I couldn't watch the game tonight on account of class. Or at least I couldn't have watched the first hour and twenty minutes of it, so I taped it. Dusted off the old VCR and then settled back to watch the game on a two hour tape delay. Due to the volume of late game text messages I received, I was sure that this was about to be a patented nonconference loss, by the home team in the ACC. Towards the end of the first half, I was sure that was the way it was going so I decided to blog about it as a source of humor and catharsis. What follows are the in-game neuroses of one man and one man only, though my dear readers will surely be able to empathize. So here we go, Bill Simmons style!
6:30 - Dino gets stuffed on a dunk attempt. Luckily Wooden Award Candidate Jordan Williams is there for the stick back. Thank God for him.
6:12 - Classic mid-major turd Goudelock hits another 3 - he has 10. Cougars by 8. There has to be a wing of the Naismith HOF for random mid-majors who pwn us. Remember Reggie Holmes?
6:00 - Another turnover on a pass to no one. Pretty sure that's a new wrinkle Gary installed into the flex this season.
5:12 - We have our first Gunnar Stahl sighting of the night!
4:59 - Jordan Williams with another slam. Early theme here is that Jordan Williams is the only good player on the floor for white.
3:57 - Bowie stripped on the fast break. I'm not sure he's cut out for this dribbling thing.
3:35 - A slam off the inbound pass for CofC coming out of the media timeout. That play is only a shade better than our inbound play, informally known as "hold the ball for four seconds then launch into the backcourt for a guard to run down".
3:18 - THE ICEMAN! Another great pass, this time to Bowie for a finish inside. This guy can play, even if it does look like he has church lig athleticism.
2:31 - Goudelock hits a DEEP three and now the Terps are down by nine. It's pretty clear that we're simply not winning this game. On the bright side, your announcers tonight are Rob Stone and Ja(y)son Williams. When you are down nine - at home - to a Southern conference team, even Jay Fucking Williams is a bright spot.
2:14 - OMG Jordan. Another slam. He used the pump fake to get his man off the ground and then sent it in WITH AUTHORITY. Our frontcourt is going to suck next season once he goes to the lig.
1:36 - Tucker throws up a Tinkerbell shot on the fastbreak. It never occurred to him that he has numbers so he might want to pass.
1:36 - Jordan misses a FT then...misses another. 0/4 from the line is marring a 12/7 game (already!) from him.
1:15 - Terps are now 0/5 from the line and down by 5. Rob Stone announces that, had we made our FTs, we would be winning. He must have graduated with one of those three year Sociology degrees from Duke like his color commentator.
0:27 - ESPNU is too bush league to even give me tenths of a second as the clock ticks down under a minute.
0:00 - HOLY SHIT Pe'SHON! He steals the ball on the press and wisely pulls it out. Then he lets the clock run all the way down, doesn't panic, and dishes to an open Weijs to hit the game tying shot as time expires. Over/under Black Greivis starts in New York?
19:22 - Jordan Williams with another basket on the inside. This could be like putting Babe Ruth on the '61 Mets.
19:02 - Jordan picks up a missed CofC FT. For those of you scoring at home, it took him less than 21 minutes to get to a double double (14/10 currently).
17:08 - Bowie from deep! Our first sighting of Anthony this season.
15:53 - Jordan Williams slam count is at 4, if my count is right.
14:55 - Current lineup is Mosley, Stoglin, Howard, Weijs, and Pallson. Very interesting look.
14:03 - A look which probably gives us little to no rebounding, by the way it seems.
13:24 - Terps now 1/9 from the line. This is most certainly what it feels like to descend into the ninth circle of hell.
12:33 - Jordan Fucking Williams with another putback on the break. I'm pretty sure that the Chronicles of Jordan Fucking Williams would be more badass than the Chronicles of Riddick. FAR more badass.
10:29 - Goudelock hits his 5th three. Cougars back up by three. If I don't make any posts for a couple minutes, I'm building a concourse level in my house.
10:15 - Mosley misses a FT before making the second. This...could be a problem going forward.
9:57 - Goudelock hits a shot. Book this one to the Cougars.
8:16 - Jordan hits a sick fallaway shot and then dives on the floor for a loose ball on the other end. SAT analogy time! Jordan : 2011 Terps :: Greivis : 2008 Terps
6:09 - Jordan got stuffed. It is now officially women's soccer season! NUMBER ONE SEED BABY! SUCK ON THAT HATERS! MARYLAND I'M ALL BEHIND YOU.
5:29 - Do I really want to go to New York to watch us play next week? It has to be a better idea to just eat the cost and stay at home. Or maybe go and just get some good pie. Or just wander into the Marcy Projects after we lose for the second night in a row and see what happens. We are now 3-14 from the line, btw.
4:57 - Four of sixteen. FOUR of fucking SIXTEEN.
3:37 - John Wall is averaging six turnovers a game. Suck it John Wall/Wizards fans.
1:53 - We're about to lose to the college of goddamn charleston.
1:27 - ONIONS from BG!! (aka Pe'shon in the corner)
16:9 - Terps down 1 with the ball in the frontcourt. Timeout. There is ABSOLUTELY NO SHOT that we hit a shot here and win the game. Less than zero chance. I have a better shot at growing a legit, Turd-caliber beard than seeing us hit a shot here. And yet I'm still being suckered into getting excited. This is battered wife syndrome.
And just like that...my tape CUTS OFF. Yes, I should have a DVR. But who fucking cares? Pe'shon is here to TAKE SOULS and save Gary from a verbal tongue-lashing on This Very Blog that would have made George Carlin blush. Thank God.
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