I Love Me Some Terps

Who else isn't excited by a win over Cal? We so own them this year. First Kevin Barnes and now our own Greivis just ethering those hippies from Berkeley.

Who would have thought a 13-point upset was coming from this team? Sure, they were the popular pick for an upset by most prognosticators. I myself even had this as a win in my bracket. We all "thought" that the Terps could be the Bears because we've seen how good we can be. We've also seen how awful this team can be (see: Morgan State, @Virginia). It wasn't until after the game that I realized just how amazing this win was. It wasn't that it was so startling that it happened. After all, we thought it would. It's just that this is a team that before the season I thought was going to be just awful. We had no big men, at one point we had no recruits, and I thought Greivis couldn't put Brooklyn on his back or Marcy on the map. For crying out loud, DAVE NEAL. I love that guy and I am so happy that he is in my Class of 2009 at Maryland. I'm so glad that Greivis is even better than we all thought he was. The man will have his number hanging in the rafters of Comcast some day. Believe me, he will. And during his speech he will thank "Scott" and Gary Williams. If you can find a bigger Gary homer than Greivis I'd be utterly surprised. I just love this team. I am in sheer amazement of it. And unlike Ritchie, I'm not drunk while posting this. Right now I'm counting my blessings that I get to experience this, not only as a student but also as a fan.

Thanks Maryland. Thanks Gary. Thanks Greivis. Thanks Dave. Thanks everyone.

Well, not everyone. Kathy Worthington has never won 9 straight first round games in the Lig.

Bring on Memphis.

More Coach Replacements

It has been a very inconsistent several years to be a Maryland Terrapins basketball fan, to say the least. The team has failed to make the NCAA tournament in three of the past four seasons, despite having a team capable of making it in the ACC's current weakened position. There have really only been two consistently dominant ACC teams (who shall not be named), Duke and UNC (its probably a good idea to stop reading the parentheses while you still can), while the rest of the conference has been left in mediocrity (though mediocrity in the ACC is still better than the best the Big 10 has to offer), struggling to get into the tournament on a consistent basis (Is there a super run-on after a normal run-on sentence has gone too far?). In this fluctuating conference the Terps only managed one tournament appearance. The line-up has gone through some rather radical changes during this time, but only once did it prove to be good enough for a tournament bid. The only constant through all of this has been Gary. The two single biggest issues with Gary seem to be his inability or lack of care towards recruiting and the inability to get the team to play consistent basketball (which is the problem with almost any team here at the university). With those two issues in mind my colleague wrote of how one Jack Bauer would be a soultion to these problems. However, seeing as he is currently tied up in a national crisis at the moment (a one day crisis that lasts over four months; how is that even possible?), here is a list of several other coaching candidates.

Jay-Z : The man from the murder capital would be a great fit right outside our nation's capital. After all, any man who can put Brooklyn on his back could surely carry this floundering team back to the promised land. Recruiting obviously wouldn't be a problem (this is the HOV (A) we are talking about) as he already has many connections in the basketball world (LeBron still has four years of eligibility, right?). And, under the hypnotic spell of HOVA's magnificent lyrics there is no chance the team would ever fail to play up their potential on any given night. If they did Jay-Z would no longer just murder for capital, he'd murder for respect (though more likely, as just as scary scenario would be to force the team to play for the Nets...eww). Another plus, would be the addition of Beyonce to sing the national anthem at every home game a huge upgrade over the guy who sings at half the games.

James Bond - See Jack Bauer, but add women, gadgets, and cars. Don't know how those would make for a better basketball team, but a license to kill would have to help in some way I haven't quite figured out...yet.

Barack Obama - So I may not agree with the man's political views, but he does have the power to inspire people, even Oprah. The man has promised change to the country, which is something this program needs after this stagnant run. Logistically he will live less than ten miles away. And with a police escort carving its way through DC traffic to each game it should only be a twenty or so minute commute. The President's helicopter is another valid choice for transportation. Or that alien technology we saw in Independence Day. That technology is ten years old now, that spaceship should be able to teleport by now. Anyway, the point is that the school is too close for him to not take on the job. Just don't let his brother-in-law be involved with team in any way, shape, or form (because let's face it, he hasn't done that great of a job with Oregon State, to say that the suck would be an understatement).

Tim Tebow - [Insert Tim Tebowism here, but only ones that weren't already Chuck Norris-isms or Jack Bauerisms]

Emperor Palpatine/Lord Voldemort - I enjoy being hated by the rest of the country for being a team full of badasses that will beat your team into pulp (see the Baltimore Ravens). I have grouped these two together because they would accomplish this by similar means. Both have means of mind control (through either the Force or Occulmency) which would prove invaluable in recruiting and getting bogus calls on the court overturned (the second of which would even out the distinct advantage Duke already has). Once you get past the fact that Voldemort is pretty much Hitler, his minions look like the Klu-Klux Klan, and Stormtroopers derive their name from the Nazi SS we can finally have a winning team again (though we should probably find a coach not deranged on ethnic cleansing, but solely on the success of our team).

