Consult a doctor if you stay at a game for more than the first half.

Back in Red

Is this blog died? Probably, but who cares. I need to talk about something. Something near and dear to the five of us that write here on occasion. That something is actually someone; Gary Williams.

Gary Williams is a great man and a great coach. There was never any doubting that. But his Terps have fallen on hard times recently, and there's been more than a few people critical of his performance, namely in the area of recruiting. I've been one of those people.

But now Gary Williams is throwing it back in the haters faces by putting together what could be one of his best recruiting classes, and certainly his best dating back to at least 2003. People probably already know about PG Terrell Stoglin (ranked #88 ESPN/#121 Rivals for his class) and SG Terrence Ross (#39 ESPN/#43 Rivals) who have both been members of the 2010 recruiting class since the spring. Now Gary has gone out and added SF Mychal Parker, who actually plays HS basketball in Charlottesville, VA and picked the Terps over UVA among others. Parker is another top recruit (#42 ESPN/#53 Rivals) who will play someone where on the wing during his time here. He's athletic, he can finish and he can defend.

Things have certainly turned around since January when the Terps were losing by 40 points at Cameron Indoor Stadium and looking destined to not even make the NIT. Gary was under fire, and boy has he responded to his critics, showing why he's one of the greatest coaches in the game. With the increased willingness to recruit and the return of Greivis Vasquez, things are much brighter than they have been at any point in recent memory.

It's not even over yet. The Terps will still have one or two spots in this next recruiting class and are rumored to be in the mix for at least a half dozen top prospects, including one ranked as high as #5 in the country who Gary will visit at home in New York next month. The man is turning it on, thanks in no small part to Chuck D and Rob EEEEEEEEEsahn.

And of course there's next season to think about. Jay Bilas recently picked the Terps to be third in the conference, and although he's more of a Maryland homer than I am at times, he knows what he's talking about moreso than almost any other mainstream college hoops analyst. The team should be expected to finish behind a young but talented UNC team and perhaps Duke as well, but after that the Terps look better on paper than any other team in the conference.

So whatever. This is just a disjointed series of thoughts relating to how college basketball is making me cream my shorts (nasty). I end with this.

I Love Gary Williams

Lig.

TV Showdown

A question, via Facebook.com, from our friend Mumpkins:

Steve Stehle which was better, boy meets world or saved by the bell?

yes, these are the questions I ponder at 2:30 am.

I originally tried to give a yes or no answer, but that wouldn't suffice.

So I thought, why not do a point-by-point comparison.

Let's take this down, Dr. Jack Style:

Protagonist: Zack Morris vs. Corey Matthews

This is probably the easiest battle of the day. Zack Morris is the man. Corey Matthews never broke the fourth wall. He doesn't have his own style of phone. He never won a National Championship. He hasn’t done anything. And look at the way the two got in trouble. Both were inherently slackers, but Matthews liked to piss off his teachers and just screw around. Morris had zany adventures and get-rich-quick schemes.

Verdict: Zach Morris in a walk. SBTB 1, BMW 0

Best Friend: AC Slater vs. Shawn Hunter

AC Slater is an all-around jock and all American. He also was on dancing with the stars. He was known at times to be a rival of Zach but he also was a good second banana. Shawn was Corey’s best friend since childhood. Much cooler and much more popular than Corey, he was always on the cutting edge and getting Corey into trouble. Both characters were loyal to their friends, but let’s face it: Shawn just had more panache.

Verdict: Shawn Hunter. Tiger Beat’s dreamiest guy ’94! SBTB 1, BMW 1

Girlfriend: Kelly Kapowski vs. Topanga Lawrence

This one is not as easy as it seems. Though Kelly is much hotter than Topanga, that is not all that we can rely on for judgment. Kelly is the cheerleader, captain of the volleyball team, and all-around jailbait (or at least presumably she was ). Topanga is the smartest girl in the school, a flower child, and holder of one of the greatest tv names of all time (Say it with me now, “TO-PAN-GA!). Let’s look at their relationships with their respective boyfriends (Zach and Corey) Zach and Kelly has an on-again off-again relationship early in the series. Zach was seen canoodling with every piece of tail he could get, and though I can’t confirm, there’s a 100% chance he did the classic 80s move of watching a girl pass him by then, after she walks past him, lowering his sunglasses down his nose to get a better look (Queue Yellow’s “Oh yeah”). Corey and Topanga, though not together when the series ended, were basically husband and wife by the middle of high school. The story was eventually ret-conned such that they were together since early preschool days, though this is just attributed to writers not giving a damn. Except for a brief story arc in high school were Corey kissed some other girl (how did that Jew-froed kid get that tail we’ll never know), Corey and Topanga were inseparable. They would eventually become man and wife, as would Kelly and Zack. However, Zack and Kelly did it in a tv movie, Corey and Topanga did it inside of the series itself.

