Thursday, June 25, 2009

TV Showdown

A question, via Facebook.com, from our friend Mumpkins:

Steve Stehle which was better, boy meets world or saved by the bell?

yes, these are the questions I ponder at 2:30 am.

I originally tried to give a yes or no answer, but that wouldn't suffice.
So I thought, why not do a point-by-point comparison.

Let's take this down, Dr. Jack Style:

Protagonist: Zack Morris vs. Corey Matthews

This is probably the easiest battle of the day. Zack Morris is the man. Corey Matthews never broke the fourth wall. He doesn't have his own style of phone. He never won a National Championship. He hasn’t done anything. And look at the way the two got in trouble. Both were inherently slackers, but Matthews liked to piss off his teachers and just screw around. Morris had zany adventures and get-rich-quick schemes.

Verdict: Zach Morris in a walk. SBTB 1, BMW 0

Best Friend: AC Slater vs. Shawn Hunter

AC Slater is an all-around jock and all American. He also was on dancing with the stars. He was known at times to be a rival of Zach but he also was a good second banana. Shawn was Corey’s best friend since childhood. Much cooler and much more popular than Corey, he was always on the cutting edge and getting Corey into trouble. Both characters were loyal to their friends, but let’s face it: Shawn just had more panache.

Verdict: Shawn Hunter. Tiger Beat’s dreamiest guy ’94! SBTB 1, BMW 1

Girlfriend: Kelly Kapowski vs. Topanga Lawrence

This one is not as easy as it seems. Though Kelly is much hotter than Topanga, that is not all that we can rely on for judgment. Kelly is the cheerleader, captain of the volleyball team, and all-around jailbait (or at least presumably she was ). Topanga is the smartest girl in the school, a flower child, and holder of one of the greatest tv names of all time (Say it with me now, “TO-PAN-GA!). Let’s look at their relationships with their respective boyfriends (Zach and Corey) Zach and Kelly has an on-again off-again relationship early in the series. Zach was seen canoodling with every piece of tail he could get, and though I can’t confirm, there’s a 100% chance he did the classic 80s move of watching a girl pass him by then, after she walks past him, lowering his sunglasses down his nose to get a better look (Queue Yellow’s “Oh yeah”). Corey and Topanga, though not together when the series ended, were basically husband and wife by the middle of high school. The story was eventually ret-conned such that they were together since early preschool days, though this is just attributed to writers not giving a damn. Except for a brief story arc in high school were Corey kissed some other girl (how did that Jew-froed kid get that tail we’ll never know), Corey and Topanga were inseparable. They would eventually become man and wife, as would Kelly and Zack. However, Zack and Kelly did it in a tv movie, Corey and Topanga did it inside of the series itself.

Verdict: Though tough, it seems as though Topanga is the winner here. But it’s freakin’ Kelly Kapowski. Half point for the kids of Bayside. SBTB 1.5, BMS 2

Comic Relief: Screech Powers vs. Eric Matthews

Screech was and is really just a poor man’s Urkel. He’s the typical genius/dweeb/geek. He has a robot friend and an unending crush on Lisa Turtle. He’s not so much comic relief as he is the deus ex machina that causes Zack to get into typical sitcom situations. He’ll call out Zack for being on two dates at once or for rigging the home-ec competition. Eric Matthews, however, is a horse of a different color. Originally he started as the smooth and slick older brother type character. He eventually evolved into an imbecile who was a master of the dumb comment or the key pratfall. Also: The Feeny Call. Nothing Screech does can ever top that.

Verdict: Eric Matthews. SBTB 1.5, BMW 3

School: Bayside High/California University vs. John Adams/Pennbrook

Bayside High is home of the Tigers. Set somewhere on the left coast, it is home to three sets of lockers, a central staircase with some posters and ample room for random banner hanging, a class room on the right, and Belding’s office on the right. John Adams High is somewhere in Philly and has two sets of some smaller stairs, two sets of lockers, ample room for banner hanging, a classroom, and somewhere is Feeny’s office. There’s also a pay phone.

California University has a 40-year-old RA who is a former football player. It is also home to the only college dorm suites I know of that have a central room with boys’ and girls’ rooms on either side. Pennbrook is home to the only student union in the world with no one hanging out it and a free pool table. They also have co-ed showers. SBTB was primarily a show about high school kids and the college years just didn’t have much of an impression. However, BMW really hit its stride in the college years, Mr. Turner and the Token Black Teacher be damned.

Verdict: SBTB for high school, BMW for college. SBTB 2.5, BMW 4

Theme Song

Honestly, all I know about the theme song to BMW is that it just repeated the phrase “When this boy meets world” until they were done introducing people. SBTB has one of the most iconic theme songs of the 90s.

Verdict: It’s all right, cause I’m saved by the bell! SBTB 3.5, BMW 4

Principal: Richard Belding vs. George Feeny

Both serve as mentors to the students, and both are early and frequent adversaries to their ridiculous hi-jinks and shenanigans. Belding had his trademark, “Hey hey hey what is going on here?” Feeny used to the be the voice of a car. Was Feeny a creeper when he followed his class to college, while Belding stayed back to help out The New Class? Hell if I know, but he always seemed like he had a thing for Mr. Matthews.

Verdict: Feeny. As a kid was a scary Principal, but eventually he became the best of friends. SBTB 3.5, BMW 5

Hangout: The Max vs. Chubbies

Both were fantastic places to hang out. Chubbies was a basement burger place, and The Max was a neon shrine to the late 80s/early 90s. Both had tragic endings. The Max burned down (thanks New Class) and Chubbies became a pirate restaurant. Sad times. Chubbies became less of an important place later in the series as it was replaced by the Eric’s apartment.

Verdict: Raspberry Iced Tea + Tropical Punch = The Max. SBTB 4.5, BMW 5

Supporting Cast

In terms of family lives, SBTB didn’t really have one. Corey had his family, Shawn had his semblance of a family (including a half brother, a drunk/dead father, and a trailer), and there was a Minkus. BMW had more memorable teachers and overall a much larger cast than SBTB. Even accounting for the summer at Malibu Sands and our good friend Tori, BMW still overpowers SBTB. As for eye candy, Angela and Rachel were actually interesting characters with developed back stories. Lisa and Jesse Spano are flat characters. Although it is fun to think that Elizabeth Berkeley had such a bright future until she blew it up in Showgirls.

Verdict: SBTB kept it simple. Maybe too simple. SBTB 4.5, BMW 6

Intangibles: AKA “Jeter-Ness”

SBTB ran on Saturday morning tv along with… nothing else. The College Years moved it into prime time tv, and the New Class was a fresh attempt to try to revamp the series. There were also two tv movies and the fun Malibu Sands Adventure. BMW ran in the leviathan of tv programming that was ABC’s TGIF. Think about it. This was a tv program that ran under the same mantle as Family Matters, Full House, Hanging with Mr. Cooper, and Perfect Strangers. While SBTB may have been the killer app of a dead NBC line-up, BMW is one of the most memorable shows from a powerhouse group.

Verdict: Boy Meets World. SBTB 4.5, BMW 7

And there you have it. By my calculations, Boy Meets World was better than Saved by the Bell, and by a considerable margin..