank Haith's Miami club. It wasn't as embarrassing as last season's sweep at the hands of the Canes - Miami is a legitimate NCAA Tournament quality team this season - but Maryland looked just as inept defensively against Miami's shooters and offensively against their physical defenders.
Maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Since the ACC expanded prior to the 2005 season, Gary Williams' teams are a combined 5-12 against Miami, Virginia Tech, and Boston College as compared to 27-17 against the other eight teams in the conference. This year the difference is even more pronounced as Maryland is 1-4 against the newcomers against 6-2 versus the old guard.
The common trait that the three new teams share is a deliberate pace that is in stark contrast to the typical up and down style of the ACC, as well as a certain physical nature more at home in the grind-it-out Big East. The Terps have simply never seemed comfortable against those teams. Once again the big men never got untracked as James Gist threw up his third poor performance in four games including picking up more cheap fouls. The Terps' defense made fans feel like Dorenzo Hudson during a Jason McAlpin free throw. Eric Hayes shot well from the field but was again abused on defense while Vasquez and Milbourne combined to shoot 10-33.
It seemed like the most positive thing to come out of this game was confirmation that Jerome Burney is indeed still alive. With Gist and BOOM both hampered by early foul trouble, Gary Williams called on Burney for the first time since the Savannah State game. Burney responded with a putback dunk to end the first half (and cut the lead to three) before adding another thunderous jam in the second half to go with five rebounds in 12 minutes. Hopefully Coach will use him again before next February.
Next up is the game to decide which way the season will go, at Wake Forest on Thursday night. Go Terps.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Party in the City Where the Heat is On
Hey gang, remember that Will Smith joint about that South Florida town known as Miami? Sure ya do! It was awesome, wasn't it? Big Willie Style was clearly one of the seminal achievements in rap history and indeed in the history of American Popular Culture.
But enough of my clever segue into this preview of the Terps trip down to Miami to face their ACC rivals the Hurricanes. Let's talk about how Miami isn't in Miami, but rather Coral Gables, FL. Or how Boston College is actually in Chestnut Hill. Or how Wake Forest is in Winston-Salem and not, oh, I don't know, Wake Forest. At least Clemson is actually in the town of Clemson instead of joining in this parade of falsification.
Er, anyway, the Hurricanes. They just beat Duke at home, although when you're the second team to do that in a matter of four days, it loses some of its luster. They uncharacteristically shot the lights out, particularly sophomore big man Dwayne Collins who went for 26 points. After failing to make a single FG against Duke a few weeks back, he made 12 on Wednesday. Go figure.
Offensively, Miami is built on toughness - they get to the foul line and rebound the heck out of the ball on the offensive end. They also shoot well from downtown at nearly 40% on the season though they shoot fewer three pointers than the majority of conference rivals. What they don't do well is score inside the arc. No ACC team shoots a lower percentage on two point shots than Miami - big man Anthony King shoots an abysmal 43% from the field and star scorer Jack McClinton shoots just 40%, lower than his percentage from beyond the arc. Against Maryland's stellar two point defense, first in the ACC, don't expect that to change. James Dews and McClinton are both quality scoring options, but the lack of a true point guard in the backcourt hurts the offense.
While Miami does enough to put together a respectable offense, the defense has not been very good at all. They are a very poor rebounding team, one of the perils of using a three guard set featuring three guys all at or under 6-3. Even with a small, quick backcourt no one on the Hurricanes gets steals and Miami doesn't force turnovers much at all which bodes well for the turnover prone Terps. The Canes do have the interior defense and physicality to neutralize James Gist and BOOM, but as a whole the defense should not be good enough to contain the Terps' attack if Maryland executes the way they have for much of the past two months.
But enough of my clever segue into this preview of the Terps trip down to Miami to face their ACC rivals the Hurricanes. Let's talk about how Miami isn't in Miami, but rather Coral Gables, FL. Or how Boston College is actually in Chestnut Hill. Or how Wake Forest is in Winston-Salem and not, oh, I don't know, Wake Forest. At least Clemson is actually in the town of Clemson instead of joining in this parade of falsification.