These are just a few options for our basketball team, but why stop there. Our football team is as up and down as the basketball team (Fridge also sucks at recruiting as much as Gary does right now) and our AD holds the balls of the entire athletic department. Imagine if Jack Bauer ran not just the basketball and football teams, but the entire athletic department as well. And don't say its not possible, the man doesn't eat, sleep, or poop. There wouldn't be a second of wasted time.

It's just too bad that we'll probably get into the tournament somehow this year, only to limp along in mediocrity for another five years. All good things must come to an end. And as much as I love and respect Gary, his time may be coming very soon. The Fridge's time on the other hand was three years ago when he decided we didn't need a qb to run the offense or a defensive line that can play defense. Gary, I want you to be the coach of Maryland for eternity, but you're making it really hard for it to be so. Please learn how to recruit again. Because one day Jack Bauer will have killed every terrorist on the entire planet and then some, and will having nothing better to do than threaten and torture ACC opponents.

Terps Preseason Wrap-Up

Saturday in College Park the Terps put it on the glass against D-III opponent Northwood, beating them 104-60. It was the first time since the 06-07 season that the Terps scored 50 or more in a half and also the first time since 06-07 that they scored more than 100 in a game. Of course, this was expected considering the opponent. Except, of course, that this is Maryland sports and we're always good to play down to competition. It was good to see the Terps actually play well and roll an opponent that they should roll. It's hard to truly tell how the Terps will do this year as they played clearly inferior competition. But hopefully they can continue to build from this game and continue to improve into ACC play.

A few thoughts and notes on the game:

• For a Saturday game at 2:00 PM the student attendance was fairly good. The court sections were mostly full and the wall was about 1/3 full for most of the game. Considering the opponent, the score, and the time, I'd day things weren't too bad. Hopefully this bodes well for fan support this year and a decline in the scan and leavers. (It won't, but a boy can dream, can't he?) Paid attendance, however, was atrocious. It was probably easier to count the fans there than the fans not there. Can I blame them? Yes. This is Maryland Basketball.
• Speaking of Maryland Basketball, here's my favorite quote of a certain G. Williams, said after the Oct. 29th scrimmage: This is [expletive] Maryland. This is your [expletive] school. This is my [expletive] school. This is where we won a [expletive] national championship.
• Robert Ehsan, Maryand's new full time coach looks like a sharp cat. Also, I use terms from the 50s. He's pretty much had all his coaching experience under Gary. He graduated from UC Davis in 2005 and has been on the Terps staff since then. He's learn to emulate the master insofar as he even has the Gary Williams crouch. I could see big things from him.
• The announcer needs to announce Keith Booth last on the list of assitance coaches. Currently, he's named right before Rob Ehsan, and I feel like i'm not given enough time to shout "BOOOOOOOOOOOTH." I will now go back in my hole.
• Greivis Vasquez, who did not play Saturday due to violating some rule, looks good in a suit. Let's hope not to see it again until Draft Day 2009.
• Landom Milbourne is good. He looks like he may finally be living up to his potential. He showed hot flashes at times last year but was anything but consistent with it. His ability to slash and drive to the basket is enhanced by his much improved ability to finish. Add to that his nice outside shot and the Terps have a good upperclassman to take some of the offensive workload off of Greivis.
• Thank you, NCAA for not screwing us over on Jin Soo Kim. Kim looks like the real deal as a recruit. He has a nice shot and has the muscle and size to get to the basket and finish. Although he missed all but one of his threes, I'll give him a pass because he's probably still getting used to the longer distance. All of his shots were at least on target and hit the back of the rim. He looked a tad slow playing the two, but that also could be chalked up to him only beginning practice last week. He often looked confused on defense in the first half, but by the time the second half rolled around, he had found his rhythm on both sides of the court.
  
• Adrian Bowie has a jumper. ACC, you have been warned.
• Maybe it's because we don't have the talented big men any more, but it almost seems like we're getting more rebounds. My theory: Because we don't have Gist and Boom to rely on anymore to get the ball, our guards and "big" men are trying harder for to get the ball. This could be a good thing.
• Braxton Dupree, who lost a lot of weight over the summer and really shaped up, showed a lot of hustle. He needs to go up stronger around the basket, but he grabbed a lot of tough rebounds and showed signs as to why he was a four star recruit.
• That being said, our front court will not be pretty. Outside of Landon, the Terps don't have any solid inside man. We all knew this coming into the season, but it's even more evident when it's seen in person. Burney really has no offensive presence. Gregory will get more play, and although he has a mid-range jumper, he doesn't show much of the inside game. Steve Goins actually looked decent, but he's in Braxton Dupree condition Circa 2007. And of course, Dave Neal is Dave Neal. Let's hope Gary employs the four guard offense.

This could be an interesting season. I'm setting the over/under of this team making me want to break something at 11.5.

I'm probably taking the over.

The Zatchman Cover-Up