Verdict: Though tough, it seems as though Topanga is the winner here. But it’s freakin’ Kelly Kapowski. Half point for the kids of Bayside. SBTB 1.5, BMS 2

Comic Relief: Screech Powers vs. Eric Matthews

Screech was and is really just a poor man’s Urkel. He’s the typical genius/dweeb/geek. He has a robot friend and an unending crush on Lisa Turtle. He’s not so much comic relief as he is the deus ex machina that causes Zack to get into typical sitcom situations. He’ll call out Zack for being on two dates at once or for rigging the home-ec competition. Eric Matthews, however, is a horse of a different color. Originally he started as the smooth and slick older brother type character. He eventually evolved into an imbecile who was a master of the dumb comment or the key pratfall. Also: The Feeny Call. Nothing Screech does can ever top that.

Verdict: Eric Matthews. SBTB 1.5, BMW 3

School: Bayside High/California University vs. John Adams/Pennbrook

Bayside High is home of the Tigers. Set somewhere on the left coast, it is home to three sets of lockers, a central staircase with some posters and ample room for random banner hanging, a class room on the right, and Belding’s office on the right. John Adams High is somewhere in Philly and has two sets of some smaller stairs, two sets of lockers, ample room for banner hanging, a classroom, and somewhere is Feeny’s office. There’s also a pay phone.

California University has a 40-year-old RA who is a former football player. It is also home to the only college dorm suites I know of that have a central room with boys’ and girls’ rooms on either side. Pennbrook is home to the only student union in the world with no one hanging out it and a free pool table. They also have co-ed showers. SBTB was primarily a show about high school kids and the college years just didn’t have much of an impression. However, BMW really hit its stride in the college years, Mr. Turner and the Token Black Teacher be damned.

Verdict: SBTB for high school, BMW for college. SBTB 2.5, BMW 4

Theme Song

Honestly, all I know about the theme song to BMW is that it just repeated the phrase “When this boy meets world” until they were done introducing people. SBTB has one of the most iconic theme songs of the 90s.

Verdict: It’s all right, cause I’m saved by the bell! SBTB 3.5, BMW 4

Principal: Richard Belding vs. George Feeny

Both serve as mentors to the students, and both are early and frequent adversaries to their ridiculous hi-jinks and shenanigans. Belding had his trademark, “Hey hey hey what is going on here?” Feeny used to the be the voice of a car. Was Feeny a creeper when he followed his class to college, while Belding stayed back to help out The New Class? Hell if I know, but he always seemed like he had a thing for Mr. Matthews.

Verdict: Feeny. As a kid was a scary Principal, but eventually he became the best of friends. SBTB 3.5, BMW 5

Hangout: The Max vs. Chubbies

Both were fantastic places to hang out. Chubbies was a basement burger place, and The Max was a neon shrine to the late 80s/early 90s. Both had tragic endings. The Max burned down (thanks New Class) and Chubbies became a pirate restaurant. Sad times. Chubbies became less of an important place later in the series as it was replaced by the Eric’s apartment.

Verdict: Raspberry Iced Tea + Tropical Punch = The Max. SBTB 4.5, BMW 5

Supporting Cast

In terms of family lives, SBTB didn’t really have one. Corey had his family, Shawn had his semblance of a family (including a half brother, a drunk/dead father, and a trailer), and there was a Minkus. BMW had more memorable teachers and overall a much larger cast than SBTB. Even accounting for the summer at Malibu Sands and our good friend Tori, BMW still overpowers SBTB. As for eye candy, Angela and Rachel were actually interesting characters with developed back stories. Lisa and Jesse Spano are flat characters. Although it is fun to think that Elizabeth Berkeley had such a bright future until she blew it up in Showgirls.