Er, anyway, the Hurricanes. They just beat Duke at home, although when you're the second team to do that in a matter of four days, it loses some of its luster. They uncharacteristically shot the lights out, particularly sophomore big man Dwayne Collins who went for 26 points. After failing to make a single FG against Duke a few weeks back, he made 12 on Wednesday. Go figure.
Offensively, Miami is built on toughness - they get to the foul line and rebound the heck out of the ball on the offensive end. They also shoot well from downtown at nearly 40% on the season though they shoot fewer three pointers than the majority of conference rivals. What they don't do well is score inside the arc. No ACC team shoots a lower percentage on two point shots than Miami - big man Anthony King shoots an abysmal 43% from the field and star scorer Jack McClinton shoots just 40%, lower than his percentage from beyond the arc. Against Maryland's stellar two point defense, first in the ACC, don't expect that to change. James Dews and McClinton are both quality scoring options, but the lack of a true point guard in the backcourt hurts the offense.
While Miami does enough to put together a respectable offense, the defense has not been very good at all. They are a very poor rebounding team, one of the perils of using a three guard set featuring three guys all at or under 6-3. Even with a small, quick backcourt no one on the Hurricanes gets steals and Miami doesn't force turnovers much at all which bodes well for the turnover prone Terps. The Canes do have the interior defense and physicality to neutralize James Gist and BOOM, but as a whole the defense should not be good enough to contain the Terps' attack if Maryland executes the way they have for much of the past two months.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I'm a terrible blogger
Wow I suck. It's been over a week since the my last blog post. Add to that the fact that I still haven't gotten a decent mp3 player for the podcast and the general laziness of the blog staff and it looks gloomy for saysthings. In attempt to not have this blog die the death of so many of my other life goals and aspirations, I'm going to make it a personal goal to write more on this blog. That and I don't want to do problem sets.
And now I've hit writer's block. What great knowledge contained within me (ha) could I release to you, our humble readers? Really, I don't know. There's general fare for the blog. Terps are goin' to the LIG, Rockband is awesome, music is neat, movies are cool. I could also go Yoko on this thing and make a completely introspective and retrospective post (really?) and create concept posts and abstract writings. I could also stop being a bitch and write about something you give a damn about. So I shall.
So here's my best shot, I guess, at something that isn't a Top Whatever list.
I hate sports. I absolutely, completely despise them. That is to say that I love sports. Perhaps too much. Why am I saying "perhaps," of course I love them too much. I'm too involved. And yet I'm not even as engrossed in sports as much as other people are. I don't take games as hard as others do. And no, I really can't ramble off stats and facts like some sort of machine. I have the internet for that. But all of these things may have made my second point a fallacy. But whatever, this is my blog. If you have a problem write your own, dammit. (And get off my lawn while you're at it.)
Seriously though, why should I care so much about sports? Why is it that every win brings elation and every loss brings heartbreak. It's all to varying degrees but these feelings always happen. A fantastic game is recounted over and over while a crushing lost can only be talked about amid utterings of "I don't want to talk about it." Why? Why does all this happen. Frankly, I don't know. Why do we attach ourselves so strongly to a team and ride the emotional roller coaster of wins and losses?
The best answer I can guess is one that isn't even my own. Sports and athletic competitions have replaced wars and battles. That's a good thing. Sports and especially teams allow us to identify with a group. We're part of something as we root on our favorite team. It's not, "did the team win?" or even "did our team win." Almost always the question asked is "did WE win?" And certainly it feels that way. It's an insult to you when the team is derided and praise to you when they are lauded. But we didn't do anything. We aren't the people playing the game. We don't have the athletic abilities. We aren't coaching. We don't plan. Even as fans in the stands, how much does our yelling and screaming really do? Are we going to cause an opposing player to miss a free throw or drop a pop up or miss the snap on 3rd down? No, we aren't, though we'll tell ourselves that we are.
