The Night Before Moosefest

Twas the night before Moosefest and all through the house,
The Scrillas were sleeping, but not one was on a couch.
Jeff Moosepants was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of Jack and a Big Wheel danced in his head.
THIH had been cleaned both upstairs and down,
Christmas trees and ottoman wheels were no where to be found.
The table was cleared and new plastic cover put in place,
The Scrillas had cleaned all week at a rigorous pace.
Many multiple cases of beer we had loaded into the fridge,
Chicken nuggets were in the freezer, right under the lidj.
Jungle juice was mixed in the cooler and liquor was out, too,
Despite weeks of searching, Turd still can't find his lost shoe.
Playlists were made with both Josh-Rock and rap,
Including Young Jeezy's song about being a star in the trap.
T.I. will tell how he don't dance, and instruct us to swing rags,
Kanye, Weezy, and HOV will join him to discuss their swag.
Pop Evil will sing of going a hundred in a fifty-five,
While Jeff will anxiously hope for Cory and Alex to arrive.
Brownie mixes were bought in hopes they'll be made for kicks,
But what we really want is for Betty to make mozz sticks.
The guest list was edited to keep attendance 100%,
And to a stubborn Loyola girl, even a paper invite was sent.
Jerome Burney will sadly not be present, nor will Da'Rel Scott,
But a different IN with the football team Jeff has got.
For the last 2 weeks we've been in a pattern of holding,
Everyone will be pumped to get the festivities rolling.
Come ready to party, and certainly have a good time,
This is getting really stupid and I'm out of cool rhymes.
So on the night before Moosefest take a little advice from me:
On Saturday, don't plan to wake up anytime before three.

No, I don't want your two cents

Today in ENEE324 Engineering probability, the professor took 10 minutes to carefully set up a situation where a certain equation could be introduced. He was explaining how rolling a biased die 10 times would create a situation where we could calculate the probability that 1 will be rolled 3 times using this equation. After going though this and most people in the class following along, some kid in the second row raises his hand and asks "Can I reiterate just a bit?"

Not "can you please go over it one more time, professor?". No, this kid had the balls to ask if HE, in his great wisdom, could explain to a class of his peers, this complex topic. "Can I reiterate just a bit?"

I think when I first heard him say it, I laughed out loud. I wanted to just raise my hand and say, "No. No you cannot. You aren't being paid to teach the class. Half the people in here know more about this than you. We already understand this and don't want to hear your example."

The professor turned to the kid, who I shall now refer to by the Indian name Thinks He Can Teach (THCT), amd asked him what he didn't understand. Before the professor got done asking however, genius THCT says "It's just like the Wheel of Fortune..."

HOLY SHIT! You raised your hand to stop class to "reiterate" a very complex example that took 10 minutes to explain to add a COMPLETELY off-topic comment that made no sense AT ALL? That takes balls, kid. You wasted everyone's time with that?

"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

If the professor wanted to use The Wheel as an example, he would have. Instead, he's now going to have to spend another 10 minutes un-confusing the kid in the first row who thinks he knows what's going on, but has no idea. Next time, don't share with us. Don't "reiterate" anything. We understand just fine. Maybe you should start watching weeknight ABC at 7:30 instead of 7...

Key Moves: Corollary I

Warning (again): Do not attempt any of these moves at home as they may result in major fails and/or hospitalization. Additionally, do not attempt to make up your own key moves. This is also a fail. Only official key moves should be considered KEY.

- Building an Iron Man suit is DEFINITELY a key move.

- Quarantining people so that they won’t infect the general populations in their various sectors is a key move in the field of medicines.

- When fighting anemia, and if possible (i.e. if you are an animal/mutated), devouring an iron pipe is a key move. However, attempting to devour an iron pipe and losing all of one’s teeth is a major fail.

- Using books.google.com to conduct research by searching for key terms instead of actually reading your sources is definitely a key move.

- Sweeping the leg is a key move when attempting to mortally combat people.

- Wearing Jedi cloaks to ward off rain and/or flamethrowers is a key move.

- Being classically trained in one’s field is a key move, especially when attempting to make the rock music. For example, J. Loren, the lead singer for the band Hurt, is classically trained.

A new low.

Guest blog from our good friend Josh.

"Sometimes I come across excellent music in unexpected places. I’ll be browsing the internet or listening to the radio and hear something that is extraordinarily good or different, something that is just over and above other music. Unfortunately this was not one of those times. Recently I was given the (as of yet unreleased) album of a new artist who goes by “Berto the Guitarist.” I want to say that the album was less clichéd than the artist’s name, but I can’t do that in good conscience. It was almost worse than the new ‘Flo-Rider’ album. In addition to very poor creativity, lyrics, and overall music composition, the performance of the songs was downright abominable, very similar to Soulja Boy. Actually, if Soulja Boy did hippie rock I am pretty sure this is exactly what the album would sound like. I give it a rating of ‘Piss-Poor.’ It was almost worse than that time that graham crackers got under the refrigerator…"

(*Face blurred for the sake of privacy. The album is just that terrible.*)

The Trifecta of Evil

Image Copyright 2008 Awwaz Fullaby