Verdict: SBTB kept it simple. Maybe too simple. SBTB 4.5, BMW 6

Intangibles: AKA “Jeter-Ness”

SBTB ran on Saturday morning tv along with… nothing else. The College Years moved it into prime time tv, and the New Class was a fresh attempt to try to revamp the series. There were also two tv movies and the fun Malibu Sands Adventure. BMW ran in the leviathan of tv programming that was ABC’s TGIF. Think about it. This was a tv program that ran under the same mantle as Family Matters, Full House, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and Perfect Strangers. While SBTB may have been the killer app of a dead NBC line-up, BMW is one of the most memorable shows from a powerhouse group.

Verdict: Boy Meets World. SBTB 4.5, BMW 7

And there you have it. By my calculations, Boy Meets World was better than Saved by the Bell, and by a considerable margin..

Scrillas are graduating...

Seeing as how 2 of the Scrillas are graduating in a few hours, I've decided to write a new post as a memorial of their college careers. I could make this a sappy "go get 'em!" post like the drawn out, overdone speeches that will be given at their commencements tomorrow, but that would be pointless. So I will simply say congratulations to Steve and Andrew. You guys made it. As the first Scrillas to graduate, you guys need to introduce the real world to the Scrillas. I don't know if they're ready for us yet, but the first time either of you say "many muldible" or "I'm not gonna lie..." I'm sure you'll have significant explaining to do.

I would say you guys have taught me resilience, but neither of you made it through engineering. Let's be honest here. If I can make it this far in EE by going to as few classes as I have, studying as little as I have, and generally being as apathetic about school as I've been, what does that say about your willingness to give up? You're quitters! BONES IT!

In all seriousness, you 2 have been my dawgrahams for the last 2 years and I don't know how next year is going to work out, but you guys had better get down here quite a bit. Don't be strangers. We will organize a Scrilla trip to Costa Rica for mangos and ziplining, and I will be sure to let you know when the "anything goes but clothes party" will be held.

Congratulations Mumpkins and Turd: Scrilla Class of 2009! Good luck!

What a tangled web we weave.

The Scrillas are Online!

www.thescrillas.com

go there.

Eminem is Back

In case you haven't heard, Eminem is returning from a five year hiatus with a new CD coming out next month. To celebrate this, here are my picks for the three best songs from each of the previous four Eminem CDs, complete with a sample of the lyrics that make Eminem one of the best rappers alive.

Slim Shady LP (1999)

-My Fault
She said, / I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not married
I don't even have any kids and I can't cook/(Hello!) I'm over here Sue, (hi) you're talkin to the plant, look!

-Cum on Everybody
I just remembered that I'm absent minded/Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it
I'm freestylin every verse that I spit/cause I don't even remember the words to my shit (umm, one two)

-Just Don't Give a Fuck
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from/You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, fuck it, while we comin out in the open/I'm doin acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin dope then

Marshall Mathers LP (2000)

-Kill You
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches/vain Vicadin, vrinnn Vrinnn, VRINNN!
Texas Chainsaw, left his brains all/danglin from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts/Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts

-Drug Ballad
Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark/This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark/And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl/And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my prediction is you're gonna probably fall/Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall

-The Way I Am
with the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too/When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
and they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn) and the heroin/Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy/Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city/havin this happenin (this happenin)..

The Eminem Show (2002)

-White America
See the problem is I speak to suburban kids /Who otherwise woulda never knew these words exist
Who's mom's probably woulda never gave 2 squirts of pissTill I created so much muthafuckin' turbulance

-Soldier
I love pissin' you off, it gets me off, /like my lawyers, when the fuckin' judge lets me off
all you motherfuckas gotta do is set me off/or violate me, and all the motherfuckin' bets be off
I'm a lit fuse, anything I do, bitch, is news/pistol whippin' motherfuckin' bouncers, six-two

-Til I Collapse
Soon as a verse starts I eat at MC’s heart/what is he thinking, how not to go against me, smart
And it's absurd, how people hang on every word/I’ll probably never get the props I feel I ever deserve

Encore (2004)

-Mosh
Come along, follow me, as I lead through the darkness/As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength/Come with me, and I wont steer you wrong
Put your faith in your trust, as I guide us through the fog/To the light at the end of the tunnel we gon’ fight
We gon’ charge, we gon’ stomp/We gon’ march through the swamp
We gon’ mosh through the marsh/Take us right through the doors

-Like Toy Soldiers
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted/And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it/That was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I helped build/It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good

-Yellow Brick Road
I'd roam the streets so much they call me a drifter/Sometimes I stick up a thumb just to hitch hike
Just to get picked up to get me a lift to 8 mile and Van Dyke/And steal a god damn bike from somebody's backyard