So why do we get so involved? Why are we so invested? It's really not good for us. An up and down game can give some one heart palpitations. Who wants that? And why should we be depressed after a loss? Why should a bad football game ruin us for a week? Why do the Orioles make the little kid inside of me cry and die a little? Why did I rush the court when the Terps beat UNC last year at home? I didn't do anything. I never do. All I do is root, root, root for the home team. But is it such a shame if they don't win?
And this is why I hate sports. It destroys me on the inside. I'm not a normal person. No one is. Sports are, in reality, very meaningless. After the college level (and even including it), sports is really just entertainment. I'm never this involved in a movie. Like hell if I get that jazzed up over Harry Potter. Never have I spent days talking and obsessing over The Simpsons. But here I am lamenting over sports. I should feel this way about people, not events. And so I hate sports. I hate what it does to me and how it makes me feel. I hate the ways it twists and turns me insides. Mostly I hate that I care.
But will I keep watching?
Of course.
And now I've hit writer's block. What great knowledge contained within me (ha) could I release to you, our humble readers? Really, I don't know. There's general fare for the blog. Terps are goin' to the LIG, Rockband is awesome, music is neat, movies are cool. I could also go Yoko on this thing and make a completely introspective and retrospective post (really?) and create concept posts and abstract writings. I could also stop being a bitch and write about something you give a damn about. So I shall.
So here's my best shot, I guess, at something that isn't a Top Whatever list.
I hate sports. I absolutely, completely despise them. That is to say that I love sports. Perhaps too much. Why am I saying "perhaps," of course I love them too much. I'm too involved. And yet I'm not even as engrossed in sports as much as other people are. I don't take games as hard as others do. And no, I really can't ramble off stats and facts like some sort of machine. I have the internet for that. But all of these things may have made my second point a fallacy. But whatever, this is my blog. If you have a problem write your own, dammit. (And get off my lawn while you're at it.)
Seriously though, why should I care so much about sports? Why is it that every win brings elation and every loss brings heartbreak. It's all to varying degrees but these feelings always happen. A fantastic game is recounted over and over while a crushing lost can only be talked about amid utterings of "I don't want to talk about it." Why? Why does all this happen. Frankly, I don't know. Why do we attach ourselves so strongly to a team and ride the emotional roller coaster of wins and losses?
The best answer I can guess is one that isn't even my own. Sports and athletic competitions have replaced wars and battles. That's a good thing. Sports and especially teams allow us to identify with a group. We're part of something as we root on our favorite team. It's not, "did the team win?" or even "did our team win." Almost always the question asked is "did WE win?" And certainly it feels that way. It's an insult to you when the team is derided and praise to you when they are lauded. But we didn't do anything. We aren't the people playing the game. We don't have the athletic abilities. We aren't coaching. We don't plan. Even as fans in the stands, how much does our yelling and screaming really do? Are we going to cause an opposing player to miss a free throw or drop a pop up or miss the snap on 3rd down? No, we aren't, though we'll tell ourselves that we are.
So why do we get so involved? Why are we so invested? It's really not good for us. An up and down game can give some one heart palpitations. Who wants that? And why should we be depressed after a loss? Why should a bad football game ruin us for a week? Why do the Orioles make the little kid inside of me cry and die a little? Why did I rush the court when the Terps beat UNC last year at home? I didn't do anything. I never do. All I do is root, root, root for the home team. But is it such a shame if they don't win?
And this is why I hate sports. It destroys me on the inside. I'm not a normal person. No one is. Sports are, in reality, very meaningless. After the college level (and even including it), sports is really just entertainment. I'm never this involved in a movie. Like hell if I get that jazzed up over Harry Potter. Never have I spent days talking and obsessing over The Simpsons. But here I am lamenting over sports. I should feel this way about people, not events. And so I hate sports. I hate what it does to me and how it makes me feel. I hate the ways it twists and turns me insides. Mostly I hate that I care.
But will I keep watching?
Of course.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
